Beer reforms a boon to Brick Brewery?

Are the recent beer-sale reforms in Ontario a real boon to Kitchener's
Brick Brewery because they also bottle and can the PC-brand beers?
It would have to be since PC foods are the hugely-successful no-name
brands for Loblaws and the many, many grocery stores run by them...

When the Ontario government recently announced that craft beers were to be allocated 20% of the shelf-space at the province's Beer Stores, I was pretty pumped - as both a craft beer drinker (who, for the purpose of research for this blog, will drink any beer once) and Beer Store employee.

But at the same time, when they announced grocery stores would be getting beer, I was curious and well, a bit concerned. Since grocery stores also charge stocking fees, just as the Beer Store and LCBO do, would it mean only the big guns would be able to afford to play in the grocery markets' sandbox? Because if so, the government's claim of diluting the Beer Store "monopoly" would actually just be giving the big boys a new venue to rule.

The former owner of Brick Brewery, Jim Brickman,
downs a Red Cap Ale in the old-style stubbie bottle. The
brewery had Red Cap in these bottles for years and
you know who the biggest purchasers of it were? People
shooting movies set in the 1980s and earlier when
stubbies were the only vessel in which beer was sold!

In the end, as it turned out (and I only learned two days ago), the grocery stores will be held to the same 20% Craft Beer Standards as the Beer Store. Now granted, the Province is expecting to give only 150 beer-selling licences out to grocery stores by May 2017. That's a while from now. But progress and social reform in Ontario moves at exactly two speeds: very slowly... or, well, reverse. If you're lucky enough to be on the receiving end of "very slowly", you go down on one knee, kiss their rings, say 12 Hail Mary's and then back out of the room... also very slowly as not to spook them.

But just prior to knowing that, I was talking to our Brick Brewery driver on Wednesday and asking if he thought it would be only the big names at the grocery store. "Nah," he replied, "I don't think so. I mean, obviously you have to think our PC beers will be in Loblaw's and its (many) affiliates."

Holy crap, I never even thought about that. For those outside Canada, PC, in this case, means President's Choice (and thankfully not politically correct.) And the driver was bang-on since PC brands have been the no-name choice for all food products at Loblaw's for several decades now. And there isn't a Canadian alive who couldn't tell you who the late Dave Nichol is. Though sadly he passed away in 2013, this middle-aged, could-be-your-neighbour guy in the glasses, turned out to be this country's biggest marketing genius.

After losing the rights to the PC line of beers,
Nichols didn't call it a day. He simply created
a brand new line of beers, baring his name.
For a non-drinker, he clearly knew how to pour

While among the higher-ups at Loblaw's back in the 1970s, he created the store's line of no-name discount foods. Except they had a name - President's Choice - and that name soon came to mean for all of us "of superior quality than the brand names." A foodie, Nichol spend a great deal of time in the corporate kitchen with top-notch chefs, inventing new foods, sauces and what-have-you that were good enough to bear the PC label. His home-spun 30-second commercials made a star of this regular guy who came off as persuasive yet genuine and we bought PC products by the score, simply on Dave's word. Most of us believe he hit his pinnacle when they created the President's Choice Decadent Chocolate Chip Cookie. This cookie was so rich and delicious that even people who shun sweets, such as myself, stocked their pantries hard with bags of them.

So what does any of this have to do with beer? Well, let's get to that. Allow me now to explain where the concept of discount beer was introduced to Ontario, courtesy of, you guessed it, Dave Nichol. Now while pulling the following historical info from quite literally a dozen different sources on the internet, it seems that many of them are, in turn, pulling liberally from Allen Winn Sneath's book, Brewed in Canada... meaning I am piggybacking on their piggybacking from his 400-page book. So full credit where it's due to Allen. Cheers, mate! I am uncertain what does and doesn't come from his book so I'll liberally give him all the credit.

Next on my To-Buy List? Allen Winn
Sneath's Brewed in Canada, a look at
this country's three and a half centuries
of brewing in the Great White North.

