So... 4/20 and why some IPAs are so unhoppy

Okay, that's easier to remember...

It happened every single year from childhood to adulthood. Because my birthday is February 14th, everybody remembers it. My brother, Gary, who lives in Valencia, Spain (and has lived in various points in Europe since 1986) sends me birthday greetings via email without fail. Every year. Like a good brother should.

But his birthday, April 20th, went by every year without well-wishes from my end. Why? I didn't remember what day his birthday was. Eventually, about 15 years ago, he grew tired of telling me it already had been his birthday the day after his actual birthday and said, "Look, April 20th is also Hitler's birthday. You should remember that, right?" And, of course, I didn't because... who the hell would remember Hitler's birthday, for gawd's sake??? Well, besides maybe Eva Braun... and perhaps Heinrich Himmler? The point is, not many...

Sometimes hops smell a lot like marijuana because they're in
the same botanical family. I only know this because I pay
attention in class. Meaning craft brewery tours in my case...

Finally, a couple of years ago, Gary, totally exasperated at this point, said, "Look, in North America, do they have 4/20 Day?", referring, of course, to the day everyone is supposed to smoke marijuana for the betterment of society or well, just because... Well, duh, of course I have heard of 4/20. It was invented by California students way back in 1971 and has been celebrated every April 20th (and other days, I hear) since that time. Suffice it to say, I have not forgotten Gary's birthday since.

So why bring up marijuana in a beer blog? Two reasons. #1) Don't lie. It's a helluva hook. And #2) There's at least one strain of hops that smells, well, pretty much exactly like marijuana. I, of course, only know this from that wafting pungent odour at the many rock concerts I have attended over the years. True story... *coughs smoke* If, for medical reasons, I were forced to use marijuana, the prescription would have to come from a proctologist for the simple reason that my ass ain't stoned yet. Aside from that, I'm too busy chasing beers, not buds (and definitely not Buds...)

Okay, now it's starting to make sense to me. Took me a while
to try a Wells IPA but after that, the pieces fell into place...

The fact that I know there's a hop that smells like that comes courtesy of my Amsterdam Brewery tour back at the beginning of the year with Beer Musketeer Cat where we were handed dried, compressed hops to smell. When your first thought is: "Anyone here have rolling papers?", well, maybe - just maybe -that's a familiar smell. But I'll be honest, the pungency of that particular hop got me to wondering why some IPAs are not hoppy in the least, tasting more like lagers to me than IPAs. Sleeman's IPA, Mill Street's Curious Parrot IPA, Brick's Waterloo IPA, Big Rock IPA and any number of others, I drank and thought, okay, that's a pretty decent beer but not an IPA. I mean, even my very-beer-knowledgeable but Hop-Intolerant coworker Saga could drink these, except that his anti-IPA Shields are set to 11 and nothing with the initials IPA can penetrate them. But for me, it got to the point that I actually wrote about the confusing (to me) non-hop-driven Alexander Keith's IPA last November in a blog called: When Is An IPA Not Really An IPA?

Well, Morpheus, I'd start by saying you're wrong. And
while you're cool, you'll never be Samuel L Jackson Cool...

So after Amsterdam Brewery, I started researching. At the same time, I bought a Wells IPA from Britain, thinking, "Well, they invented the IPA so this'll be hoppy as hell." Nope, another mild, malt-driven one. Or as I call them, SFS IPAs - safe for Saga. Well, it didn't take long to find out the answer - less than a day, to be honest. Turns out there are two kinds of IPA. The British IPAs which are mild and malt-driven light ales... and the North American IPA, which are intense, hop-driven, blow-the-top-off-your-head bitter... well, to varying degrees. You know, the kind I like...

Okay, so now we're talkin' my kind of IPA...

To that end, that renders my "When is an IPA not an IPA?" blog, which was famous among tens of people, I'm sure, to somewhat more infamous status. Because I was wrong. Keiths has every right to call itself an IPA... in the British style. (If it's top-fermented. I'll be honest - I still have my doubts.) But that's kind of the point of starting this blog for me last June - to learn more about beer since that is my livelihood. And much like every other aspect of my life, when I am wrong... man, do I swing for the fences. Granted, I don't really care. In fact, being wrong bothers me so little that Frasier Crane could plan his retirement around me. As I'm busy being wrong on occasion (okay, that word should be plural), I've also drank a truckload of new beers of all kinds... and if loving them is wrong, I don't wanna be right. (I feel a song in there somewhere.) So will I erase that erroneous blog from existence? Hells no. Bite me. I don't mind being wrong at all... And this is why...

