New Russian and missing Malaysian readers

As far as Stevil St Evil and I can tell, this is
the premier, if not only, craft beer bar in
all of Malaysia - the Taps Beer Bar in Kuala
Lumpur. So we pinpointed this as the place
where Malaysians were reading this column

A funny thing happened over Christmas - well, two funny things, actually. The first was my Mom finally telling me there was no Santa Claus. I kind of had to feint shock over that revelation because I've known that for, like, at least the last 10 years... maybe even 15. To be frank, a lot of my conversations with my Mom take a lot of twisty turns in the road. I asked her a question this year and 27 minutes later, her answer eventually wound down with "... and that's how I picked the colour of my drapes." I wasn't sure what to say other than, "So you haven't seen where I put my scarf?"

But we all love our Moms and know no matter what they do or say, we will smile, nod and said, "Thanks, Mom." That's probably because in our teenage years, we were a pretty clear examples of why some animals eat their young. But she also asked me how many people have read this column. Good question. When I started this back in June 2013, Beer Bro Stevil St Evil, currently enjoying Summer in Wellington, New Zealand, basically created the whole thing for me - the header, the sign-off and well, how to actually do this. (So... blame him!) He was an old blog pro at that point. And he showed me how to track it - a tool that lets you see how many people have read it, what country they're from, their entry-point to it, things like that.

The actual taps at Taps Beer Bar in Kuala Lumpur. An
impressive array of foreign craft beers for thirsty folks.

Now understand, when I started this, I used to track this thing religiously. Since then, my religion changed a few times. I now track super-models in bikinis. Next week, it'll probably be roast beef sandwiches around the world. I was ADD long before it became a thing which is to say I have the Tyrion of attention spans (hint: really, really short.) I'll check every once in a while but usually, I'm thinking about the next one. Numbers are just numbers. My Mom will eagerly tell you that numbers didn't mean much to me in high school, either. So, back to the point (shut up, I have ADD!), she asked how many hits this column has received. I honestly didn't know so I pulled it up on my phone. The answer was well over 40,000 but this is when things took one of those interesting Mom turns.

If I visit Kuala Lumpur some day, I plan
on taking my picture on this very patio!

"What's that world map there?" she asked, looking at the tracker. "Oh, that tells me where the readers live," I told her. "It's always the big beer drinking countries leading the pack - Canada, the USA, Germany, the U.K., Australia." Looking at it, she noted, "And Russia, apparently." So I looked. She was right. In the last month, Russia readers have outnumbered my two biggest guns, Canada and the USA, topping their combined numbers. In the last week, they were nearly three times higher than the other two combined. I had no idea. Who are they? Why are they suddenly reading these words? What's their interest in North American craft beer? Beats me but that's very cool. I quickly sent out a PM to Alex, Stevil's lovely young Russian friend, also in Wellington, and asked if she could send me "Welcome, my friends", written in Russian. Gladly, she noted, sending back this: Добро пожаловать Now I am trusting Alex here. That could say, "I wear pretty pink party dresses" and I'd never know.

When I showed my coworker, Ethan Snow (the bastard son of Edward Stark, who knows nothing) that I had over 800 Russian hits in the past week, he laughed and had a theory.

Russian President Vladimir Putin raises a cold
beer with others in the Athletes' Village during
the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics! Zazdarovje!
That's "cheers" when you're toasting. I think.

"I bet some professor at the University of Moscow found your blog and is using it to teach his students about decadence and moral decay in Western society!" He was joking but it makes more sense than anything I can think of.

Now I'm telling this world tracker story because the last time I noticed an anomaly, it didn't end well. Because it's a weird and somewhat spooky story. Twilight Zone stuff. Back at the beginning of 2014 when I paid closer attention to the tracker, I suddenly found I had readers in Malaysia. Exactly 15 of them every blog. No more, no less, always 15. Struck me as a little odd so I passed that along to Stevil, the King of Google and said, "What do you make of this?" So he hunted around online and eventually found the one craft beer bar in Malaysia - Taps Beer Bar in Kuala Lumpur. "I bet some regulars there read it and other blogs to see what's happening with craft beers in North America. Probably tons of ex-patriots over there." Hmmm, yeah, makes sense. So every week, my 15 faithful Malaysians clicked on this thing. That is until March 8, 2014 when Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 left Kuala Lumpur Airport headed for Beijing, China and disappeared somewhere over the Indian Ocean, never to be found.

Okay, right off the top, Stone City Ales'
Grizzled Hipster Double IPA has one of
the best names I've heard this year. They
just need some creative Kingston artist to
start popping out cool labels for their beers

As far as I know, that was the last time there was a Malaysian hit on this. I can break down my stats to the past week, the past day and even the past two hours so even if there were a few, I would have noticed. Nada. They just disappeared. I told Stevil. "Okay," he confessed at the time. "That's just weird. And creepy. You think maybe they were on some group excursion flight together and... well, you know?" But that's the thing. We don't know. It could be a coincidence. Maybe 15 readers in Malaysia all got sick of me at the same time on or around March 8, 2014. Hell, I've seen that exact thing happen when I've been in rooms with large groups of women. But *poof*, they were gone. So I told my Mom about the Malaysian mystery while I was explaining the geo-tracker. She laughed and I mean, really laughed. She's 86 but still, no one snaps you back to reality faster than your Mom. Also I started laughing because I made her laugh...

Okay, enough about the Malaysian Fifteen (yeah, I named them), let's talk beer. As mentioned before, young Kylie, the beer technician at Rib Eye Jack's Ale House in Burlington occasionally slides me a new beer from what I simply call Kylie's Kraft Kollection. Not long ago, one of them was a Stone City Ales (Kingston) Grizzled Hipster Double IPA. Okay, off the top (and again, as mentioned before) this brewery won silver and bronze at the 2015 Ontario Brewing Awards for North American IPA with their Green Goddess Imperial and Uncharted IPAs.

Royal City Brewing, the little brewery out
of Guelph that could, is smokin' with this
little ale. Not outstanding but pretty good

At that point, the brewery had been in existence for all of nine months. So they know their IPAs and clearly have had a handle on the tricky style from the get-go. This 8%, 90 IBU (international bitterness units) shows a lot of promise at first pour - decent half inch head, murky copper colour and the light tinge of fruit aroma on the nose. The taste for a double is not all that complicated - a little grapefruit, a little honey. This is a solid beer that masks the ABV beautifully (I would have thought it was a single had I not known) but my problem is simply this. I have been awash in outstanding double IPAs all year. Hell, I had a Heady Topper which is the frikkin' Holy Grail of North American Imperial/Double IPAs. So while this was good, I've been drowning my taste-buds in great lately. Still, I like this little brewery. Kylie gifted me with a one-litre (34 ounces) howler of their Single Handed Galaxy Pale Ale during the Summer that knocked my socks off so not every swing is gonna clear the fences. That said, the Grizzled Hipster is still more than good enough to try.