In 1991, Heineken owned the Amstel Brewery in Hamilton. Since only five or six people in Ontario drank Amstel, it became unprofitable to maintain. In 1992, Nichols approached Cott Corporation, which already make his PC pop line, and they decide to take over the brewery. It then became Lakeport Brewing, given its proximity to Lake Ontario and the waterway ports in the city. Despite being a full-time journalist, I was also working part-time at a Mississauga Beer Store at this time and I'll be honest, I have little (or no) recollection of the brewery's first efforts - Around Ontario, Laker and Laker Light (back then, I mean - now Laker is property of Brick.) But the next one, oh, I remember it well. It was the President's Choice Premium Draft. They was notable for three reasons. One, it was a buck cheaper for a 12-pack than the Labatt and Molson's products that ruled the roost, making it the first discount beer we had ever encountered. Two, I was the first person, customer and employee alike, to buy it the night it came in. And three, once the advertisements hit the air, we were sold out within the week. All Beer Stores were. Nichol, who was a non-drinker, had an unlikely hit on his hands.

But the big boys were not ones to sit on their thumbs when it came to someone else gaining both attention and market-share and within the year, Molson released the still-popular discount line of Carling beers while Labatt responded with the now-defunct Wildcat line. (Full disclosure, given how much Wildcat Lager and Wildcat Strong I used to drink, I'm stunned it's not still around.)

You have craft beer tastes but a pauper's
budget? Try this one then. PC Black Lager
stands up quite well and at $9.95/six cans
or $36 a case, this is a very strong outing.

Sometime in 1994, Labatt scooped the rights to the PC line of beers so in turn, Nichol, still owning the rights to the Premium Draft recipe, simply released an identically-priced beer line called Dave Nichol's Personal Selection. Even though my beer tastes were pretty unrefined at the time, I could see little difference between the two lines. Then a year later, Molson snatched up the rights to Nichol's brands from Cott and man... this is confusing, eh? Eventually, Lakeport just started brewing their own Lakeport line, Brick Brewery got the rights to the discount Laker line and that's more or less how it still stands. I think. I need to draw a chart or something here. Except some time later, Brick also snagged the PC line and started brewing the still-discount PC line under the name White Water Brewing. Within Brick's walls these days, there are three separate entities: Brick Brewing, Water Water Brewing and Waterloo Brewing for their small-batch craft beers. I have reviewed it before in the distant past but try the Waterloo Amber - a plunky and tasty 6.8% Marzen lager that uses six malts, including rye malt for its punchy taste. I tried it nearly two years ago as part of a Waterloo Mix-Six and went onto other things until co-worker Marie steered me back towards it recently. Good call.

A year after freezing Steam Whistle out of
the Rogers Centre, craft beer has returned
to Toronto Blue Jays' games with this year's
addition of Hockley Valley Dark Ale...

Lessee... have I forgotten anything in this rambling bit of Ontario beer history? Ahh, yes, one small matter. Labatt bought up Lakeport Brewery, shut it down, started brewing Lakeport at their own plants and did some sort of scorched earth thing with the building, rendering it inoperable for any brewery. Or did it? As it turns out, no, not quite enough salting of the earth was done as my local boys, Nickel Brook and Toronto brewers Collective Arts leased the property last year and are putting the finishing touches on their new 50,000-square-foot collaborative Arts & Science Brewery, opening this Summer. They will need the extra capacity as Nickel Brook owner John has big plans of expanding his line in New York State and Ohio as soon as possible and the present brewery on Drury Lane in Burlington simply can't crank out that much beer. Talk about a phoenix rising from the ashes.

So let's get back to that prediction from the Brick Brewery driver. While no single grocery chain can collect more than 25% of the beer-selling licences up for grabs by the Province, the Loblaw's chain is virtually a lock for a quarter of the action and included under the Loblaws umbrella, aside from their base stores are well-known grocers such as No Frills, Fortino's and believe it or not, Shopper's Drug Marts. So will the PC line be on the shelf next to the big boys? Count on it.

Is Topless Tuesday still a go, though?
Uhhhh, I'm asking for a friend...

It's one of Loblaws' single biggest assets in terms of name recognition. And the grocery store option remains one full of potential for both Brick and the PC beers they brew. As well as, oh say, PC Memories of Bangkok Sauce and the aforementioned cookies, grocery shoppers will now have yet another PC product staring them in the face. And you have to live here to know how much weight those two single letters carry.