Even the Ontario Brewing Awards waited until 2011 to break the IPA category into two separate ones: British IPA and North American IPA because, well, (again I'm assuming) the hoppy North American style ones were sweeping the awards and the malty British style ones had to sit at that awful table near the kitchen where every time the waiters came out, the back of their chairs got hit... and they spilled their malt-driven IPAs down the front of their pants. And the thuggish North American-style IPAs laughed at them for soiling themselves. Good thing the British style ones have that whole "stiff upper lip" thing happening.

... because that's what most North American IPAs taste like
to non-IPA drinkers. Because they're weiners and wussies.

So from this day forth, if I am referring to an IPA, please note I absolutely mean the hoppy North American style IPA. If it's a British style, I will actually say something like, "a milder, malt-driven British-style IPA." I'll be honest, though - don't expect to hear that too much.

So are all British IPAs mild and malt-driven? Okay, as the stunning Elizabeth Montgomery in her role as Samantha Stevens used to charmingly say in the beloved 1960s TV sitcom, Bewitched, "Welllll?" Meaning, no, not quite. Because in my drinking hand (the right hand, of course - the new King Slayer since Jamie Lannister lost his) as we speak is a Thornbridge Halcyon Imperial IPA, found at the LCBO, straight from Bakewell, England. (Bakewell? And now we're back to marijuana... does anyone have any Cool Ranch Doritos in this room???)

Are all British-based IPAs mild and malt-driven? Well, no...

Because this is a beer blog and I should include at least include one beer review, here we go. Citrus (big-time citrus) on the nose, the head hung in for quite a while (not so hard with me), mango, grapefruit, a wee bit of pineapple on the tongue... ladies and germs, we have us one North American-style British IPA. And for the record, I'm not crying. It's finally Spring in Canada... and my allergies are flaring up. It's not pride. I feel pride in my son's accomplishments, especially sports, not some British beer's accomplishments in the field of North American-style IPAs. What? It's a good beer!!! It got 98 on RateBeer which I cautiously trust for good IPAs and Imperial Stouts... and not really for other styles.

Okay, no shout-outs because I just cranked one of these out a couple of days backs... so no one to shout out to.

New Zealand Beer Writer and Blogger Neil with Bruce
the Bulldog. Neil's 3-point stance? Due to Hop Zombie

But I do have a Birthday Wish from Canada for one dude, New Zealand Beer Writer and Blogger Neil Miller. When I started this little blog last June, college chum Stevil St Evil told me, "Read this guy. Seriously. He knows his stuff." Turns out "knows his stuff" was a wee bit understated. That said, he cranks out very brilliant beer blogs with alarming frequency... and I enjoy every single one. Especially his footnotes which, well... you know how people say "LOL"? I actually do laugh out loud. And I have learned more from this dude than I care to admit. So... a lot. Happy birthday to you from Canada (yesterday to you) from a fan, a friend and a brother from another mother. Keep on keeping on.

Okay, no other shout-outs but here's a cool video of a dog protecting his master's beer that co-worker Marie showed me in something I'll call: It's Bud Light. Dogs can't read And another from my friend Joe where a guy uses a photo-copier to do what I would love to with Flying Monkeys Smashbomb Atomic IPA in another called: Why Has Science Not Perfected This?

Okay, gang, next time, the Sleeman's Saga and more. But 'til then, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here... Until next time, I remain...

The Beer Musketeers... and happy Euro-finds

A clever cheeky ad for average Euro-fare

Right now on Facebook, there's a long-running four-way conversation between the Four Beer Musketeers - myself, college chums Glenn and Stevil St Evil and relative newbie to the collective Cat, the lone female who should get some special deference if only due to gender... but hey, if you wanna aim that high, start with world peace, having a fire-breathing pet dragon (thank you, Game of Thrones for adding that to my Bucket List... you bastards) and an episode of The Bachelor where just one of the women finally realizes a buff dude in a big mansion making out with 24 different ladies may not be marriage-material. That said, Cat fits right in due to a love of fine craft beer, not to mention an occasional over-the-line turn-of-phrase on her end. Plus every collective needs a den mother. Poor Cat. She got us.

In this long-running dialogue, we discuss world events, the small triumphs of the day, little aches and pains, the cresting and ebbing of the Toronto Maple Leafs, our childrens' escapades... you know, the beauty and joy that is life. That portion of the conversation is a solid 2%. The remaining 98% is about beer. Good beer, bad beer, outstanding beer, somewhere-in-the-middle beer... all beer.

This innocuous French beer sets off huge
alarms within the Four Musketeers HQ...

