What happens in Vegas, Part 2

See? For anywhere else in the world, Elton John
just brings his $127,000 piano. But, man, when he's
in Vegas? Only the million dollar piano will do! 

I was supposed to write this Las Vegas, Part 2 blog over a week ago. But then my week got highjacked by three separate things. Topping this list would be the Provincial Government's long-awaited announcement of reforms to how beer is sold in the province. As a Beer Store employee, obviously I have a vested interest - you know, it being my livelihood and all. (More on that at the end of this but, my, what an interesting little exercise that was.)

And then Netflix released an entire season, 13 episodes, of Daredevil in one day. For those unfamiliar with this Marvel superhero, he's like Batman. But broke. Oh, did I mention he's also blind? Yet, somehow he still fights crime. And despite being broke, he owns an amazing huge loft studio apartment in New York City, which frankly is a lot harder to believe than a blind dude fighting crime.

And finally, last Sunday marked the premiere of Season 5 of the insanely popular Game of Thrones. Except someone at either HBO or its distribution company leaked the first four episodes onto the internet. For us fans, that caused something of a feeding frenzy, the likes of which has not been seen outside a tank full of piranhas which has had a bucket of plump goldfish dumped into it.

All purchased at the convenience store within The Linq resort. This little
bit of IPA Heaven, included, from left,  Coronado Brewing (Coronado,
California) Islander IPA, Uinta Brewing (Salt Lake City) Hop Nosh IPA,
Sierra Nevada (Chico, California) Torpedo Extra IPA, Samuel Adams
(Boston) Rebel IPA and Sierra Nevada Hop Hunter IPA. My taste-buds
felt like they'd gone 15 rounds with Mike Tyson when I finished these...

The sole problem with the Game of Thrones' illegal and pirated multi-release? Everyone I know watched all four episodes in succession and since Episode 4 wasn't slated to air until May 3rd, we are basically sitting around on our thumbs, waiting for May 10th and wailing, "What do we do now??" I can't speak for others but personally, I live vicariously through the debauchery of a medieval man named Tyrion Lannister and now I find myself adrift and distraught for weeks to come. I might have to pay attention to, I dunno, real life or something. It's all very distressing.

Lest you think your Las Vegas Strip
shenanigans are going unnoticed, the
Vegas Police have omni-directional
cameras set up all along the strip. I
made it a point to wave because I am,
first and foremost, a polite Canadian

So long story short, my week was filled with distractions that kept me away from Las Vegas, Part 2. But it's Vegas, baby - it never goes away so right now, let's wander down the best little strip in the universe.

Since I had wisely turned off my mobile data, it became imperative to hook up with the Wifi of the resorts and casinos along the strip, mostly because my Beer Bro Stevil St Evil played a large role from his home in Wellington, New Zealand as my Craft Beer Guide in Vegas, Googling all the hot spots for me. Also, I had to seriously taunt my other Beer Bro Glenn with pictures of the sweet IPAs I was pounding because, well, that's what a-hole bros like me do. While I found it easy connecting to Wifi at my home-base in The Excalibur, it was trickier on the strip. A number of resorts wanted my email address but then disallowed mine as not legitimate. So I wandered over to the concierge at Harrah's Casino and she instantly spotted the problem. My Sympatico account ends in .ca, which is a Canada-only designation. "If I change your email to .com, you'll get Wifi from every place along the strip," she noted, "but you won't get email from the resorts and casinos." Noticing the huge grin on my face, she surmised with a laugh, "I'm sensing you're just fine with that." Uhhh, yeah. So she fixed it and now my Wifi history reads like a who's who of the Vegas strip - Planet Hollywood, Harrah's, The Linq, Paris, New York, New York, the MGM Grand, the Mile Long Mall and many others - and my Smartphone just kept connecting to whichever was closest. Since my phone is now seriously hooked into the Wifi of all the major Vegas strip landmarks, I, of course, have to return this summer. To the fine folks at The Excalibur, you have been warned. And I'm sorry... in advance.

O'Sheas is back and better than ever. Oh,
it lost some of its "dive appeal" when it
reopened in a new locale within The Linq
but it retains some of that frat-boy appeal
by continuing with their famed Beer Pong
tournaments, Bailey's Slurpees and other
assorted shenanigans. Still my top spot!!

As my first order of business, my mission was to find the "new" O'Shea's Irish Pub. When I was last on the strip in March 2012, the bartender there told me they were closing down. That made me genuinely sad because after the casino in the also-gone Imperial Palace, it was one of the rowdiest little places on the entire strip.