I felt very much same way about the Royal City Brewing's (Guelph) Smoked Honey Ale that I recent had at Rib Eye Jack's. Some sweet smokiness on the nose, the 6.2%, 32 IBU ale has some smoky caramel on the tongue but what I didn't get was honey (which could be good as I'm not a fan.) That said, my server, wee spitfire Cara, had a sample and did get the honey. But she said she consumes a lot of honey. I have some here at Donny's Bar and Grill but I am saving it in case Queen Elizabeth II ever pops by for a spot of tea. It could happen. A decent little ale.

My first beer from Custom Brewcrafters
out of Honeoye Falls, New York was the
Caged Alpha Monkey IPA. It was meh.

During one of his illicit Niagara Falls, New York Beer Runs, my Beer Bro Glenn had a Custom Brewcrafters' (Honeoye Falls, New York) Caged Alpha Monkey IPA in the grab-bag for me. According to their website, this 6.5%, 65 IBU ale uses Falconer's Flight, Apollo, Chinook and Experimental 05256 hops in the mix. I recognize the first three. The last one is a bit of a head-scratcher, though. That said, I got zero aroma off this. Like nothing. It was weird. Like Malaysian Fifteen weird. No aroma. It was much better on the tongue, a bit bready but with sly hints of pine. But still, I dunno... meh. Glenn had also brought me a Stone Brewing Enjoy By 10.31.15 (Halloween) IPA that was kick-ass so life has a way of levelling out.

I felt the same way - once again - about the BrewDog Punk IPA. I had read a million things about this Ellon, Aberdeenshire, Scotland brewery and all of them were centred on how outrageous and rebellious these dudes were. Glenn and I both bought it at the same time and I put my review on hold, knowing that was Glenn's father hometown so I wanted to leave first crack to him, right? Eventually, about a month ago, Glenn got off the crapper and wrote it up. He came to pretty much the same conclusion as me. This wasn't what either of us expected. Their commercial description says they used Chinook, Ahtanum, Amarillo, Cascade, Simcoe and Nelson Sauvin hops.

Okay, Smuttynose made far better use of the
Amarillo hops in this IPA. I really enjoyed this
Finestkind IPA. Will definitely buy more of it.

So with that kind of hop ammo (Amarillo, for gawd's sake), how did this beer end up being just 5.6% and 45 IBU?? That's the Pale Ale Zone, not IPA turf. (While my Scottish side feels pretty let down, my Irish side is laughing its ass off and yelling, "Ya dress-wearin' wankers!") It had a little bit of fruitiness on the nose but was cloyingly sweet and only lightly bitter on the tongue. This is a pale ale. Maybe. Still Stevil assures us both that these guys do make some dynamite beers so we haven't heard the last of BrewDog, I suspect.

Okay, I waited quite a while for Smuttynose Finestkind IPA to land at my Beer Store. While I thought the Hampton, New Hampshire beer was being held back by the LCBO, it turned out that wasn't the case. Rib Eye Jack's GM Steve explained to me that any beer landing on Canadian shelves must be thoroughly tested by the LCBO's labs under the mandate of the Alcohol and Gaming Commision of Ontario (AGCO). Why? Well, simply to make sure the ingredients are what the brewers claim, that the ABV is correct, basically that the beer (or wine or spirit) is what it claims to be. That's why sometimes you will see a little sticker placed over the ABV with single bottle offerings coming from the brewers. That's usually a correction and rather than reprint the entire label, they just sticker the correct ABV on top.

Stevil St Evil's reenactment of my
greeting him at Toronto's Pearson
Airport. Except that's not me. And
that's not the Japanese sign I was
holding up to first greet him as the
wayfaring traveler he was. Other
than that, he got the booze taxi part
bang on. I drove while he drank...

So I can't hang its delay on the LCBO. They're just doing their due diligence under orders of the AGCO. My bad.

So how was it? Okay, I really enjoyed this one. Balancing the citrusy hop flavour of the Simcoe and Santiams hops with the bitterness of Amarillo, this 6.9%, 65 IBU brew-pop brings a lot of citrus to the nose while walloping the tongue with a healthy dollop of grapefruit bitterness. A truly solid east coast American IPA. I will be having more of this. Hell, I did last night.

Okay, that wraps up this edition but I will be back, likely January 1st if I'm not too hungover, with my Best of 2015 list. You'll laugh, you'll cry and if it's itchy, you will scratch your ass. Also lots of news about the Burlington Winter Beer Festival coming January 29 and 30 to the Holiday Inn. And I'll probably spend the first two months of 2016, catching up on 2015 beers. I thank my new Russian readers and sincerely hope the Malaysian Fifteen simply got bored of me. But before you go, have you ever wondered what it's like to spend nearly a week at Donny's Bar and Grill? Stevil St Evil did precisely that back in late-May, early-June and, well, he survived to tell the tale. And I lived to read the exploits of his visit. If you wanna know his side of the story, it's right here in his column that's probably not called: Don Redmond Is The Most Interesting Man On Earth But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...

2015: The weird, the wild, the wacky

When Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne bought
the first six-pack of grocery store beer in a Toronto
Loblaws on December 15, she chose Collective
Arts Brewing's Rhyme & Reason Extra Pale Ale.
Naturally, the Hamilton brewery happily splashed
the picture on their Facebook page. That lead to
disturbing responses from the brewery's readers

As 2015 begins to wind down, it's now time to look back on it in sombre reflection of The Year in Beer. Don't worry - I said sombre, not sober. Ain't nobody got time for sober. So let's look at some of the cheery, beery things that happened in the past 365 days...

When Good News Turned Into Bad Reviews: There can be little doubt that the introduction of grocery stores selling beer was the biggest story of the year. Staid, boring Ontario finally got onboard with what other North America provinces and states have been doing for decades. The big day was December 15 with a couple dozen grocery stores selling beer and many more to follow over the next few years - 450 in the end or something like that. But Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne made damned sure it was she who bought the first six-pack ever sold in a grocery store. Fair enough - her initiative thus her prerogative. The manager at the Toronto Loblaws was also clever enough to make sure the cashier who sold it to her also carded her. (One of the concerns about grocery store beers was that they would not have the same level of social responsibility as the Beer Stores and LCBOs.) It made for a great political sound bite but a tad unnecessary as Wynne is 62 years old and looks a lot like your Aunt Pearl who has dishes of hard candy in her living room. Wynne's choice for the first purchase was Collective Arts Brewing's Rhyme & Reason Extra Pale Ale, a truly delicious pale ale. So naturally, the Hamilton brewery splashed that picture on their Facebook page within minutes.

WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU MUD: On the
Sunday of the Burlington Summer Beer
Festival, we got hit by a monsoon at about
3 pm. Lasted about a half hour as we all
quickly sought cover. I sought mine in the
Samuel Adams tent and continued to drink
their Rebel IPA. It was tough. I managed. Also,
this Shiny Apple Cider dude did something cool

I mean, hey, that's a pretty big feather in your cap, right? Being part of history? Okay, what should have happened was non-stop "way to go!" comments. But social media being what it is, it turned into a few "way to go!" comments offset with a couple hundred nasty, even vicious, political comments about Wynne with zero mention of the beer's accomplishment. It got so bad that Collective Arts eventually yanked the picture. A moment in Ontario history tarnished by open internet access to the knucklehead anonymous Joe-123's of the world. Turns out the view from 32-year-olds still living in Mom and Dad's basement can be, at times, scathingly negative. Go figure.

This Cider Server Got Shiny: You see this smiling chap to the right? Never got his name but he was server with the Shiny Apple Cider booth at the Burlington Summer Craft Beer Festival in Spencer Smith Park. Well, we got nailed with a freakin' monsoon for about a half hour on the Sunday afternoon. I mean, it was coming down hard and sideways. The ground was a mucky mess when it was done. As the storm trickled down slowly, this dude decided to do a face-first mud slide down a 35-foot decline. It was damn impressive to see. That t-shirt and his shorts were completely mud-caked when he was done. I shall never mock cider again as their servers are frikkin' hard-core.

Lord Stanley's Mug, Part 1: When the Chicago Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup in mid-June, something happened in the dressing room that had never happened before.

"Here you go! You're probably sick of Bud and Canadian
and Bud Light! Here's some outstanding tasty craft beer!"

The Stanley Cup finally got its first taste of real craft beer. Nope, as you can see, this particular player opted not for mainstream fare but instead, poured in some Steady Hand Brewing (Crown Point, Indiana) Citra City IPA into what we Canucks affectionately call Lord Stanley's Mug. It's obvious which hop is used in this beer so somewhere, the ghost of Lord Stanley is saying, "Oh thank gawd, finally!"

Labatt bought Mill Street Brewing - No One Died: In fact, despite the purchase on October 9, Mill Street continues to brew their beers with complete autonomy. The most amazing thing about it all is that when I wrote a column about their joint media announcement, I never once joked about the fact that the Labatt president's name is Jan Craps. I'm gonna guess he took it on the chin enough at school for that unfortunate surname as it was.

Smuttynose Island is one of the Shoal Islands, located
six miles (10 kilometres) off the coast of New Hampshire
but is actually part of Maine. The brewery, of course, is
in New Hampshire. As to the seal? Well, just a mascot

Smuttynose Misses A Golden Marketing Opportunity: When it finally landed in my Beer Store after weeks of being told it was on its way, I instantly bought a case of Smuttynose Brewing's (Hampton, New Hampshire) Finestkind IPA. Just in time for Christmas! Why? Because I knew three employees at Rib Eye Jack's Ale House in Burlington had never had it. And these would be Christmas presents for general manager Steve, beer technician Kylie and server Cara. While there's still dozens of IPAs that Cara hasn't yet tried, you gotta ball hard to find IPAs, whether they be single, double or triple, that Steve and Kylie have never tried. Glorious success! So they all got six-packs while I kept one for me (review coming in the new year - but I will be buying more so 'nuff said.) But all over the case was the slogan, "Make Mine a Smutty." Is it just me or would this not be much better with the word "a" removed? Just sayin'.

Most Mangled Classic Rock Lyrics Of The Year: My new (well, at a few months, new-ish) Beer Store coworker, Katrina, knows all the lyrics to both classic and contemporary rock.

NOW, LORD STANLEY'S MUG, PART 2:
Yes, that craft beer was good but this Chicago
Blackhawk player decided to have his morning
breakfast of Lucky Charms out of the bowl. Was
it magically delicious? Let's assume it was "yes"

At just 27, she was weaned on it as a child by her parents and it continues on to this day as her favourite musical genre as a young adult. So, of course, always a pleasure to work with her. The sound of us singing together in the empties area while we work is pretty common. For the record, our harmonies suck. Also we don't care. But while we have the classic/new rock on in the empties area, our cooler and lobby has piped-in music. It's not horrible or anything - just no songs recorded after 1985. So when Creedence Clearwater Revival's Bad Moon Risin' was playing in the cooler, co-worker Jay-Dawg came into the back area, singing his heart out. Except at one point, Katrina had to intervene. "Did you just sing, 'There's a bathroom on the right'?" she asked. Yeah, said Jay, is that not it? "There's a bad moon on the rise," I told him. "Oh," he noted, thinking for a second. "Nah, I like mine better." Fair enough.

Jay-Dawg Strikes Back On GLB Swamp Juice: Great Lakes Brewery has created something they ship to bars called Swamp Juice. It's a mixture of three of their beers but at the core is always their Canuck Pale Ale, a damn solid brew. While I forget what the combo was in Batch 18, it was great smelling but not as strong on the tongue. With Batch 19, they hit the jackpot, mixing Canuck with Thrust! and Lake Effects IPAs. I loved it but Jay really loved it - it was our go-to at Rib Eye Jack's for a couple of weeks.

Canadian children's TV icon, Mr Dressup, and his
notorious "tickle trunk". Kinda creepy now that I
give it some thought. The late Ernie Coombs played
the guy so we kinda know where to point the finger. 

Really outstanding. With Batch 20 now out, they went with Thrust!, Canuck and their Long Dong Pilsner as the combo. It was good but not nearly as good as Batch 19 so I told Jay about the combo change. "Putting Long Dong and Thrust together?" he grinned. "That could be pretty painful!"

And Speaking Of GLB's Long Dong Pilsner: When Stevil St Evil visited Donny's Bar and Grill in late May-early June, one of the byproducts of our craft beer drinking marathons was joint beer reviews for this very column. Quite often, as the days and evenings progressed, those reviews spiraled as out of control as a plane that had lost a wing. Indeed, while drinking the Mikkeller Black Imperial Stout, which clocks in at a killer 17%, neither of us knew what the beer was - its label was just some Asian symbol. This was Stevil's review: "It's like a porter mixed with molasses mixed with bourbon that some Danish God's scrotum was dipped in. It's f***ing amazing!" So here you can see the level of professionalism we brought to the joint beer review proceedings. Little to none. So when it came to Long Dong Pilsner, Steve's review was this: "It's a tickle trunk of tasty treats." Ah yes, the tickle trunk. In our youth, there was a Canadian children's TV show called Mr. Dressup. And in retrospect, it was kind of weird.