To that end, if you wanna be a Musketeer, you have to be game for tomfoolery, dissing and general mockery. To wit, if the Musketeers know I am out with, say, my craft-loving co-worker Saga, I am quite safe. Saga and I will always find something unique in a Sea of Mainstream. But if I'm out with co-worker Gordo, who's a little more Joe Lunch-Pail in his beer choices, I'm gonna get drilled. One night in response to a Cat text asking what I was up to, I replied that I was out having post-work brews with Gordo. Instantly, her text came back: "OMG... WHAT are you drinking????" Well, that night as circumstances had it, we were at the Bronte Sports Kitchen on Tuesday Tall-Boy Night and while Gordo was happily quaffing away on his beloved Molson Canadian, I was trying out a Kronenbourg 1664, a French beer I had never had before. That instantly set off the Defcon-5 Intruder Alert alarms at Beer Musketeer headquarters. The next text, within seconds, came from Stevil - yes, a text from Wellington, New Zealand to Oakville, Ontario, Canada within seconds - with the plaintive message: "Kronenbourg? Good gawd, man. Why????"

I like the logic of this thinking. Also the
irony that it is on a Coors Light ad-board

This is why I'll never have to worry about being seated in a chair in the middle of the room, facing an intervention from the other Beer Musketeers. It would be more like an Anti-Intervention. "Don, we actually want you to drink more beer... but at the same time, be a little more specific and careful in your choices." My family might opt for a proper intervention but they're the reason I drink so I don't think that'll fly. (Note to any family member reading this: "No, not you. You're great... the other ones.") So how was that Kronenbourg 1664? Uhhh... it wasn't bad. Tasted like a slightly-better Euro-version of a mainstream North American lager. Liked it but I'm not gonna fly to France to give them any medals for it.

To that end, Saga and I have a theory on the big-name European imports, meaning Heineken, Stella Artois, Grolsch, Beck's - the big Euro-guns. When young Saga was in France a few years back, he had a Kronenbourg on tap. "It was delicious," he noted. "I thought when I got back to Canada, I had my new beer." So eventually, he returned, grabbed some Kronenbourg from the Beer Store. Upon his first sip at home, he looked at it and thought, "WTF is this?" We both believe that they alter their formulas for the beers being exported to North America to make them more palatable to the mainstream beer drinkers. To put this into beer terminology: they 'Budweiser' it. My high school buddy, Roy, currently residing in Nyon, Switzerland would probably agree as he once told me after a trip to the Guinness brewery in Dublin that the cans of Guinness we get here will never compare to the heavenly brown Exilir of the Gods he had right from the brewer's taps at St. James's Gates.

Czech lager Kozel - sayyy, now we're talking euro-tasty!!!

So the trick is to seek out less mainstream Euro-fare not as likely to alter anything, such as Czech lager, Kozel. Had one for the first time a couple weeks back and that's a tasty brew. The strongly-malted scent, slightly bitter taste is tweaked on the palate by what I'm gonna guess are Saaz hops. It says "lager" on the can but coming from Plsen region as it does, it's a pilsner. (RateBeer only gave this 40 but is notoriously hard on lagers and pilsners, obviously not popular choices on the website, so I tend to disregard pretty much all their scores for those two styles.)

Another nice Euro-find was Germany's Kostritzer Schwarzbier, a black lager whose aroma is nutty but bitter and chocolate on the tongue. I love a good dark/black lager and this certainly qualifies. A solid 82 on RateBeer so clearly we agree on dark lagers and schwarzbiers.

I will always have a couple of these in the
fridge at Donny's Bar and Grill these days.

Another beer that had languished in the fridge for a while at Donny's Bar and Grill was Britain's Young's Double Chocolate Stout, a Christmas gift given to me by Sandi From Upstairs. (From Upstairs is not her real last name.) She got me one of these and a Rogue Dead Guy Ale. I got her, uh, something for sure next Christmas. I don't even think the Dead Guy, one of my all-time favourites, made it down the staircase. Sandi didn't know I loved it - she just thought the label was cool. But this Young's Double Chocolate Stout - holy crap, that's a great stout. Brewed with both chocolate malt and actual dark chocolate, it smells of... wait, do I even have to say? I urged Musketeer Cat to try one and she, too, raved. This bad boy is the bomb. At $3.50 for a 500ml bottle, there's always a couple in my fridge door these days. If I feel like a stout, *bam*, there it is. So the trick with Euro-beers? Go past the big names and find the hidden gems.

The 2014 Ontario Brewing Awards were held at Toronto's Gladstone Hotel on April 3 and some of my favourite beers that I've talked about here took home medals, among them Cameron's Rye Pale Ale, Hop City's Barking Squirrel Amber Lager, F&M Stonehammer's Oatmeal Coffee Stout, Mill Street Belgian Wit and Muskoka's Winter Beard Double Chocolate Cranberry Stout.