And one day, I'll be grocery shopping and find some lady's abandoned shopping list in my cart. If it reads, "Beer, wine and other crap like food," well, by gawd, I will know my soulmate is out there.

I realize this has been a bit of a rambling beer history lesson but there are still dozens of questions around beer reform and one-by-one, I am still trying to discover them and pass them along. We'll be back to beer next time as we look at the recent Ontario Brewing Awards where old-timer Trafalgar Brewery stunned the crowd by winning "Newcomer of the Year." I mean, this brewery has been around so long, I think Moses did the ribbon-cutting. But I got the low-down on how that happened and will be looking at dozens of other winners at the same time. But guys and dolls, that's it, that all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...

What happens in Vegas, Part 2

See? For anywhere else in the world, Elton John
just brings his $127,000 piano. But, man, when he's
in Vegas? Only the million dollar piano will do! 

I was supposed to write this Las Vegas, Part 2 blog over a week ago. But then my week got highjacked by three separate things. Topping this list would be the Provincial Government's long-awaited announcement of reforms to how beer is sold in the province. As a Beer Store employee, obviously I have a vested interest - you know, it being my livelihood and all. (More on that at the end of this but, my, what an interesting little exercise that was.)

And then Netflix released an entire season, 13 episodes, of Daredevil in one day. For those unfamiliar with this Marvel superhero, he's like Batman. But broke. Oh, did I mention he's also blind? Yet, somehow he still fights crime. And despite being broke, he owns an amazing huge loft studio apartment in New York City, which frankly is a lot harder to believe than a blind dude fighting crime.

And finally, last Sunday marked the premiere of Season 5 of the insanely popular Game of Thrones. Except someone at either HBO or its distribution company leaked the first four episodes onto the internet. For us fans, that caused something of a feeding frenzy, the likes of which has not been seen outside a tank full of piranhas which has had a bucket of plump goldfish dumped into it.

All purchased at the convenience store within The Linq resort. This little
bit of IPA Heaven, included, from left,  Coronado Brewing (Coronado,
California) Islander IPA, Uinta Brewing (Salt Lake City) Hop Nosh IPA,
Sierra Nevada (Chico, California) Torpedo Extra IPA, Samuel Adams
(Boston) Rebel IPA and Sierra Nevada Hop Hunter IPA. My taste-buds
felt like they'd gone 15 rounds with Mike Tyson when I finished these...

The sole problem with the Game of Thrones' illegal and pirated multi-release? Everyone I know watched all four episodes in succession and since Episode 4 wasn't slated to air until May 3rd, we are basically sitting around on our thumbs, waiting for May 10th and wailing, "What do we do now??" I can't speak for others but personally, I live vicariously through the debauchery of a medieval man named Tyrion Lannister and now I find myself adrift and distraught for weeks to come. I might have to pay attention to, I dunno, real life or something. It's all very distressing.

Lest you think your Las Vegas Strip
shenanigans are going unnoticed, the
Vegas Police have omni-directional
cameras set up all along the strip. I
made it a point to wave because I am,
first and foremost, a polite Canadian

So long story short, my week was filled with distractions that kept me away from Las Vegas, Part 2. But it's Vegas, baby - it never goes away so right now, let's wander down the best little strip in the universe.

Since I had wisely turned off my mobile data, it became imperative to hook up with the Wifi of the resorts and casinos along the strip, mostly because my Beer Bro Stevil St Evil played a large role from his home in Wellington, New Zealand as my Craft Beer Guide in Vegas, Googling all the hot spots for me. Also, I had to seriously taunt my other Beer Bro Glenn with pictures of the sweet IPAs I was pounding because, well, that's what a-hole bros like me do. While I found it easy connecting to Wifi at my home-base in The Excalibur, it was trickier on the strip. A number of resorts wanted my email address but then disallowed mine as not legitimate. So I wandered over to the concierge at Harrah's Casino and she instantly spotted the problem. My Sympatico account ends in .ca, which is a Canada-only designation. "If I change your email to .com, you'll get Wifi from every place along the strip," she noted, "but you won't get email from the resorts and casinos." Noticing the huge grin on my face, she surmised with a laugh, "I'm sensing you're just fine with that." Uhhh, yeah. So she fixed it and now my Wifi history reads like a who's who of the Vegas strip - Planet Hollywood, Harrah's, The Linq, Paris, New York, New York, the MGM Grand, the Mile Long Mall and many others - and my Smartphone just kept connecting to whichever was closest. Since my phone is now seriously hooked into the Wifi of all the major Vegas strip landmarks, I, of course, have to return this summer. To the fine folks at The Excalibur, you have been warned. And I'm sorry... in advance.