The Goose Island Beer Company tent at
the Burlington Beer Festival. I remained
dubious of the answers I got from them...

His tickle trunk was an actual trunk where costumes and props for skits were kept and also served as counter for his puppet friends, Casey and Finnegan. Never mind a Danish God's scrotum but using Mr Dressup's questionable tickle trunk to describe a beer? That's just wrong on every level.

So Who Brews That Goose Island IPA? When Goose Island IPA landed in Canada, just two weeks after I had enjoyed it on many bar taps in Las Vegas, I was thrilled. Because Labatt is tied to American giant Anheuser-Busch and both are under the umbrella of Belgian behemoth A-B InBev, Labatt got the rights to the beer brewed by Chicago's Goose Island as it was purchased by Anheuser-Busch in 2011. When it arrived, I was instantly suspicious because it came with the Labatt delivery in Canadian industry standard bottles. So I bought some. Pretty good beer, citrusy flavour, 5,9% and 55 IBUs (international bitterness units) but I was 99.9% certain this was not the same beer I drank in Vegas. I mean, it was pretty good - I still buy it on occasion but no, not the same. More citrus than I remember though Vegas was kind of a blur. I saw more than a few vague references on the internet that it was the actual Chicago product and was not brewed up here. I remained skeptical.

Wait just a goddamn second! This is not my
Goose Island IPA. Also, I may be a duck...

Then I just kind of forgot about it because, well, how important is that, really? It's a decent enough beer. That is until I saw the Goose Island Brewing Company tent at the Burlington Beer Festival. On the Sunday when I attended with Beer Bro Glenn, I told him of my suspicions. He shrugged and said, let's just ask them. So we did. Nope, the boys at the booth insisted it was the Chicago goods. In fact, one of them was a fellow Beer Store employee out of Toronto, who is also a Cicerone. He recognized me because he taught me and a group of coworkers how to pair beer with cheese. With their assurances, Glenn was satisfied and moved along. Me, still that nagging doubt. Finally, I found a Toronto Star article that quoted Goose Island's Suzanne Wolcott. She acknowledged that the beer was brewed up here by Labatt and yes, it was a different recipe. Why? The brewing tanks at Labatt are much larger than Goose Island's and it turns out, you can't just take the same ingredients and then multiply by, say, five. "Tank geometry is huge," said Wolcott. "If we just tried to multiple everything by the size of the tank, it would have been a different beer. It just wouldn't work." So the Labatt brewers tinkered with it until they got a product they were happy with. Wolcott's take on the Canadian version? "They've done a really good job." I agree with her. And now I have a definitive answer as to why it tasted different than the one I had repeatedly in Vegas. In the end, that's really all I wanted to know.

On the other side of this glass is the Burlington
Beer Festival logo. On this side of the glass is a
logo that I see on a daily basis. So I know it well

Why Was The Beer Store On Those Burlington Beer Festival Glasses? When the Beer Store logo appeared on the glasses used at the Burlington Beer Festival this past Summer, its inclusion brought about different reactions, depending on who I was with. When it was coworker Jay-Dawg on Saturday, he spotted it and said happily, "Hey look! We're on the glass!" When I was there on Sunday with Glenn, he noticed and snarled, "How the f*** did you guys end up on the glasses?" Well, the answer came from none other than Wayne Brown, the genial co-organizer of the event. He explained one night at Rib Eye Jack's to both myself and server Tracy that the Beer Store had sponsored a "Win Beer For A Year" contest in which any online ticket purchaser would be automatically entered. And what was "beer for a year"? Well, that was twelve $50 Beer Store gift cards or $600 worth of beer. Or as Tracy quipped to Wayne, "So really, beer for a month." She beat me by less than a second.

The Final Word On Beer For 2015: I will leave the final word on beer to my friend, Liam Mckenna, the brewmaster at St John's, Newfoundland's Yellowbelly Brewing. His words are simply this. "All beer is good beer." Doesn't matter if it's made by Molson's or Muskoka Brewing. I have my preferences; you have yours. But as long as we can all sit around the same table and enjoy our respective beers, that's kinda what it's all about. So sit tight because the Best Beers of 2015 are coming up in few days and there's bound to be many that everyone can enjoy. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...

A very Rib Eye Jack's Christmas

I am including this photo of me and my buddy, Steve, for
two reasons. Reason #1: Because I have way too many
friends named Steve. Seriously, like dozens of 'em. And
Reason #2: Rib Eye Jack's Ale House's general manager
"Another Steve" once pointed out that if you are going to
drink a lager, make sure it has some colour to it. I'm not
sure what fine Molson product Steve is drinking in this
picture but compare its colour to the Samuel Adams'
Boston Lager I am drinking at our high school reunion.
Deeper, darker, more deliciouser. That's a word. Now.

Three weeks ago, I stopped into Rib Eye Jack's Ale House on my way home from work simply because the bar is stacked to the rafters with outstanding craft beers and has the dubious geographical misfortune of being, well, on my way home from work.

Once there, I saw my buddy, Steve, the bar's general manager, looking somewhat haggard. Now because males are not hugely empathetic creatures by nature, particularly with other men (though we will convincingly fake it for women), I simply looked at him and said, "You sick?" while I was actually thinking, "So, what should I start with?"

No, as it turns out, he was simply tired because he and a few of the ladies had spend hours prior to that getting the bar's Christmas decorations up. "Oh yeah?" I said, still pondering my opening beer selection, "Where?"

Shooting me that "If we were in a back alley, I would beat you to death" look, he simply pointed up. Because I'm excellent at following simple directions without the use of GPS, I looked up. Well, sonuvagun, if there wasn't little green bells and colourful tinsel and other Christmas-y stuff up there. Very festive. Unfortunately, it was also about two feet north of the bar taps so well out of my sight-line. Of course, I would like to say the story ends there. But it doesn't simply because it became my Christmas Story for 2015.

My little "butt plug" Christmas tree. I promised wee
Cara that I would make this my actual Christmas
tree. I did. There's no rules at Donny's Bar and Grill

Within minutes, young Cara, a wide-eyed, pretty pixie of a girl, came out and said all-too-happily, "Did you see the butt plugs?" I had no idea what she was talking about so off she hopped into the kitchen before returning with the deep blue, cone-shaped, tree-like Christmas ornament you see in this picture. "Here you go," she said, enthusiastically presenting me with one. Well, as it turns out, when they were putting up the festive decorations, one of the ladies jokingly referred to this ornament as a butt plug. Seeing that made Steve wince, well, of course, they all piled on, debasing that poor little ornament. "I thought they'd get tired of saying it before I got tired of hearing it," sighed Steve. "I was wrong." I once worked in a municipal politics office with just me and 15 women between the ages of 30 and 55 so I feel ya, bro. The things I heard from that group of raunchy ladies? Well, I can't even go there. A therapist would, no doubt, tell me to let it go, that it's only words. Dark, disturbing, twisted words. Eventually, Steve had heard enough and the ornament was relegated to the storage room, never to be seen again. So I happily took mine and told Cara that I would make it this year's Christmas tree.