Don't tell the Beer Musketeers but
I really enjoyed the Laker Red 5.5

One that caught me by surprise was Laker Light taking gold in the Light Beer category. Not because Brick Brewing is a larger brewery - after all, Molson's Rickards Blonde took silver in the Pilsner group and you don't get bigger than Molson. Also, that news that will make Saga very happy because he loves him some Rickard's Blonde... oh yeah. But no, it's actually because Laker Light is a discount beer and that caught me a little off-guard. That said, well done, Brick!! You see, this is why I'm a Beer Geek and not a Beer Snob. I really don't care who makes a good beer... so long as it is a good beer. As well, I'm not on a quest to try certain select beers - I'm on a quest to try ALL beers. Also it wasn't all that long ago, just last June, that I was the dude drinking discount beers. So it would be like those annoying people who quit smoking and then get all holier-than-thou on the still-smoking within the month. Now the fact is I've never had a Laker Light and likely never will. But the reason for that is simply that I have no interest in light beers - anyone's light beer, commercial or craft. (So, okay, not all beers. But most.) That said, I'll happily scout around on anyone's turf. When we got Laker Red 5.5 in single 473-ml cans, I thought I'd give it a go. It's a red ale and I love red ales - except this is classified as an amber lager but hey, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck... It's all apple on the nose, apple on the tongue and at 5.5%, more bang for your buck if you like the discount lines. Discount Beer Drinkers (who in all probability have never read this blog), THIS is your hidden gem. Is it on the same level as the Flying Monkeys/Central City Collaborative Red-on-Red Ale, which is unbelievable? Of course not. But it has its quirky and quite tasty charms. I genuinely like it and have had it many times since. (Among others, of course. Like I said, I cast my net far and wide...)

Courtesy of my friend, Gail, here's a
urinal at Pizza Boy Brewing Brew Pub
in Enola, Pennsylvania. Their credo?
"You only rent the beer and then it
goes back into the keg." Holy crap!
That's the Circle of Beer legend!

Okay, like many, I'm concerned with the "dumbing down" of society, particularly with the advent of social media such as Facebook and Twitter and the proliferation of blogs just like this. To that end, I will contribute to Word Power by incorporating more complex words into my vernacular. Today, at some point, I'll try to work in power words like "proliferation", "incorporating" and "vernacular" into this blog. Okay, so here we... oh... damn. Never mind. Probably a bad idea, anyway...

Shout outs!!! Thanks to my friend Gail for the uber-cool Pizza Boy Brewing keg urinal to the left there. Great find! Thanks to my former Beer Store bro Tommy Salami for sending me the winners of the 2014 Ontario Brewing Awards on my Facebook wall with the simple note: "It looks like I have a shopping list for the LCBO this evening." Like him, there's a handful of winners on that list I still have to try! So here they are! Winners Of The 2014 Ontario Brewing Awards Of course, Beer Musketeers Stevil and Cat for both their unabashed mockery of Kronenbourg 1664 and uncanny ability to steer all conservations back to beer. Very much the same with that oddball Saga guy. And Musketeer Glenn? Man, we can't shut this guy up! He's back from his Florida visit with his lad, Jake, but it sounds like Daytona Beach just may have kicked serious ass in this one we'll innocently call: Daytona Beach Kicked Serious Ass and then another that chronicles the last day of the trip that we'll call: All Good Things Must Come To An End

Next up: an in-depth look at the Sleeman Empire. What Canadian brewery sold boot-leg beer? Maybe even to Al Capone himself? Not sure. We'll know soon. Okay, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...

Spring done sprung for Toronto Beer Fest

My man from Nickel Brook saw a lot of action at the March 29 Toronto
Beer Festival Spring Session. Their line was well-represented, indeed...

The day started with me and co-worker Saga heading into Toronto on the GO Train to crash the Toronto Festival of Beer's Spring Session at the Evergreen Brick Works on March 29. The day ended with me and Saga getting busted by the GO Train "police." I'll be honest - I wasn't even aware such an august body of railway ticket enforcement even existed. Live and learn, eh? Bought tickets on the way. Forgot about tickets on the return ride because of... well, beer. We both got off with a written warning... so we are "in the system" Uh oh... back off, you're reading about a couple of bad-asses here. Plus it was worth it just to see Saga's Oscar-worthy performance as The Guy With Five Layers Of Clothing On And I Know My Ticket's In A Pocket Somewhere. Classic.

Just another day in our lives where top-notch craft beer is involved. Starts innocently enough, ends up with a wee bit of trouble and 18 tons of fun in between the beginning and end. I'd totally blame Saga but who's gonna buy that? At any beer event, I'm basically everyone's "Get Out Of Jail Free" card... Spouses of my buddies say the name "Redmond" with the same vehemence and disdain that Jerry Seinfeld used to say "Newman."

The outstanding Central City Brewing's Red
Racer IPA is coming to the LCBO soon in
473ml cans. Previously it was available in
355ml cans only for $2.55. The price for the
new tallboys? $2.50. Yes, it makes no sense
but it works to my advantage so all good...