What that bartender did not tell me (perhaps because he didn't know) is that it would reopen in a new casino/resort a year and a half later. Formerly part of Harrah's, the new bar became part of The Linq Resort, which replaced the Imperial Palace. Now the old O'Shea's Irish Pub was a dive but man, it was a fun dive! At odds with the posher pubs along the strip, it attracted the college kids by the score with its Beer Pong tables, $2 beers and live bands. My thinking is, yeah, you can pay $500 to see Celine Dion or you can watch some really great R&B and rock bands for free at O'Sheas. Not hard to guess which I prefer.

So I hunted down O'Sheas and yes, now it was a very different animal, to be sure. I instantly struck up a conversation with the very pretty and helpful greeter, Kat, and asked if they had retained any of the old place. Yup, she noted, pointing to fixtures on the ceiling and a handful of other left-overs, painstaking attached to the walls. And, of course, she smiled, "There's your Beer Pong tables right over there." Granted, it was early afternoon so things were quiet as college kids tend to party hard until 5 a.m. and then recover for eight-to-10 hours before repeating the process.

Now for a mere $20, you can pose with these two Las
Vegas Police "officers" for a genuine mug shot. To be
honest, I'm not certain those are official police officer
outfits because how do you chase criminals in those
boots? However, there is a distinct possibility that the
criminal may stop in his tracks just to chat to the ladies

"Come back tonight," she noted, "and it'll be hopping in here." And their notorious Bailey's Irish Cream Slushee machine - the only one I ever saw on the strip and perhaps the tastiest non-beer buzz you're ever gonna get? "Demand for that is huge. It'll be back really soon," she promised.

While I chatted with Kat, I was happily sipping a Samuel Adams' Rebel IPA so hey, maybe it's time to talk beers. Being as there are no clocks anywhere in Vegas, I have no idea what time it was there but here at Donny's Bar and Grill, it's Beer O'Clock.

And hell, let's start with that Rebel IPA. Now for years, Jim Koch, owner and co-founder of Samuel Adams Brewing, resisted the movement towards hop-heavy west coast IPAs. Not his thing. Too trendy. Whatever. It's not like I can read his mind. That's why he's rich and I'm not. Finally, his brewery associates ball-gagged him, threw him on the floor, clad only in his Red Sox' boxers and flogged him with cooked spaghetti noodles until he relented. (Legal disclaimer: their actual persuasion techniques may have been subtler and far more professional.) So the Boston Beer Company, which most of us simply call Sam Adams, relented and offered the Rebel IPA up as a foray into the west coast style IPA. How was it? It wasn't bad... for a first try.

I have had the Green Flash West Coast Double
IPA but the Lagunitas IPA was a new one for
me. How was it? Whoa, pretty damn good, I say

 Some citrus on the nose and orange on the tongue, I would call it decent, though not outstanding. That said, Pandora's Box has finally been opened at Boston Beer. Let's see some secondary tries at IPAs, as well as an Imperial IPA, boys.

Moving from Boston to Salt Lake City, Utah, from which Vegas mainstays Donny and Marie Osmond hail, let's try Uinta Brewing's Hop Nosh IPA, shall we? Okay, now we're back on track, ironically from an alcohol-light, Mormon-heavy community. At 7.3% and 82 IBUs (international bitterness units), the Hop Nosh packed a bit of punch. Grapefruit on the nose and very bitter tongue, this is definitely a Brew Ha Ha kind of IPA.

Now, not one but two offerings from our old friends at Sierra Nevada Brewing in Chico, California - their Hop Hunter IPA and Torpedo Extra IPA. The Hop Hunter is wet-hopped, not dry-hopped (my preference), but still a strong contender. At 6.2% and 60 IBU, it won't kill you but is still a strong IPA with some pine on the nose and citrus on the tongue. Their Torpedo Extra IPA, on the other hand? One of the better beers I've ever had. At 7.2% and 70 IBUs, it's an IPA that borders on Imperial IPA (like the Hop Nosh) but not quite. Citrus on the nose, some sweet orange on the tongue, this is now in my Top-Ten beers.

Panhandlers are up and down the La Vegas strip with
 various signs. This guy got an entire pocket of change
from me for two reasons. One, he was honest. I know
this for a fact because I too was checking out butts the
entire time I was there. But two, he's a ginger. He got
all that cash basically so he wouldn't steal my soul...

Okay, onto Coronado, California for the Coronado Brewing Islander IPA. At 7% and 75 IBUs, this reminded me a ton of Spearhead (Toronto) Hawaiian Style Pale Ale (but stronger and hoppier). Some citrus on the nose, all pineapple on the tongue, this was also a really nice offering. (Let's face it - I was basically spoiled by riches in Vegas and it had nothing to do with slot machines, Poker tables or showgirls and everything to do with top-notch IPAs.)