Just when I thought I couldn't be more screwed,
Santa Claus ups the ante. Rat bastard, I hate you!

That seemed to delight her. Except in one of those all-too-frequent male moments, I decided to carry everything in from the car at once (rather than make two trips) when I got home and butt plug Christmas tree, tucked under my arm, slipped and went one-on-one with the pavement. It lost that battle, shattering into a million pieces. That lead to perhaps the strangest message I've ever sent when I texted Steve instantly and said, "My butt plug Christmas tree hit the ground and broke. Don't tell Cara! I promised her I would use it as my Christmas tree. Can I get another?" If the NSA is monitoring my texts, they must think I'm one sick son of a bitch. (But for their sake, I do try to keep things entertaining.) So, as if by magic, another showed up in front of me the next night at the bar. Cara saw it eventually and said, "Are you carrying that around with you?" I replied, "Oh yeah, it's my touchstone." I have no idea what a touchstone is but it sounds like an Oprah word and it seemed to work so...

This is the beer that launched me right
onto Instagram - Life Sentence IIIPA, a
hop bomb created by Great Lakes and
Amsterdam Breweries. Hot damn, this
was 12 kinds of delicious. And deadly.

Please understand of all the bar staff I've known over the years, this particular group at Rib Eye Jack's are probably the most consummate professionals I've encountered but a chance to mess with the boss? Best. Christmas. Present. Ever! (When I stopped in on Christmas Eve after a brutal Beer Store shift, poor Cara was running around like crazy. Looking over at Steve, quickly preparing beverages for her, she turned to me and said, "He's the best." So lots of respect there.) And when I told my son that was our 2015 Christmas tree, he looked at it and said, "Oh, okay... cool" so win-win.

Since this is supposed to be about beer, not festive fun (although they do go hand-in-hand... or perhaps hand to mouth), here's a beer story that has an Instagram twist. My co-worker, Jay-Dawg, has been pushing me to go on Instagram for a while. "I think most of my beer purchases are based on the cool pictures the craft breweries post," he noted, cinching the deal. So I created my Instagram account. At one point, it asked me if I wanted to follow my Facebook friends with Instagram accounts, I clicked yes because that seems easiest. "The path of least resistance" has always been my credo. At that exact second, phones around the world were beeping. Jay said he was with a group of friends and all their phones beeped at the same time. Looking at it, he chuckled to the others, "Well, Donny's finally on Instagram."

But being a noob, I was uncertain how to use it. I finally gave it a test-run the same night Rib Eye Jack's got their keg of the Great Lakes/Amsterdam Brewing's collaborative Life Sentence Triple IPA.

A Mill Street Brewing employee puts the final touches
on their super-sweet Keg Christmas Tree at the popular
brewpub. It's beginning to taste a lot like Christmas...

I took a picture of the beer, shown above, and somehow managed to post it to the site. I noticed a ton of photo filtering options, none of which should ever be used by a colourblind man, and just put a caption underneath with my location (it popped up too). Granted I called it Life Essence IIIPA so my first ever Instagram post was a *facepalm* factual error. "Why am I not surprised?" chuckled Steve. Not knowing how to edit my caption, I simply put a correction underneath. But, just as instantly as I got dozens of "likes" (or whatever the Instagram equivalent is), I got a text from Jay, asking if I was staying put. Turns out he had returned from a family dinner and wanted to continue his night but no takers. So he turned on Instagram and my picture was the first thing that popped up. Instagram has finally accomplished what my ex-wives and girlfriends tried to do for years - it has GPSed my destination-uncertain roving ass. Living mere minutes away, Jay joined me at the bar before I had finished my first pint.

So how was that Life Sentence IIIPA? It was a 10%, 100-plus IBU (international bitterness units) car bomb, though not in that Northern Ireland way... in the good way.

Finally!! I actually managed to find beer technician Kylie
and GM Steve an IPA they've never had for Christmas!
That's a lot like finding a unicorn. It just doesn't happen!

I'll let Beer Bro Glenn take it from here with his descriptive prose on RateBeer. "Smells of mango, grapefruit, orange and tropical fruit goodness. Tastes of powerful citrusy hops and goes down very smooth with only a hint of booze. Excellent stuff!" To which I'll add with my usual erudition, "Yeah, what he said!" Hands-down, one of the best beers I've had all year and I have had many. In fact, while one sip was enough to convince Jay that maybe he should stick with Great Lakes Swamp Juice 19 (a concoction joining their Thrust and Lake Effects IPAs with their Canuck Pale Ale), I would have happily drank that Life Sentence keg dry, having declared it a Taxi Night early on. However, I was wisely halted by lovely beer technician Kylie who Smart-Served me after a couple and steered me to milder fares. Keep in mind, each pint was nearly the equivalent of four regular beers. Had I kept going, I would have been a babbling puddle at the end of the bar. As Beer Store employees ourselves, Jay and I certainly get that.

That fat bastard finally gets it right. And you know
what, Santa? I was on the Naughty List by January
2nd at the latest so I was gonna do this anyways...

By the end, that beer was whispering in my ear, "You know what would be fun? You should drunk-text that old flame you still carry a torch for and tell her what a great kisser the girlfriend after her was! Do it! She'll think it's funny!" So like I said, dangerously delicious. But while that keg is now Magellan (history), Steve managed to pop a couple more cans of it into my Christmas stocking, as well as a big-ass bottle of Great Lakes Brewing's The Imperial Bout Vanilla Bean Coffee Porter. Plus I have some goodies from returning student and total sweetie Sassy Cassy straight from Thunder Bay's Sleeping Giant Brewing - their Beaver Duck American Pale Ale as well as their delicious Vanilla Coffee Porter (had it and reviewed it last Christmas, courtesy of Cassy). So lots of Christmas cheer coming! But I have to clean this place before my boy lands here today. And as I was emptying out the dirt container on my vacuum cleaner, it dawned on me. I had become the vacuum cleaner! (Deep Thoughts by Donny.) So Merry Christmas, guys and dolls, because that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...

A history lesson gone awry...

Our favourite crazy Dutch bastard, Ronny, hoists
a pint during our mini White Oaks class reunion
held at the Sixth Line Pub on December 19th...

There is nothing like a little high school reunion to bring back long-forgotten memories...