O'Sheas is back and better than ever. Oh,
it lost some of its "dive appeal" when it
reopened in a new locale within The Linq
but it retains some of that frat-boy appeal
by continuing with their famed Beer Pong
tournaments, Bailey's Slurpees and other
assorted shenanigans. Still my top spot!!

As my first order of business, my mission was to find the "new" O'Shea's Irish Pub. When I was last on the strip in March 2012, the bartender there told me they were closing down. That made me genuinely sad because after the casino in the also-gone Imperial Palace, it was one of the rowdiest little places on the entire strip.

What that bartender did not tell me (perhaps because he didn't know) is that it would reopen in a new casino/resort a year and a half later. Formerly part of Harrah's, the new bar became part of The Linq Resort, which replaced the Imperial Palace. Now the old O'Shea's Irish Pub was a dive but man, it was a fun dive! At odds with the posher pubs along the strip, it attracted the college kids by the score with its Beer Pong tables, $2 beers and live bands. My thinking is, yeah, you can pay $500 to see Celine Dion or you can watch some really great R&B and rock bands for free at O'Sheas. Not hard to guess which I prefer.

So I hunted down O'Sheas and yes, now it was a very different animal, to be sure. I instantly struck up a conversation with the very pretty and helpful greeter, Kat, and asked if they had retained any of the old place. Yup, she noted, pointing to fixtures on the ceiling and a handful of other left-overs, painstaking attached to the walls. And, of course, she smiled, "There's your Beer Pong tables right over there." Granted, it was early afternoon so things were quiet as college kids tend to party hard until 5 a.m. and then recover for eight-to-10 hours before repeating the process.

Now for a mere $20, you can pose with these two Las
Vegas Police "officers" for a genuine mug shot. To be
honest, I'm not certain those are official police officer
outfits because how do you chase criminals in those
boots? However, there is a distinct possibility that the
criminal may stop in his tracks just to chat to the ladies

"Come back tonight," she noted, "and it'll be hopping in here." And their notorious Bailey's Irish Cream Slushee machine - the only one I ever saw on the strip and perhaps the tastiest non-beer buzz you're ever gonna get? "Demand for that is huge. It'll be back really soon," she promised.

While I chatted with Kat, I was happily sipping a Samuel Adams' Rebel IPA so hey, maybe it's time to talk beers. Being as there are no clocks anywhere in Vegas, I have no idea what time it was there but here at Donny's Bar and Grill, it's Beer O'Clock.

And hell, let's start with that Rebel IPA. Now for years, Jim Koch, owner and co-founder of Samuel Adams Brewing, resisted the movement towards hop-heavy west coast IPAs. Not his thing. Too trendy. Whatever. It's not like I can read his mind. That's why he's rich and I'm not. Finally, his brewery associates ball-gagged him, threw him on the floor, clad only in his Red Sox' boxers and flogged him with cooked spaghetti noodles until he relented. (Legal disclaimer: their actual persuasion techniques may have been subtler and far more professional.) So the Boston Beer Company, which most of us simply call Sam Adams, relented and offered the Rebel IPA up as a foray into the west coast style IPA. How was it? It wasn't bad... for a first try.

I have had the Green Flash West Coast Double
IPA but the Lagunitas IPA was a new one for
me. How was it? Whoa, pretty damn good, I say

 Some citrus on the nose and orange on the tongue, I would call it decent, though not outstanding. That said, Pandora's Box has finally been opened at Boston Beer. Let's see some secondary tries at IPAs, as well as an Imperial IPA, boys.

Moving from Boston to Salt Lake City, Utah, from which Vegas mainstays Donny and Marie Osmond hail, let's try Uinta Brewing's Hop Nosh IPA, shall we? Okay, now we're back on track, ironically from an alcohol-light, Mormon-heavy community. At 7.3% and 82 IBUs (international bitterness units), the Hop Nosh packed a bit of punch. Grapefruit on the nose and very bitter tongue, this is definitely a Brew Ha Ha kind of IPA.