The Evergreen Brick Works is an interesting place. It's covered in one huge warehouse spot but not covered in an adjoining structure of equal size where roofing beams are up... but oddly, not attached to anything resembling, well, a roof. The beams are just kinda... there. Being beams. And covered or not, it's all open air so no concerns about the beer getting warm, especially on a day that started chilly and got really cold really fast. It was created in 1889 as a brick factory and was for years. Now it's some sort of conservation or educational property and I'll be damned if that's not true. Learned about a ton of new beers. What can I say? Education comes in many forms.

Normally, at this point, I would name all the brewers there but this was huge... bigger than both the Summer and Winter Craft Beer Festivals at Steam Whistle's Roundhouse. Easily two dozen different brewers, both big and small. As big as Alexander Keiths and Brick Brewing and as small as Highlander Brewing Company out of South River, a tiny cottage community 50 kilometres south of North Bay and a town that I know all too well.

Naturally - poor Saga - our first stop was the Flying Monkeys booth because I suspected they'd have their new Imperial IPA, Shoulders of Giants, on hand and as always, the highly-revered (in this corner) Barrie brewery didn't disappoint me as it was among their 10 beers on hand (top tap numbers at the Spring Fest, followed closely by my home-boys and neighbourhood brewery, Nickel Brook with nine.)

Flying Monkeys Craft Brewery was, as always, one of the
belles of the ball, attracting large crowds that day...

At 10% and 100 IBU (international bitterness units), this IIPA packs the expected whallop with tropical fruit and grapefruit on the nose, fruity, a little caramel and punchy as hell on the tongue. This is, in my opinion, the best IIPA around right now - just dynamite. The server told me that it'd be out in 750ml bottles before the end of April so if you're looking for an IIPA that will Chuck Norris roundhouse kick your tastebuds, keep an eye open. I went back for it three more times.

While IPA-intolerant Saga tried their Italian Job Pale Ale (he gave it the thumbs up although he leans more towards porters and stouts), I switched it up for Round 2 with the Monkeys' Sonic Elegance Belgium Double IPA. At 9.4% and 83 IBU, it is only a step down from Shoulders power-wise but where this was different is that the alcohol was much more noticeable while it was nicely masked in the IIPA. Much maltier than its counterpart, Sonic was resiny and alcohol on the nose and well, very much the same on the tongue. It was solid enough as a one-off but when you're going for high ABV, you might need to mask the alcohol a little better than this. Also I suspect it might have suffered slightly in my estimation as I had it directly after Shoulders, which is a phenomenal beer. (Are you sensing I might be a bit keen to see it in the stores? Well, then, congratulations on your empathy powers because I thought I hid that pretty well.)

Steam Whistle's The Lowest Boardroom, shown
here, won the Battle of the Brewery Bands, edging
out  Beau's Audio, Great Lakes' Die Tenacious Earth
and  Mill  Street's Tennessee Voodoo Coup  

Okay, time to switch it up. There would be more IPAs in my afternoon but you can only worship at the same altar for so long. My hometown boys, Nickel Brook Brewery, have a couple of brews I haven't tried and I sensed the opportunity was rife. Mostly because I had a crap-ton of beer chips burning a hole in my pockets. So test-driving their Maple Porter was long overdue. Oddly, I got coffee on the nose, normal for a porter... but no maple? However, the tongue does not lie. The maple came through in the flavour and I am thrilled to say, it was nicely muted and not at all overpowering. Maple is a dodgy game for beer - you can't go too big or it is incredibly distracting with its sweetness. This was just right. Nice job, homeys... hometownies? Whatever.

The next porter I tried was a surprise in many ways... Highlander Brew Company's Blacksmith Smoked Porter. Surprise #1: "So where are you guys located?" South River, a place I been many times because my buddy, Bill, owns a cottage on the town's Eagle Lake - a cottage that has played the role of victim to many a Boys Weekend. Now granted, our Boys Weekends are filled with prayer circles, hymn singing and scripture reading... so it's all very spiritual. Well, that's what we tell our significant others, anyway. So far, not one has bought it. What can I say about our significant others over the years? They may be with idiots... but they are not idiots themselves. (Okay, okay... Poker, booze, beer, cigars and a lot of trash-talkin'. What did you expect?)

Okay, these young ladies got Flying Monkeys' stickers
that said "Beerologist" on them. On the Flying Monkeys'
sticker I got? "I see drunk people." Somehow appropriate.
I saw a lot of drunk twins, too. Tons of them by the end...

Surprise #2: That's another nice porter. You do get a small sense of smokiness on the nose but mostly some dark fruit. The smokiness does, in fact, present itself on the tongue along with coffee. That's a solid porter and to my buddy Bill, they told me they're right on Eagle Lake... not near it... on it. Side-trip in the boat this summer! Uh oh, beers in the boat... whoa, that's never happened before! (Is anyone buying any of this??? Yeah... didn't think so...)

