From Germany to Oregon and back...

Is Rogue Dead Guy Ale a superior Maibock
to the German beers that are actually called
Maibocks? There's a skeleton on the label so
well, of course it is. It has a skeleton, people!

Where was I? No, seriously, where the hell was I??? Oh right, Brew Ha Ha! was visiting the beers of Germany... ein prosit, freaking outstanding wheat beers(!!! - that's right, three of those stick-dot punctuation thingeys), pretty ladies at Oktoberfest, damn solid pilsners and lagers... it's all coming back now... whatta fantastic trip...

Granted, I never left home. I like the way a beer blog works - it's like travelling the world... but you're at home in your underwear. Your Spider-Man underwear. (What? They're comfortable! And they have the maximum Comfort Level Of Holes For Men's Boxers - that's eight - one big hole at the waist with the elastic part, the two leg holes, the fly hole... and the four time-worn freebies for added ventilation...)

My sole complaint about the German beers: their Maibocks. Holsten made a helluva Festbock that I would drink anytime but the Holsten and Dab Maibocks were far too light-tasting. To me, they were barely distinguishable from the pilsners. That's not a bock. So where did I find a Maibock-style beer that was worth its weight in bratwurst and lederhosens? Rogue Brewery in Newport, Oregon.

Yeah, Rogue Beard Beer is NOT gonna happen with me.
Nope! Never! I strain enough beer through my Movember

Unwittingly, I bought a Rogue Dead Guy Ale and got a taste of what a Maibock-style beer SHOULD taste like. Truth to tell, I bought it for the name and label, not even knowing it was a Maibock-style - a skeleton crouching on a barrel of beer, holding a beer stein and wearing what appears to a religious hat of sorts on his bony skeleton head. How could I not buy it? Like many craft/microbrewery beers, it was a fluke of sorts. Created as a one-time thing for Day of the Dead Celebrations in Newport back in the early-1990s (just a couple of years into the brewery's existence), the beer took off with living and dead beer drinkers alike. The dead were less emphatic but still their enthusiasm was felt from beyond and Rogue kept producing it. Four different malts (two German), two different hops, it's smooth with a kick. This is one damn tasty maibock-style beer that calls itself an ale so it doesn't scare the living and dead beer drinkers of Newport. So naturally, I sought out other Rogue products and stumbled onto their Rogue Brutal IPA. Imagine that? Me finding a new IPA? What are the odds? (Las Vegas Note: The actual odds that he WON'T mention a new IPA he loves are 10,000-to-1...)

The Toppermost of the Hoppermost.
Shut up, that's a clever turn of phrase!

Shut up, Vegas! I thought your damn motto was that it "stayed there." Lying sacks o' crap. So yeah, Rogue Brutal IPA... if you love IPAs, grab one! Its IBU (international bitterness units) is a moderate 59 but it gets its kick from Oregon-grown Crystal hops - a triple hop with three separate strains. Another kick-ass IPA up there with Grand Rapids Founder's Centennial IPA, Barrie's Flying Monkey's Smashbomb Atomic IPA, Kelowna's Tree Brewing's Hop Head IPA and Surrey's Red Racer IPA - another top gun to add to the "toppermost of the hoppermost."

Brew Ha Ha! Sidenote: When The Beatles were playing their early live shows and honing their skills on the sleazy bar strip in Hamburg, Germany in 1960 and John Lennon saw the boys flagging, he yelled into the mic, "Where we goin', boys?" The answer they yelled back that was meant to perk them up when the booze and Percocets were wearing off: "To the toppermost of the poppermost!" Meaning the pop charts. Which, of course, they would in just three short years. And yes, I will acknowledge it's 27% less clever when I have to explain where I came up with "hoppermost"...  (Las Vegas Note: We'll pay even money that it's more like 77%)

Oh, will you shut the hell up, Vegas!!!!!!! Anyway, Brutal IPA scored 97 on RateBeer; Dead Guy snagged 92 - I would have said about 95, had I been voting. Two top-flight brews, both well-deserved marks, says this Spider-Man Underwear Beer Drinking Guy. Hey, at least I'm not naked. Usually.