That was precisely the case when my class at White Oaks Secondary School decided to celebrate the return of Project 360, a band that has our old buddy, Bob ("the magnificent beast"), as its bass player, when they took the stage at Sixth Line Pub and Sports Grill on December 19th.

Now to be brutally frank, our crowd doesn't need booze to have a good time. We just drink copious amounts in order to support a local business. We're kinda noble that way. (Hello, Vatican... about that sainthood? We're waiting...) And through the evening, beer-soaked revelations of the past seem to magically get unearthed.

Take, for instance, the sordid tale of the Piedmont, Sardinia Presentation, done by myself and Ronny back in Mr. MacLeod's Grade 11 History class. You see, my old buddy, Ronny, is now very successfully practising Family Law in a nice downtown Oakville firm. And frankly, it's nice to count a lawyer among your friends because of... well, jail reasons. Now the teacher just randomly paired people up. At that point, Ronny and I didn't know each other very well but I'll tell you this - by the end of our presentation, we certainly did.

♫ Every rose has its thorn... ♫ My friend Kim
and I may have had a few wobbly-pops at our
high school reunion. The use of the word
"may" also might bit a little disingenuous...

Because the teams were being called up alphabetically, Ronny and I hadn't even cracked open a book. His last name is Vandersteen, mine is Redmond so there's a whole lotta alphabet in front of us. Except the other teams were a little smarter than us - all of them had made sure at least one team member didn't attend class on Day 1 of the presentations. So as the teacher worked his way through the alphabet, Ronny and I looked at each other... and started to panic. I think there were five or six pages on Sardinia and we started furiously flipping through them. Because yeah, the teacher got to our names on Day Friggin' 1, simply because we were the only team in attendance. So here's what you need to know about Piedmont, Sardinia before I continue. Sardinia was a European country from 1324 to 1861 and Piedmont was its capitol. Eventually, they grew weary of people asking, "So, Sardinia... like sardines, right?" (Or something like that.) So they changed the country's name to Italy because when Italians talk, they tend to use their hands as italics. (Again, or something like that.) So  Ronny and I trudged up to the front of the class and reluctantly took our seats in the two desks facing the class.

Look at Magnificent Beast Bob on bass
belts out a love song by ZZ Top! What?
I love Cheap Sunglasses. Everyone does!

And then, well, something crazy happened. I kicked off the presentation, reciting about two minutes of Sardinian history while Ronny continued to flip through the pages under the desk. At a certain point, I ran out of facts that I had memorized just minutes earlier and simply said, "And now I'll pass this to Ronny." Well, sonuvagun if he didn't start spouting new facts, carrying the ball to midfield while I flipped through the pages under the desk. Then he passed it back to me. This back-and-forth went on for a solid 15 minutes until classmates had heard quite enough about Sardinia as we crossed the goal-line to shut 'er down. Against all logic, this Stall-and-Bluff approach actually worked. We got a 90% for our presentation, simply because we were the only pair who did one that day. Ronny claims that not only did we bond as friends that day, he still uses the Stall-and-Bluff in court to his advantage. "You taught me that tactic," he laughed, "and it has worked very well for me in my career." Well, in actual fact, I think he and I both learned that skill simultaneously on the spot that day. And we seriously put our classmates behind the 8-ball when Mr. MacLeod called up other teams with the stern addendum of "I don't want to see another Ron and Don Show up front." Yeah, right, good luck duplicating that miracle. You can only turn chicken shit into chicken salad once. Also I refuse to take any credit for helping to create a lawyer. Even a cool one like Ronny.

Just some city boys... born and raised in Falgarwood... My
old neighbourhood buddies Bill and Dave were not averse
to hoisting many, many pints on this crazy reunion evening

In other high school news, Project 360 bass player Bob now goes by a new name and I'm a little bit (100%) responsible. His birthday was earlier this month so I went on his Facebook page, posted a picture of him playing at a gig and wrote, "Look at this magnificent bastard! It's his damn birthday! That's some crazy shit right there!" It got a truck-load of "likes" but Bob's own sister decided it was time to rechristen him "The Magnificent Beast." He seems to revel in it. Bass players are wired very differently than you and me.

I got a chance to talk to Kim who recently created a blog on her struggles with depression. Three blogs in, her articles are poignant, wry, beautifully-written (I'm a little jealous) and straight from the heart. (Jealous again - wish I had one of those.) I honestly believe she's gonna help a lot of people with her words. She's a classy dame.

Is this America's best craft lager? No but it is their
best-known craft lager and lemme tell you, it's a big
step up from the other choices at the Sixth Line Pub

Our new "It Couple", Bill and Ingrid were there after having reconnected at our Spring Reunion back in May. While I, of course, suspect roofies were involved, Ingrid says no. She claims she genuinely likes this no-good-nik Bill. Which is, frankly, what someone on roofies would say. But by and large, it was just an all-round blast. Great music, great fun, great to see everyone again.

But was there great beer? Well, lemme tell ya, the Sixth Line Pub is a Molson bar on tap but smack-dab in the middle, with the highest tap handle, is Samuel Adams Boston Lager. Also on tap is Molson's new Belgian Moon, which is a take-off of America's biggest selling wheat, Blue Moon, which I have long suspected to be Rickard's White as they are all brewed in Montreal. But I forgot to try the new (old?) wheat because Bill accidentally roofied me. And I am being charitable with that "accidental" part.

So I had me a Sammy Adam's kind of night. In fact, by the end of the night, I got my full Massachusetts on and was referring to people as chowdah-heads. As comedian Louis CK noted, it's not so much an accent as it is an entire city saying words wrong.

Should you feel the urge to try this beer, just
call me and I will come over and kick you in
the nuts until that urge passes. Truly horrible

That said, I actually like that Bahstun accent. I think it's cool and even I know you can't start "your cahhh without your khakis." And I genuinely like Sam Adams Boston Lager. Consider this - it's a lager that got 57 on RateBeer. If you know anything about the beer rating site, that's like an IPA getting a 99. Lagers are lucky to get a 15, much less a 57. The German Noble hops - Hallertau Mittelfruh and Tettnang Tettnanger - actually give this beer some decent flavour for two hops I've studied about as long as I studied Sardinia. While I ripped their Cherry Wheat to shreds, I genuinely do love their Rebel IPA and Boston Lager so the boys at Boston Beer Company are batting a sweet .667 with me. Much like their Red Sox will be now that they have our Toronto Blue Jays pitcher David Price. Bastahds.

Well, the downside to this little horse and pony show called Brew Ha Ha! is that I feel compelled to try every beer. And that was the case when Warsteiner Double Hopped Pilsner landed in my Beer Store. I would love to tell you how it tasted but I would be basing my opinion on the fact I had one sip before I poured it down my kitchen sink drain.

This is a damn good session IPA. Grapefruit on
the nose and tongue, I have had more than a few
of these and this is wayyyy up there. Nice job!!