Okay, back to the IPAs and it was time to visit the Toronto Craft Beer Queen Mel's favourite brewery, Beau's All Natural Brewing, whose Beaver River I.P.Eh? was a cool mix of the milder British IPA-style that also added some American west coast hoppiness. Mostly citrus so we can assume heavy on the Cascade hop. At 5.6% and 52 IBU, this is a session IPA I can get onboard with - floral scent, piney and grapefruit finish. Not overpowering but I need a few IPAs that aren't. This fits the bill nicely.

Well, as you may have noticed, I tend to praise IPAs a lot - no, seriously, I do... ask anyone who's read more than one of these - but well, I kinda ran into one of which I wasn't a huge fan. I had Ottawa's Big Rig Brewery's IPA and well, wasn't all that keen on it. That happens on occasion.

The view from the stage, courtesy of Steam Whistle's
band, The Lowest Boardroom. You can't miss me. I'm in
the back there. Right side. Way back. That's me! Totally.

The fact is at 6.2% and 70 IBU (not entirely low), this doesn't pack the punch I like and tasted - to me, anyway - much more mild than the sessionable Beaver River. I was not a fan at all. Also, it tasted... well, bland. I'm afraid I can't describe it better than that. That said, no one goes home without a door prize. Big Rig also makes a Double Chocolate Milk Stout that Saga sampled. I had a sip. That seemed pretty damn good so I'll watch for it.

Okay, all in all, an awesome afternoon with my bro, Saga (it always is - he is the most amusing court jester I know). We decided it was time to leave when I looked at this huge dude with beer completely down the front of his coat and noted oh-so-cleverly and very loudly, "Dude, your beer has some jacket on it!"

Next time at bat, we have a few. The Brewery Ommegang's Hennipen Saison and Young's Double Chocolate Stout that I have been promising. Also, I'm taking shot #2 at a Black IPA, this time Nickel Brook's Malevolent Black IPA. First time I had a black IPA, I was not bowled over. Thought it was a great porter but not an IPA at all. Let's see how this turns out.

If you see these two men, please do not call the
Police. They are basically harmless. "Basically"
But the GO Train Ticket Police may disagree...

Also I have a German black lager and a few Czech lagers in the fridge all calling my name, not to mention a mixed four-pack of Stone Hammer's best. Also a look of some of the winners of the recent Ontario Brewing Awards. Some surprises... but many well-deserved, as well. Okay, shout-outs... well, Beer Musketeers Stevil St Evil and Cat have been suspiciously silent on the blog circuit as of late. I'm not suggesting foul play... but I've watched a lot of Dexter so well, part of me is worried. If it wasn't for the fact I talk to them every day, I'd be super worried.

Beer Musketeer Glenn, on the other hand, is yappier than a chihuahua. And he has had some, well, interesting (and very entertaining) blogs as of late. He is on vacation with his lad, Jake, in Florida and well, his initial foray was... I dunno what to say about this... other than to call it: Boggy, Muddy Culverts See A Big Resurgence In The Florida Tourist Industry. But gawd bless him, he bounced back the next day, seeing Captain America 2 (in America, no less) with his boy and trying out some excellent IPAs in this offering: Okay, I Scraped The Mud Off...

Well, guys and dolls, what can I tell ya? That's it, that's all and I am outta here!!!! Until next time, I remain...

Stubbies, Miller High Life and Louise Mandrell...

For some reason 30 years ago, we thought this beer
was a big deal. We were college kids - we had an
excuse. Anyone who wasn't? You're on your own

Thirty-plus years ago when I turned legal, Canadian beer came in one bottle and one bottle only - the stubby. Short, wide and brown, it was the bottle used nationally by all Canadian brewers from 1961 when it was introduced and lasted it to the mid-1980s. To those of us who became of legal age in the 70s and 80s, it was the only beer bottle we'd ever known and you got 'em in six-packs, 12-packs and two-fours - that was it. They were the beer bottles our dads used to drink from. Until it was our turn.

Then over a ridiculously-short time-span, stubbies just disappeared from view. Wiped off the horizon. Replaced by bottles of all shapes and sizes in Canada. Why? Oh, there's many theories. Inter-provincial sales which had previously not been allowed were finally okayed. Limits on American and foreign imports were starting to lift. Micro-breweries (the fathers of craft brewers) were just starting to pop up. I call "shenanigans" on all these theories. I was there. I remember. Stubbies in Canada disappeared because of one single beer: Miller High Life. Let me tell you what really happened...