Now, not one but two offerings from our old friends at Sierra Nevada Brewing in Chico, California - their Hop Hunter IPA and Torpedo Extra IPA. The Hop Hunter is wet-hopped, not dry-hopped (my preference), but still a strong contender. At 6.2% and 60 IBU, it won't kill you but is still a strong IPA with some pine on the nose and citrus on the tongue. Their Torpedo Extra IPA, on the other hand? One of the better beers I've ever had. At 7.2% and 70 IBUs, it's an IPA that borders on Imperial IPA (like the Hop Nosh) but not quite. Citrus on the nose, some sweet orange on the tongue, this is now in my Top-Ten beers.

Panhandlers are up and down the La Vegas strip with
 various signs. This guy got an entire pocket of change
from me for two reasons. One, he was honest. I know
this for a fact because I too was checking out butts the
entire time I was there. But two, he's a ginger. He got
all that cash basically so he wouldn't steal my soul...

Okay, onto Coronado, California for the Coronado Brewing Islander IPA. At 7% and 75 IBUs, this reminded me a ton of Spearhead (Toronto) Hawaiian Style Pale Ale (but stronger and hoppier). Some citrus on the nose, all pineapple on the tongue, this was also a really nice offering. (Let's face it - I was basically spoiled by riches in Vegas and it had nothing to do with slot machines, Poker tables or showgirls and everything to do with top-notch IPAs.)

That brings me to the last one - the Lagunitas IPA. The Petaluma, California brewers claim they use 43 hops and 65 malts to make this beer. Either they are insane or someone in their "commercial description" department met with Walter White and sampled the Blue Meth just before writing that description. No beer anywhere uses that much of anything in the making of one single vat. They'd have to sell a single bottle for $87. According to my receipt, it was $6.95 so let's assume they're being cheeky monkeys. That said, a very strong beer for a relatively light 6.2%, 70 IBU offering. Strong citrus on the nose, lighter citrus and grapefruit on the tongue, we shall file this in the "Pretty Damn Good" folder.

Okay, that's it for this Las Vegas installment but a little bit more to come next time. But before I take a knee, let's look quickly at this Ontario Alcohol Reform stuff we dealt with up here in Ontario on Thursday.

This was an actual dude painted in gold, posing as a gold
statue on Las Vegas Boulevard. It was 90F out or 32C for
Canadian readers. Yeah, he got some of my money, too
because he sat there as still as a statue, despite the heat...

Well, the government decided to change how beer was sold in this province and decided grocery stores could sell it too. In a couple of years. But six-packs only. For exactly the same price as the Beer Store and liquor stores. Not a penny less. Oh yes, and the grocers have to bid on the licences, too. And of course, the brewers, big and small, will have to pay a shelving fee, just as they do at the Beer Store and LCBO. One more thing, the grocers will have to keep beer sales to the same hours as the Beer Stores and LCBOs so if you're thinking of heading over to that 24-hour Sobey's and grabbing a couple of sixes at midnight? Nope, the beer section will be cordoned off.

Then the government decided that LCBOs could sell 12-packs for the same price as the Beer Store. (Right now, if you buy two six-packs of, say, Corona from them, you pay for two six-packs but at the Beer Store, you get a 12-pack price break for those two sixes.) But only a handful of liquor stores will be part of this - 10 at first as part of a pilot project. But not for a while because the government has to study the difference between selling six beers and 12 beers due to the deep socio-political implications of that purchase. Complicated stuff. Study is clearly needed.

Beer makes me cray cray... not only in Vegas.
Pretty much everywhere, if I'm being honest...
I can blame a lot of stuff on Las Vegas but there
is no way that beer making me cray cray is one.

And finally, my Beer Store and others have to open up 20% of our shelf space for craft brewers! That's up from, I dunno, maybe 7%? As a Beer Store worker who also loves his craft beer, this was pretty good news to me!