Calling it tinny would be unfair to the metal industry. Calling it rancid would be unfair to the people who make Axe body "cologne". Calling it a dandy drain cleaner, well, let's let the Drano people deal with that slight. If you don't do something in 2015, put this at the top of the list - something between putting your junk in a meat grinder and ironing dress shirts. (Body heat, people... fixes everything!)

Let's wrap up with a good one - Collective Arts' State of Mind Session IPA. I bought 12 of these because they were on sale at my Beer Store. (A six pack cost $13.95, a 12 pack, just $10 more. Sold to the man who doesn't iron! And shout-out to the women who avoid him because of that! I admire your common sense! Please point me to the ones who don't have that!) Tons of grapefruit on the nose and tongue, in a year of both bad and good session IPAs, this 4.4% poppy brew is on Santa's nice list. Or maybe naughty. Not sure how that Santa list works. Because... Donny behaviour. But coworker Jay-Dawg and I agree. It's damned good.

Okay, final thoughts. Samuel Adams, you made me believe I could dance last night. I can't. That, sir, was just mean. And American Republican candidate Donald Trump says he wants to ban all Muslims from entering the USA. Aside from stealing his platform from 1939 German foreign policy, he is clearly ignoring America's own history because Prohibition has taught us that won't work. People will just start brewing their own Muslims in their bathtubs. Never ignore history, be it Sardinian or American. But guys and dolls, that's it, that all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...

A good news/bad news week

Muskoka Brewery founder Gary McMullen was
recently forced to make the tough decision over
whether or not to yank his company's top-notch
products from the western Canada marketplace

"Do you want the good news or the bad news first?"

Never mind Hamlet's "To be or not to be?" ponderings that none of us really understood back in high school because, well, getting a date for the prom and how to completely avoid your parents (for days, if possible) were much bigger issues. Those were simpler times. Well, except when the English teacher singled me (Really? Me? Please don't do that) specifically as to what the "to be or not to be?" line meant. Honestly guessing, as I had previously given it zero thought, I sputtered, "Whether or not he should kill himself?" Turns out I was right. Which was my brief shining moment... until the teacher (likely sensing it was a lucky guess) followed up with, "And why would he want to kill himself?" I had no idea. Couldn't even fake a guess. Okay, full disclosure time. I had not read Hamlet. Instead, I bought the Cole's Notes on the book. Which I also hadn't read, probably because some girl said "hello" to me in the hallway and I had spent all morning thinking, "What did she mean?" If it's at all helpful to anyone reading this who's still in high school, decades later, I am still just as clueless about both Hamlet and women. All I can tell you is that from this guy's perspective, women are meant to be loved, not understood. (Whoa... who said that? Way too deep for me.) And Hamlet, in retrospect, is not that important.

Server Lauren fills a growler with Mad Tom IPA at the
tap room in the Bracebridge brewery. Westerners are
gonna become deprived of some of Ontario's best beer

Unless melancholy Danes appeal to you for some reason. I'm not here to judge. (You freak.)

So back to good news/bad news, which is the modern-day "to be or not to be" conundrum. According to psychologists, 75% of us would prefer to hear the bad news first. Why? So the news ends on a high note. Unless we're giving the good news/bad news, in which case, two-thirds of us would prefer to deliver the good news first. Again, why? It all has to do with recipients confusing the message with the messenger. So tell them the good news, wait for a smile, then tell them the bad news... and run like hell. Sort of like "Hey, your name is going to be famous in medical journals world-wide" followed by "...because we're naming this terminal disease after you."

Okay, for the fellow in the back row, yelling, "Get to the friggin' point, dumbass!", here we go. Bad news first. Muskoka Brewing, an Ontario craft beer giant since it was established in Bracebridge by Gary McMullen and Kirk Evans back in June 1996, is about to yank its products off western Canadian shelves.

Muskoka Brewery Mad Tom IPA: Still available on
the patio of Donny's Bar and Grill. Soon, this beer is
not to be available in Saskatchewan. Alberta or BC.

Why would they do that? Well, way back in 2010, Saskatchewan, Alberta and British Columbia banded together to create something called the New West Partnership. The idea behind it was somewhat good - reducing trade barriers, thus increasing business between the three provinces. All was peachy-keen for out-of-province craft brewers until the Alberta government released this year's budget and in it was a punitive tax hike for non-New West brewers, such as Muskoka. How much? Try 24 cents a bottle more for the Ontario guy - or a buck and a half more for an Ontario six-pack over an Alberta craft beer. What was meant to be a pro-active partnership for the west quickly became an exclusionary one for our eastern brewers. Indeed, Manitoba was offered a seat in the partnership and said, "Uhhh, look, we are smack-dab in the middle of the country and have to deal with both sides so thank you but pass."

With that news, McMullen had to make an incredibly tough call and decided that his brewery would no longer distribute out west as of the end of 2015. In a company release, he said. “Up until this new legislation was announced, we had no intention of leaving. In fact, we had plans to widen our footprint based on the growing demand for our beers.

Has western Canada seen the end of Steam
Whistle, one of the country's premier Czech
style pilsners? We will find out soon enough

We’re sorry to leave our friends and supporters, but with this new tax increase it's now unsustainable to sell our beer in these provinces.”

While Toronto brewer Steam Whistle and Scottish brewer Innis & Gunn also condemned the tax, there's no word yet on whether they'll follow suit and yank their western stake. But while that Alberta tax was seriously bad news for Ontario brewers, I think it's far worse news for western craft beer drinkers. To me, this was the ultimate "east is east and west is west and never the twain shall meet" bad news story. Rudyard Kipling, best known as the Jungle Book guy, penned those words back in 1889, and had likely no idea how prophetic they would be.

So is this goodbye forever? Perhaps more like "au revoir", the French phrase that loosely translates as "until we meet again." McMullen finished the press release on a cautiously-optimistic note, saying, "We'd like to sincerely thank our (western) customers for their support and passion for us and we'll be back when these trade barriers are squashed." So we go from Kipling to a much more Schwarzenegger-like, "Ah'll be bach." So in this case, it's kind of a bad news/maybe good news thing. When one door closes, well, you can always open it the hell back up. Because, duh, that's how doors work.

Well, December 15, 2015 was a day longed for
by many as Ontario finally opened its doors to
beer being sold on the grocery stores' shelves.