♫ Whisper words of wisdom, let it Beer...

Two Rogue beers that I am not likely to try anytime soon, my brand new close and personal friends at Rogue Brewery who will say they've never heard of me but that's just a game we play. Okay, there's a Rogue Beard Beer, made from the yeast from... (just let me read this again... yeah, that's what I thought it said...) the yeast collected from brewmaster John Maier's beard. The fact that he looks like a lot like a young Fidel Castro doesn't bother me. I'm Canadian so I always kinda thought Castro was a cool dude. No beer embargoes here! No, it's the beard thing. That said, my buddy in New Zealand, Stevil St Evil just saw a crapload of Rogue beers land in his local pub, The Malthouse, and I sensed he was a little disappointed that Beard Beer wasn't among them. He's gonna have to wait because I have a pretty general idea of the export laws. Plants, animals, insects and nasty-ass yeast-filled follicle-beers are not allowed on trans-Pacific flights. (Las Vegas Note: Oh, now we're an export expert, are we? Five Rogue Brutal IPAs and you can't even say "export expert" five times fast, Beer Boy...)

Is this beer? Is it breakfast? A snack? Who knows?

The other Rogue beer that's not happening in Donny's Bar and Grill? This bright pink bottle that looks like Pepto-Bismo has been coming back in our empties at the Beer Store: Rogue Voodoo Doughnut Chocolate Peanut Butter and Banana Ale. I'm not saying Rogue brewmaster John Maier was blasted on 'shrooms when he concocted this one... (Las Vegas Note: we'll wager 6-to-1 he was)... but yeah, gonna pass. Hope my new best friends at Rogue (Las Vegas Note: they hate you, dude) don't mind if I stick with their top guns - Dead Guy Ale and the Brutal IPA. And Vegas, shut up. The guys at Rogue are bound to fly me out to Newport in a private jet to sample their other wares when they see this. (Las Vegas Note: Aaaaand the wagering opens to 999-to-one...)

Okay, screeching back to Ontario and bock beers here. At the Beer Store where I work, we have one customer who will wait until we have Creemore Springs urBock in stock and will grab 24 or 48 tall cans at once. That's not a cheap investment. The other four Creemore Springs beers (Premium Lager, Pilsener, Altbier and Kellerbier are the others) are good. Damn good, actually. So I asked him. Customers often point me to hidden treasures that are, in fact, right in front of my face. And this guy hoards it for a reason.

Creemore Springs urBock: as good as the German stuff

So I snagged an urBock which we get during select times of the year. Oh man, that's a tasty little treat. It got a bit of a bitch-slap on RateBeer (76) but it is, by far, the best Canadian bock I've ever had. This, people, is a bock that will stand against the best Europe has to offer. Dark, textured, earthy... oh yeah. Don't bother with the German stuff, except maybe Holsten Festbock. Start here with this. Stay here with this.

Okay, a few more recent Beer Store offerings. You want an amber ale to try? Start with the Tree Brewing's Thirsty Beaver Amber Ale. It got spanked on RateBeer but I'll tell you differently - this is a nice amber ale. Caramel malts, lightly hopped, I quite enjoyed it and would drink this any time. The same goes for Hop City's Barking Squirrel Lager. It starts crisp and malty like any good lager does but with 28 IBUs, it also has a little kick in the pants that most lagers don't have.

This squirrel looking dubiously at a hop
reminds me a little too much of my Beer
Store co-worker Saga. He denies modelling
for this cartoon squirrel. I have my doubts.

Like Thirsty Beaver, it also got bent over the car hood by RateBeer (both were high-30s) which is why I don't put ultimate stock in any beer rating system. Yes, I will clamour to get my hands on anything that's rated in the high-90s because you know it's a special treat. But some of the lower-ranked beers have to be tasted too because when you write a beer blog, well, that's happily called research. But Barking Squirrel won the Gold Medal for North American Style Amber Lager at the 2013 Canadian Brewing Awards. But the coolest thing about Hop City Brewing out of Brampton was that it was created by two brewmasters, John and Kevin, who started it as a labour of love. John first took a job at a brewery 20 years ago simply because his mother asked him not to (dude, I can so relate...) and Kevin happily admits the very first batch of Barking Squirrel was made in his kitchen. Also they both hate being called brewmaster, preferring just brewers, so there's something very unassumingly Canadian about that.