Okay, so while our Premier was announcing this as the biggest alcohol-related move in the Province since the repeal of Prohibition (her words, not mine), she may as well had bright neon signs behind her and a bullhorn yelling, "Pay attention because this involves beer and that is sexy, sexy beer news!!! You! In the back!! Can you hear me??? Because this is sexy sexy beer stuff!!!" But in an artful dodge, the government also, at the exact same time, very quietly at the end mentioned the potential sale of controlling interest (60%) of Hydro-One for a price of roughly $9 billion to private investors.

Well now, that's some very unpopular, seriously-gonna-hurt-us-in-the-long-run news masked... hell, drowned out by all that sexy, sexy beer news. If you know anything of magicians, they are all about the art of deflection and directing your attention elsewhere. Why? For the single purpose of tricking you. Any government, regardless of party, is not that much different. I gotta tell you, David Copperfield himself probably watched this and said, "Whoa, she's good."

Not far inside the doors of The Excalibur, beautiful
ladies lay in wait to pounce on innocent tourists and
get them to pose with them for $20. What kind of a
nitwit would fall for that?? I can't even imagine...

In essence, in the front end of her speech, she took on the private owners of the Beer Store with new rules, claiming the present system is unfair... while at the back end of her speech, she quietly offered up a key government asset to *ahem* private owners for a big stack of cash. The left hand gives while the right hand takes away. Welcome to Government 101.

Okay, the most common question asked me when I returned... did I make any money in Las Vegas? Let's put it this way. I am presently having a contest with my couch and washing machine to see who has the most money. So far, I'm in third.

Back to Ontario beers the next time with some past Vegas stories thrown in for shits and giggles. For the record, the winner of the Best IPA on the Las Vegas Strip Competition? Well, it's a tie between Stone IPA and Sierra Nevada Torpedo Extra IPA with Goose Island IPA getting an Honourable Mention. That Goose Island was on bar taps all over the strip. All great beers. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time (unless more Game of Thrones episodes are pirated), I remain...

What happens in Vegas, Part 1

Okay, The Excalibur, located on the corner of Las Vegas and Tropicana
Boulevards, was built back in 1990. The two towers, on the left and right,
house over 4,000 rooms while those Disneyland-looking castle towers in the
middle cover the casino, shops, restaurants and everything else. Great place!

"What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas..."

I feel confident we all are familiar with Sin City's above motto. And I am here to say it's true. What happened in Vegas (I drank a crapload of high-test IPAs which caused me to accidentally) stay in Vegas. By just one extra day but still...

So in my usual ass-backwards way, this little story of my trip to Las Vegas starts at the end, not the beginning. Because the end is the bizarre part. I landed in Vegas on the Monday night (March 30) for a little two-day jaunt and was scheduled to leave on Wednesday (April 1st) at just before midnight.

I honestly did not know there was a Dick's Last Resort in
the Excalibur. When I got into the hotel after landing
and found out? Well, lemme say, that was an added bonus!

Everything was going according to plan. I landed, had two wild days of consuming some of the best IPAs that America has to offer and was back at the McCarran Airport in Vegas by 10 pm Wednesday. I got my boarding pass. I cleared my way through the rigorous TSA security check-point and was happily at my gate more than an hour before the flight was scheduled to leave. (Quick TSA Aside: when the TSA agents put you in the X-Ray cylinder and ask you to put your arms straight up, don't start singing "Hands up, baby, hands up, gimme your heart, gimme, gimme your heart..." Nothing really bad happens. They just don't like it at all and ask you to stop. Immediately.) So there I was, at my boarding gate (D20, I believe), alive and well for my trip home. Though to be honest, I was also sufficiently juiced on excellent IPAs. But it's Vegas so it's not like I'm not the first to arrive at McCarran in that condition. I took out a book and...

I fell asleep in the chair. A pretty deep sleep, too, I would suggest. A hibernation, perhaps. Because when I woke up at 2 a.m., I was the only person in the airport. Now either no one bothered to wake me up or, more likely, no one could wake me. Upon reading my predicament on Facebook, an ex-girlfriend messaged me a third possibility. "Perhaps they heard your chainsaw snoring and as a group, voted not to wake you up, thinking, 'Who wants to fly home in the seat next to that guy?'" She was teasing... but not an invalid theory.

This is fairly typical of the kind of hat they
stick on your head at Dick's Last Resort.
Politically correct? Oh no. Not even close.