That brings me to the last one - the Lagunitas IPA. The Petaluma, California brewers claim they use 43 hops and 65 malts to make this beer. Either they are insane or someone in their "commercial description" department met with Walter White and sampled the Blue Meth just before writing that description. No beer anywhere uses that much of anything in the making of one single vat. They'd have to sell a single bottle for $87. According to my receipt, it was $6.95 so let's assume they're being cheeky monkeys. That said, a very strong beer for a relatively light 6.2%, 70 IBU offering. Strong citrus on the nose, lighter citrus and grapefruit on the tongue, we shall file this in the "Pretty Damn Good" folder.

Okay, that's it for this Las Vegas installment but a little bit more to come next time. But before I take a knee, let's look quickly at this Ontario Alcohol Reform stuff we dealt with up here in Ontario on Thursday.

This was an actual dude painted in gold, posing as a gold
statue on Las Vegas Boulevard. It was 90F out or 32C for
Canadian readers. Yeah, he got some of my money, too
because he sat there as still as a statue, despite the heat...

Well, the government decided to change how beer was sold in this province and decided grocery stores could sell it too. In a couple of years. But six-packs only. For exactly the same price as the Beer Store and liquor stores. Not a penny less. Oh yes, and the grocers have to bid on the licences, too. And of course, the brewers, big and small, will have to pay a shelving fee, just as they do at the Beer Store and LCBO. One more thing, the grocers will have to keep beer sales to the same hours as the Beer Stores and LCBOs so if you're thinking of heading over to that 24-hour Sobey's and grabbing a couple of sixes at midnight? Nope, the beer section will be cordoned off.

Then the government decided that LCBOs could sell 12-packs for the same price as the Beer Store. (Right now, if you buy two six-packs of, say, Corona from them, you pay for two six-packs but at the Beer Store, you get a 12-pack price break for those two sixes.) But only a handful of liquor stores will be part of this - 10 at first as part of a pilot project. But not for a while because the government has to study the difference between selling six beers and 12 beers due to the deep socio-political implications of that purchase. Complicated stuff. Study is clearly needed.

Beer makes me cray cray... not only in Vegas.
Pretty much everywhere, if I'm being honest...
I can blame a lot of stuff on Las Vegas but there
is no way that beer making me cray cray is one.

And finally, my Beer Store and others have to open up 20% of our shelf space for craft brewers! That's up from, I dunno, maybe 7%? As a Beer Store worker who also loves his craft beer, this was pretty good news to me!

Okay, so while our Premier was announcing this as the biggest alcohol-related move in the Province since the repeal of Prohibition (her words, not mine), she may as well had bright neon signs behind her and a bullhorn yelling, "Pay attention because this involves beer and that is sexy, sexy beer news!!! You! In the back!! Can you hear me??? Because this is sexy sexy beer stuff!!!" But in an artful dodge, the government also, at the exact same time, very quietly at the end mentioned the potential sale of controlling interest (60%) of Hydro-One for a price of roughly $9 billion to private investors.

Well now, that's some very unpopular, seriously-gonna-hurt-us-in-the-long-run news masked... hell, drowned out by all that sexy, sexy beer news. If you know anything of magicians, they are all about the art of deflection and directing your attention elsewhere. Why? For the single purpose of tricking you. Any government, regardless of party, is not that much different. I gotta tell you, David Copperfield himself probably watched this and said, "Whoa, she's good."

Not far inside the doors of The Excalibur, beautiful
ladies lay in wait to pounce on innocent tourists and
get them to pose with them for $20. What kind of a
nitwit would fall for that?? I can't even imagine...

In essence, in the front end of her speech, she took on the private owners of the Beer Store with new rules, claiming the present system is unfair... while at the back end of her speech, she quietly offered up a key government asset to *ahem* private owners for a big stack of cash. The left hand gives while the right hand takes away. Welcome to Government 101.

Okay, the most common question asked me when I returned... did I make any money in Las Vegas? Let's put it this way. I am presently having a contest with my couch and washing machine to see who has the most money. So far, I'm in third.

Back to Ontario beers the next time with some past Vegas stories thrown in for shits and giggles. For the record, the winner of the Best IPA on the Las Vegas Strip Competition? Well, it's a tie between Stone IPA and Sierra Nevada Torpedo Extra IPA with Goose Island IPA getting an Honourable Mention. That Goose Island was on bar taps all over the strip. All great beers. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time (unless more Game of Thrones episodes are pirated), I remain...