Another that was a pleasant surprise was the new Budweiser Crown brewed up here by Labatt's as an answer to some of the top-flight beers coming out of the craft beer industry. In the U.S., it's brewed by giant Anheuser Busch and goes by the name Bud Black Crown. I have had both and would give the nod to the Labatt's version brewed north of the 49th Parallel. At 6%, it's a strong lager with dark copper colours and slightly maltier tweaks. The Labatt's version has not been scored yet but I suspect it would land slightly higher than the 10 scored by Black Crown on RateBeer. Maybe a 15 or so. Lagers get creamed on RateBeer which actually makes Barking Squirrel's 38 all the more impressive. That's actually pretty high for a lager - the least-favoured beer style to the RateBeer dudes.

Made to honour Dallas Green who records music under the
name City and Colour when he's not being lead singer and
guitarist for Montreal's Grammy-winning group Arcade Fire.

Last on deck was a limited release - Flying Monkey's City and Colour Imperial Maple Wheat because well, if Flying Monkeys makes it, I'm gonna try it. It's that simple. At first, I nearly balked at the $13 price for a single bottle but when I did the Math - 750ml at 11.5% - I realize that was actually the same as five bottles of beer in one big-ass bottle. Okay, the overpowering maple flavour in this nearly knocked me out of my chair. (Las Vegas Note: we'll wager it was the 11.5%, you pussy.) Very tasty though a little too sweet for me. Some nice vanilla undertones if you can work past the maple. My co-worker Saga would absolutely love this one - he goes for the funky malty offbeat ones while I head in the hoppy direction. Made to honour Canadian singer-songwriter Dallas Green (that's him on the funky box there), this is the brewery's second limited edition nod to Canadian musicians, the first being the release of their Barenaked Ladies Chocolate Imperial Stout a few years back. Oh man, I wish I'd gotten my hands on one of those back then. I bet it was dynamite. RateBeer gave it a solid 99 while the Imperial Maple Wheat clocked in at a very respectable 80. Chocolate stout... lemme at it! With the Imperial Maple Wheat clearly being a dessert beer, I turned to the Beeroness, Jackie out of California who creates recipes using craft beer, to ask what this maple beer would work best in. I had been scoping out her dessert recipes and was stymied. Her answer was something that should have been obvious - her Vanilla Bean Smoked Porter French Toast recipe. Simply substitute the Porter with the Imperial Maple Wheat. Check it out right here: Beeroness French Toast (Las Vegas Note: Seems pretty obvious to us. Are you certain you're Canadian?)

Stevil St Evil and his fancy new Spiegelau IPA glasses

Okay, a few shout-outs. First to coworker Marie whose son Mark gave my son David some Marvel superhero drinking glasses as a gift recently. While David loves them, they also are the perfect size for the 473-500ml single cans I often buy. Had some Nickel Brook Headstock IPA out of the Iron Man glass yesterday. Is that a perfect IPA glass? Hellz no... but it's the coolest. The perfect IPA glass would come from the German company Spiegelau and is being modelled to the right by my beer drinking comrade, Stevil St Evil. To see Stevil's home movie on the new glass, which is funny due to both his cat Squeak's constant interference and the gratuitous use of the word "butt plug", check out his home video here: Stevil's Newest Toy If you're interested here in Canada, Sears sells them. And finally, my former Beer Store co-worker Karolyn, has started her own blog, Confessional of a Former Fat Girl. Click on that link and navigate through by clicking on the underlined dates. It is a very clever, highly amusing look at life after a 100 pound weight loss. I remember when she was still in school, KC had to write a treatment script for The Big Bang Theory and I was one of the select few she sent it to. Holy crap, she had me in stitches reading it. Lemme tell you else - with her long naturally red hair and always-smiling prettiness, this young lady, who was always one of my favourite co-workers, absolutely rocked a Black Widow costume this past Halloween.

Well, that's it, that's all... I am outta here! Until next time (which will be in a few days), I remain...