So very panicked, I scrambled out of the airport and immediately cabbed it back to The Excalibur, the resort I was staying at and said to the reservations desk, "I have Room 2137 booked until tomorrow. I know I checked out but can I get back it for the night?" The young lady smiled, handed me a fresh key and said, "Go get a good night's sleep, cowboy."

The same morning (later on), I woke up, cabbed it back to McCarran and was directed by the Air Canada desk to call the airline's 1-888 number from a nearby pay phone to book a new flight. After sitting on hold forever (or 23 minutes - everyone's definition of "forever" is different), I did precisely that and made my way home 12 hours and 30 minutes after my initial departure was to take place. In all honesty, that single desperate flight home cost $47 more (plus several $5 Starbuck's double-doubles to ensure I stayed awake) than my original flight and hotel cost as a one-shot that I had spent hours researching and then booking online a few weeks earlier. File that under, well, Vegas happens. In relating this story to others, I found the reactions were split down the gender lines. Women rolled their eyes and said words to the effect of "Only you, Don." Guys, on the other hand, found it hilarious and in most cases, related their own "missed flight" story. Though to be honest, the great majority had them still unconscious in their hotel room. I appear to be the only one who actually made it as far as the boarding gate. One guy, who had missed a flight in Florida for similar reasons, noted he wasn't sure if I should get extra points for at least making it to the airport or lose points for being 50 feet away from my plane and still not making it on. In the end, got home, still alive... now, let's talk fun.

This is true. Dick's Last Resort was funny and
rowdy but never too far beyond being naughty

Okay, first of all, to the dudes and ladies at The Excalibur. Outstanding place and also a hotel that I will eagerly book again this Summer. Been at Planet Hollywood (three times) and the former Imperial Palace (now The Linq and a very, very different place) twice in previous visits. Loved 'em both. The Imperial was a dump but it had the rowdiest casino on the strip. And Planet Hollywood, much posher, had rock music blaring everywhere. They both had their unique charms.

But The Excalibur? I checked in, then checked out. Then checked back in on the Wednesday morning when I realized, "Damn, my flight doesn't leave until midnight, it's only 11 a.m. and I need somewhere to keep my crap." And then checked back out. And then checked in because I missed that flight... and then checked back out. And despite my schizophrenic booking activities, they took care of me, never soaked me (yeah, Air Canada, looking at you) and treated me like, well, gold, Jerry, gold! They will be seeing more (likely much more) of my business. Believe me, I am not a travel blogger, just a beer blogger, but yeah, five stars absolutely from this Canadian castaway. Tons of great resorts on the strip. Book this one. Thank me later. (Maybe pay for my next missed flight. Or at least a $5 Starbuck's double-double.)

This is NOT Tall Dude at Dick's Last Resort in
the Excalibur. No, this is OTHER Dude. I took
Tall Dude pics on my phone but they're all blurry
as hell so, well, Other Dude gets the "glory"...

Which brings me to Dick's Last Resort, a bar that has been set up in their casino for a little more than a decade now. Now originally, Dick's was not called Dick's. No, it was a chain of upper-scale eateries than ended up sinking faster than the Titanic. So the investors kept a small handful (17 or so now) and reopened them... as the most obnoxious, politically-incorrect bars ever. By that, I mean, they don't expect the bar-staff to treat you poorly. They train them to!!!! You want a napkin? They may just throw them at you. I knew of the place and couldn't wait for their treat-people-like-crap attitude. I even had a few lame "sex with yo' momma" retorts at the ready. Well, turns out that while it's crude and lewd, it's not really all that nasty. Tons of obvious innuendo on the t-shirts and walls, playing off their name ("Get a mouthful @ Dick's"). Dudes in Hawaiian shirts manned the bar and the biggest nod to dissing the customers came in their large paper hats they force on patrons with funny things written on them. Tasteful things like: "I'm not a hooker... but $20 is $20", "My hat is wrinkled... just like my balls", "Like the Chicken Pox, everyone's had me at least once", "Thank God for make-up", "Swallowed more sea-men than Moby Dick" and of course, on the guys' hats, too many dick references for me to even begin. Parking it at the bar, I asked if they had any decent IPAs on tap. Yup, Tall Dude (there was a second server - Other Dude) said, Goose Island IPA (out of Chicago). As he plunked it in front of me, we made idle chit-chat. Knowing my name and where I was from, I asked Tall Dude what my hat would say. Thinking for a second, he says, "Missing that Canadian jail dick!" I tipped him anyway because I laughed.