Louise Mandrell. You would have proposed too

In early-1983, Carling O'Keefe Brewery (at the time, Canada's third-largest brewer - long since absorbed by Molsons) acquired the rights to brew Miller High Life, a giant American beer brewed by, well, American giant Miller. In one of the shrewdest marketing moves in Canadian beer history, they bottled it in unique tall-neck bottles (much like the USA version) and virtually swept the youth beer market. Beer Store old-timers remember having to get this beer shipped in by the skid-load and still selling out. Was it better-tasting than other popular Canadian beers? No, not at all, as I recall. But we were young, it came in a super-cool bottle, was 5% (so it got the job done) and well, it looked different than our dads' beer, y'know? Reason enough to switch. But I was there the fateful night the huge Miller High Life launch in Canada all went down. Actually, so too were two of the other Beer Musketeers - Glenn and Stevil St Evil.

Another winner from the Double Trouble
Brewing boys out of Guelph: their punchy
Fire in the Rye Roasted Rye Pale Ale...

At the time, we were all third-year Journalism students at Toronto's Humber College. As third-years, we had to intern at actual publications to get our diploma. I landed at a small community newspaper in west Toronto. Stevil worked at a dairy magazine under the huge Rogers Communications umbrella - something like 25 magazines under one roof. And Glenn did PR for a small but thriving chain of strip clubs. (Not really but I forget where he interned. He's out of the country so I can't ask. And it's not key to the story.) So Miller was having this huge corporate launch followed by the media launch the following night. So through Rogers, Stevil finagled six passes to the media launch for us and six of us tromped down to a swanky convention hall in downtown Toronto for a night of free Miller High Life. Except for one little glitch. Somehow the event people sent him six invites to the swanky corporate night, not the following media night. Obviously, there were problems at the door which we left for Stevil to deal with, as he was the dude who scored the tickets, as well as the group's primo schmoozer and at 6-foot-7, a pretty imposing schmoozer to boot.

Founders, the Grand Rapid, Michigan makers of my
beloved Centennial IPA, have another winner with
their Pale Ale - one lightly-hopped little treat...

And of course he got us in - six scraggly-looking collegiate frat boy types ready to pound down free beer awash in a sea of corporate dark blue and pin-striped black suits. Aside from being the youngest people in the room by far, we couldn't have been more out-of-place unless we walked in wearing brightly-coloured Hawaiian shirts - which two of us actually were. (All these years later, my taste in casual clothing has not even marginally improved. Why would I wear a golf shirt? Is there a golf club in my hand? No, I think not.) But soon, one thing became readily apparent. We weren't trapped in a big room of corporate suits - no, in fact, they were trapped in there with us. That we stood out first became apparent when singer Louise Mandrell hit the stage. She was the middle sister of the popular country music Mandrell Sisters trio whose variety show was televised at the time on a large American TV network. So when it came time to call someone on stage, which clean-cut worthy corporate suit got the nod? Uhhh, that would be me. 

With a  punchy floral bouquet, I prefer
Liberty Ale over their Anchor Steam...

I bounded up on stage. "Well, don't you look like a fun-loving young fella," the stunningly attractive Mandrell purred in a light southern drawl. "Anything you wanna say while you're up here?" I hesitated for a nano-second before answering, "Sure. Will you marry me?" That brought down the house - score one for the frat boys. Laughing, she gamely responded, "Oh honey, I've had a lot of husbands." I simply replied, "That's okay, I've got lots of rings." More laughs. That earned me a hug, a kiss on the cheek and a whispered, "You are so cute..." Floating on Cloud 9 back down from the stage, the corporate cats couldn't high-five me enough. The frat boys earned their free beer that swanky corporate night. And apparently, in a wee bit of a free beer stupor, we also thought we earned a six-foot-high cut-out of a Miller High Life bottle, hard-mounted on a four-wheeled dolly. Because out the front door, Stevil brazenly marched out with it, into the Toronto night... and onto the Toronto subway, which, in itself, was a sight to see. Regardless, that night sounded the death-knell for the stubby in Canada. In an effort to compete with Miller High Life, the other brewers simply pitched the compact bottle into the bin and came out with fancier ones themselves - long-necks, painted labels, the whole nine yards. And the stubby passed soon after. If you would, a moment of silence for the stu... yeah, long enough, let's talk beer. Mostly ales and pale ales.

The Amsterdam Autumn Hop Harvest Ale is
one that will always have a place in my fridge

Okay, I've been promising a handful of reviews for the past few blogs and let's have at it, shall we? Okay, first up we have the third offering from the boys at Double Trouble Brewing who contract-brew out of Wellington County Brewery in Guelph. Their first two outings - Break-Out Pilsner and Hops and Robbers IPA - were both solid, especially the sessionable IPA. But their latest, Fire in the Rye Roasted Rye Pale Ale? Shazam, we have a winner. Clocking in at 6.1% and 60 IBU (international bitterness units), this packs a nice little jolt. Pine and light hops on the nose, peppery rye and fruity on the tongue, it isn't quite in the lofty Cameron's Rye Pale Ale stratosphere but really, it's pretty damn close. The first of several keepers coming up today.