Which brings us to the good news as yesterday marked the first day of beer sales in Ontario grocery stores - a day that has long been awaited by the province's beer drinkers. And by long, I mean literally decades. Of course, if you know me, you also know I'm a full-time Beer Store employee so how is this good news for me? Well, lemme tell ya... You see, there's present-day Don, who we'll just call Old Don. But buried deep inside Old Don is 20-year-old Don - or Young Don - who has wanted this for, again, decades. When my buddies and I were much younger, we used to marvel at the wide-open beer sales in both neighbouring Quebec and New York state when we went there to party. And if people think that restricting beer sales to just the Beer Store and LCBO was bad these days. allow me to point out that when we turned legal, the beer and liquor stores closed at 6 pm! Every night of the week, except Sunday when it wasn't open at all. No wonder we smoked so much dope back then. Uhhh, by we, I, of course, mean other people. The evil potheads. (Old Don: "Good save?" Young Don: "You're an idiot.")

While only a smattering of stores (a couple of dozen tops, I'm thinking) across the province had beer yesterday, it was a huge step forward, although it's off to a smaller, slower start than many beer drinkers would have liked.

Being Premier has its perks as Kathleen Wynne made
sure that she was the first person in provincial history
to buy beer at a grocery store. And what was her first
purchase? That would be Collective Arts Rhyme and
Reason Extra Pale Ale. I suspect a cheer loudly rang
around the Hamilton brewery when they saw this pic.

Old Don is thinking, "Phew, at least I have a little breathing room" while Young Don is yelling, "Step on the f***ing gas, Aunt Bea!!!"

So how did I mark this historical day? Well, co-worker Marie found a local media list of the three Oakville grocery stores selling beer and after my shift, I drove to one - the Longo's at 3455 Wyecroft Road, which is essentially on the Oakville-Burlington border. Oh, by the way, NO Burlington grocery stores are on the initial government-sanctioned list. (Young Don: "When I start paying taxes, my MPP is gonna hear about this outrage!" Old Don: "I have no idea who my MPP is." Young Don: "Oh my gawd, I just get more stupid with age, don't I?") So with Young Don firmly manning the wheel, into the Longo's I brazenly went, Beer Store uniform and all. "Where's this beer at?" I asked a clerk. Well, as it turns out, that Longo's and the other Oakville stores won't see any beer on the shelves until February. "Our phone's been ringing all day long," sighed the clearly-harried dude.

So a while longer, it seems. But of course, I have poured over the available imagery of the big day as a whole bunch of Ontario craft brewers have posted pictures on Twitter and Instagram and I noticed a couple of things. While supermarkets were supposed to open at least 20% of their shelves to craft beers, most seem to have gone 50/50 on craft and mainstream beers.

The Province wisely chose to insist there be
designated check-out lines at grocery stores
with cashiers who are Smart-Serve Certified.

(Old Don: "Okay, that's good news! Huge news, even!" Young Don: "What the hell is craft beer?") But while there are no Burlington stores with beer yet, Beer Bro Glenn found one in Oshawa, the Loblaws Superstore in the city's north end. While he confirmed that yes, it was 50/50 craft-to-mainsteam ratio, he added there wasn't much beer - period. "Just two end caps." Those in retail know an end cap to be the separate shelving at the end of an aisle that you pass before turning to go down the next aisle. (Old Don: "That's it? I guess I'm safe for now." Young Don: "Is there Labatt's Blue? I only drink Blue.") For the record, Glenn's first grocery store purchase was a Nickel Brook's Headstock IPA. (Old Don: "Good choice! My favourite!" Young Don: "Headstock? What, like Woodstock? Please tell me I don't turn into an old hippie." Old Don: "Ummm...")

But while everyone in the province over the age of 15 knows what Coors Light and Budweiser are, this grocery store set-up shines a pretty big spotlight on our craft brewers, which could in turn see a marked growth from its present 4% market-share. That is, if the 50/50 representation stays true - or is even the case now, as I'm just going by pictures that I've seen. The end caps thing certainly seems to be the case so far but it just started yesterday so it's far too soon to see how it all plays out.

Amsterdam and Great Lakes Brewing are
releasing the collaborative Life Sentence
Triple IPA this Friday and if you live in
Burlington, Rib Eye Jack's scored a 20-litre
keg of this golden 10%, 100+ IBU goodness

So whether you want to see yesterday's news as a gigantic step or a baby step, hey, it's completely up to you. The important thing is that it's an actual step forward in the right direction. As opposed to the time I told a cop, "How do you know it wasn't you going the wrong way?" That approach worked even more poorly than my previous science-backed one: "If you factor in the speed that the Earth is rotating on its axis, technically, officer, we're all speeding."

Okay, before I "Seacrest out" of here (Young Don: "Who?"), a couple of quick notes and this correction. In my last piece, I sang the praises of the Rainhard Brewing (Toronto) mini-cask of Kapow! IPA at Rib Eye Jack's Ale House a few Thursdays ago, That part stands. It sold out in two hours. New record, nuff said. However, I also suggested that the mini-cask holds about 50 litres, "maybe more." Uhhh, no, not even close. Try 20 litres (676 US ounces). Chuckled general manager Steve, "I was gonna text you but..." Since he kinda tailed off, let's let Young Don finish that sentence - "... but you work at a Beer Store and have dealt with 58-litre and 20-litre kegs for years, you gigantic moron. How could you be that far off?" So, Rainhard Brewing, if you could send a 58L keg of Kapow! IPA to Rib Eye Steve, that might mitigate, if not outright negate, my mistake. Just throwin' it out there, boys...

But here's the really big news. This Friday (December 18), Amsterdam Brewing and Great Lakes Brewing (both Toronto) are unleashing a hop monster among us.

Something else big is happening on December 18
but I can't for the life of me remember what it is.
Ah well, never mind. I'm sure it will come to me

Their collaborative Life Sentence Triple IPA came about after Amsterdam brewmaster Iain McOustra took a trip to Washington state and came across a batch of Chinook hops in Yakima that, well, sent his brain spinning like the Tasmanian Devil. In a press release, McOustra said, "I was blown away by the late harvest Chinook hops (more) than any other hops on the trip." Instantly, he got on the Bat-Phone (which is only accessible to brewmasters and You-Know-Who) and called his pal, Mike Lackey, the head brewer at Great Lakes. Noted Lackey in the release, "Iain is normally such a calm, cool, collected and impressive brewmaster so when he called from Yakima Valley with a tinge of excitement in his voice... it piqued my interest, to say the least." So 100 kilograms (220 pounds) of the hop were added to the 3,000-litre (793 US gallons) batch and this Friday, it's being released at Great Lakes. But Rib Eye Steve has also managed to magically procure a 20-litre keg of it for the restaurant, also being served Friday night. Like that Kapow! IPA, this'll likely set a new in-bar Rib Eye Jack's speed record, surpassing that time I really really had to take a whiz and that old lady was blocking my path. It's 10%, 100-plus IBUs (international bitterness units) of tropical fruit and pine goodness. Be there... and stay out of my path.

But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain, as always...