My man, Kenny, pours me a Stone IPA at Pour 24 in the
New York New York resort. The bar is thusly named
because like many Vegas bars, it pours 24 hours a day...

Tapping into Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil's Google talents, I texted him in Wellington, New Zealand and said, "What's available, craft-wise, at (resort) New York New York?", which is across the street from The Excalibur. He texted back within seconds, noting they had a bar called Pour 24, loaded with craft beers. Conveniently, there is a walkway above Tropicana Boulevard from The Excalibur into NYNY's side entrance. Spotting a little open-concept (no walls) bar just inside the door, I asked the server, "Can you direct me to Pour 24?" He laughed and said, "Walk six more feet in my direction." Apparently, the neon sign directly above my head had eluded me. Well, now, that was easy. Pouring through the menu, I decided to start with a Great Basin Brewing (Sparks, Nevada - and basically the other end of the state) Icky IPA. After the Goose Island IPA I had just enjoyed on draft, this 6.2% offering was a distant runner-up. Very distant. Far too mild, far too malty whereas the Goose Island IPA, even at 5.9% and just 55 IBUs (international bitterness units) had tons of fruit on the nose and bitter grapefruit on the tongue. (Goose Island IPA would be my most-consumed beer of the trip due to its availability on draft taps across the city.)

Much like the saying, "Can't see the trees for
the forest", I couldn't see this sign as I was
standing directly below it. Also, it would
appear the forest was turned into floor tiling.

Never fear, though - Pour 24 also had Dogfish Head Brewing (Milton, Delaware) 60-Minute IPA next on the menu and while Beer Musketeer Glenn had given me a 90-Minute Imperial IPA, I've never had the 60-Minute IPA. I can't say which of the two I enjoyed more because the 90-Minute was over a year ago now but damn, I'll tell you this for free - there ain't nothin' wrong with being a half-hour shorter. Citrus on the nose and citrus bitterness on the tongue, this 6%, 60 IBU was pretty frickin' solid. Like Stone Brewing, these guys don't make a dog.

And speaking of which, for all the Stone Brewing (Escondido, California) products that Glenn has somehow managed to illegally procure over the past year, the one I've never had? Plain old Stone IPA. Fortunately, Pour 24 would soon fix that problem. (Well, okay, maybe a white male first world "problem", anyway.) Okay, given that their Ruination Imperial IPA is pretty much my favourite beer of, well, forever, how does this 6.9%, 77 IBU baby brother beer stack up? Good night, nurse, it was awesome. Magnum, Chinook and Centennial hops give you a bloody nose (well, I also fell off the bar-stool so it may have been that) - grapefruit on the nose and tongue, it could arm-wrestle Ruination to a draw. Or at least, come close enough to take it to a shoot-out.

When it comes to my favourite Las Vegas pub, there is always
time for shenanigans!!! But O'Shea's is new and different now
and we will get to that next time. Tons of Vegas left to go...

I finally noticed that at about 2 a.m., I was running out of gas. I figured that was fairly respectable and then realized my brain (well, what little there was left of it) was still working on Toronto time where it was actually 5 a.m. Small wonder the tank was empty. The stomach, on the other hand? Okay, I'll be honest, it was calling it a night, too.

So we'll stop at Las Vegas Night #1 and continue on next time with a few key revelations such as... why did Tall Dude at Dick's start calling me Osmond? What happened to my favourite Vegas Irish Pub, O'Shea's? How good is Vegas hypnotist Anthony Cools? What does a $1 Michelob taste like? (Hell, I'll answer that now - it tastes like $1.)

But I will leave you with some words of wisdom from Tall Dude at Dick's. On the first night, I asked him if any celebrities ever came into his fine establishment. He thought for a second and said, "Well, I got a really nasty rash last year so maybe Kim Kardashian walked by and looked at us in passing?" Good one. And let's face it - if we knew the Kardashians only by their actions and not as people, we'd probably think a Kardashian was some kind of exercise bicycle for NBA players. Okay, much more Vegas to come. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...