Let's travel to Grand Rapids, Michigan and see what the boys at Founders Brewery, home to my beloved Centennial IPA, have for us today - ahh, their Pale Ale. A far less hopped pale than the ones I usually favour, this 5.4% and 35 IBU ale uses the steadfast Cascade hop for its citrusy, flowery scent and is a nicely-balanced moderate American Pale Ale on the tongue. The latitude for hoppiness and ABV in pale ales is exceptionally wide and this is on the low-medium end. However, for that very reason, this would be an outstanding day-on-the-patio beer and since Donny's Bar and Grill has a patio, it will be happily returning... when the sun does.

Brewed by Nickel Brook brewmaster Ryan Morrow,  Rhyme
& Reason pale ale is both delicious and artistically-minded

Okay, it just dawned on me as I re-read that last paragraph that while I refer to IBUs constantly, I have never mentioned ABVs, which means simply "alcohol by volume". I always just say, oh, 7% and assume you know what that means. Okay, here's why it's called ABV. The higher the ABV, the louder you will be while drinking that beer. Alcohol by volume. True story. Ask anyone. Anyone sitting within earshot of me in a bar, that is...

Had an Anchor Brewing (San Francisco) Anchor Steam lager a while back and liked it just fine but it was the Liberty Ale that I was more eager to try. Turns out that was with good reason.

I'm with Newcastle. Who the hell
uses the word "chalice"? I have
two of those Stella glasses and I
call them "goblets". Why? Less
European and more Harry Potter!

Also incorporating Cascade hops, this 5.9% brew has that punchy floral bouquet and a nice citrus bitter-sweet finish. To my tastes, much preferable over the Steam Anchor although I will take ales over lagers on all days that end with "y". That said, I would recommend the Steam Anchor as a huge step-up to mainstream lager drinkers.

Another pale ale that I had enjoyed was Amsterdam's Autumn Hop Ale, having picked one up when Beer Musketeer Cat and I toured the Amsterdam brewery a few months back. Using a "wet hop" technique, whereby freshly-picked hops are added to the mix, the 5.6%, 60 IBU has that pine and grapefruit nose I love in an IPA and some citrus, medium-bitterness on the tongue. The sole problem? I was drinking it at the same time as the brewery's super-kick-ass ultra-hoppy Fracture IIPA so Autumn Hop came off as a weaker, younger sister. Lesson learned: separate your beers. I will do that this summer at the Donny's Bar and Grill patio with this single sold at LCBOs everywhere. It's a great beer... that I drank with the wrong companion beers.

And finally Collective Art's Rhyme & Reason Extra Pale Ale, a beer that has sparked an ongoing debate between Beer Musketeer Glenn and myself. He maintains that Rhyme & Reason should be my favourite pale ale since my current favourite, Spearhead Hawaiian Style Pale Ale, is 6%, 60 IBU and would be better classified as an IPA, rather than a pale ale. I counter that Rhyme & Reason is 5.7% and 55 IBU so, well, we're kind of splitting hairs here. The marks on RateBeer are virtually identical with Rhyme notching 96 and Hawaiian collecting 95. However, where he may be a little right is that Rhyme & Reason has the edge on style points (98 vs 93), meaning, yes, Rhyme is a truer pale ale.

That's just animal cruelty... expecting a dog
to drink a disgusting  Corona. The glasses
and hat are fine, kinda cute even but Corona?

That said, Nickel Brook brewmaster Ryan Morrow had a real challenge on his hands - make a pale ale for contract brewer Collective Arts that is markedly different than Nickel Brook's own outstanding Naughty Neighbour American Pale Ale. Saying he succeeded is an understatement. He power-blasted this, using Citra, Centennial, Chinook and Simcoe hops - hmmm, sounding very IPA-ish to me, Glenn - giving it a pine and grapefruit nose with some bitter-sweet citrus, tropical fruit on the tongue. It is outstanding so nice job, Ryan. 

That said, the biggest reason I like Spearhead Hawaiian Style Pale Ale the most? Simple, I don't like pineapple... at all. You will never see me eat pineapple, especially on pizza. And yet I love it in this beer. It's funny - there are laws against violence, stalking, bad/drunk driving and even jay-walking. But not one single law against putting fruit on pizza??? It's like society itself is ignoring the obvious.

Okay, I had also promised to review Brewery Ommegang's Hennipen Saison and Young's Double Chocolate Stout in this blog but, well, they don't really fit today's theme and this is long enough. In a couple of days, I will be writing about that Toronto's Beer Festival's Spring Fest that co-worker Saga and I attended last weekend at the Brick Works in Toronto. So until then, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until then, I remain...