Which Canadian beer was among the 300 More Beers To Try Before You Die?

"I never said that... and you can quote me on that"

"Write drunk, edit sober..."
These words are famously attributed to Ernest Hemingway. One small problem. He never said that. "God bless the Internet and its uncanny ability to put never-spoken words in the mouths of famous people," as Abraham Lincoln also famously said. The quote is more likely to have come from Peter De Vries' 1964 novel, "Reuben Reuben", where the leading protagonist is based on notorious pisstank poet Dylan Thomas, who utters: "Sometimes I write drunk and revise sober."
In the case of a beer blog, it is unavoidable that on occasion, you will be wetting your whistle with tasty suds while happily tap-tap-tapping on the keyboard. Which is fine, of course. It's research, after all. But you can "over-research" at times (call that a "happy accident") so I will have to alter that initial statement thusly: "Write in whatever state you happen to be in at that moment. But never publish until you've read it again in the morning with a cuppa Joe."

"Winter ales are coming... to Brew Ha Ha... Perhaps
this Canuck nitwit will even stop with all the IPAs"

The reason? Well, lemme give you some scenarios here as to what happens when you revisit your beer blog the following morning with fresh bright eyes:
Scenario #1: "Whoa... where the hell was I going with this?" *delete, delete, delete*
Scenario #2: "This was a lot funnier last night. Somehow that short passage of time has turned comedic gold into Shakespearean-level tragedy." *delete, delete, delete*
And, of course, Scenario #3: "I'm not even sure this is in English. Somehow, that 10.7% porter gave me the ability to write in grammatically-incorrect Ukrainian." *delete, delete, delete*

How does Unibroue Grande Reserve 17
taste? Deliciously and bizarrely complex

That said, there are a number of other beer bloggers throughout the world that I follow regularly and at the top of the sudsy blog vat is New Zealand's Neil Miller, an erudite, witty and prolific beer writer/blogger. I don't always get his sports and political references because, well, he's on the other side of the world and 18 hours ahead of me so technically, he's writing from the future. Plus the man is a beer expert to the point of being a judge in beer competitions whereas I am merely a beer enthusiast... a beerginner, if you will. Anyway, when he wrote a blog about famed British beer author Roger Protz' recently-released book, "300 More Beers To Try Before You Die", my ears perked up, simply because there was a Canadian beer on that list. (Much to Neil's delight, there were eight Kiwi beers on Protz' list. New Zealand has a total population of 5 million and I swear to gawd, 578,000 of them must be craft brewers. Per capita, I swear that tiny island - islands, actually - has a bigger craft beer culture than even the United States.) And since Neil had a copy of Protz' tome in his hands, I asked him which Canadian beer made the cut. Turns out it was Quebec's notable Unibroue 17, now called Grande Reserve 17.

Cameron's Obsidian Imperial Porter: It's
rum-barrel-aged and, well, awesome

It took me over two months to actually find one simply because it's a limited edition seasonal. Turns out that Unibroue used to annually crank out a specialty beer named after their years of existence (Unibroue 15, Unibroue 16, etc) but stopped when they got to 17. Why? Because it's so damn tasty and was met with such public acclaim, they didn't bother to try and top it. And retiring it was certainly out of the question. Brewed in a Belgian strong ale style, this 10% offering, which won platinum awards three years running for "World's Best Dark Ale", will confuse the hell out of your taste-buds because it's so damn difficult to pin down what its flavour pods are. I couldn't put my finger on it and read 17 pages of RateBeer reviews to see what other drinkers found in this. The usual suspects came up: raisins, prunes, toffee, caramel... I was talking to another New Zealand comrade Stevil St Evil while I was drinking it, explaining that there was something in this but (you have to read this part in the hesitant speaking voice of Captain James T Kirk) I... wasn't... sure... what. Finally, after 17 pages of people basically disagreeing on what the flavour pods were, someone finally said "plum". Bingo! Unibroue continues to make the world's most complex and delicious beers, much to my delight. And for the record, a 99 on RateBeer and now, thanks to Protz, world-renown.

Finally! A Canadian wheat beer that
nearly matches the best German ones!

And speaking of delight, I stumbled onto two separate gold-mines from Cameron's Brewing in my hometown of Oakville. (The brewery is literally down the street from my Mom's house.) Our store sells four of their beers - Lager, Cream Ale, Auburn Ale and Dark 266 - and I'd suggest the auburn ale is the best of that list. But where this tiny brewery truly shines is in its single 650-ml bottle releases where it ventures off the beaten path and goes a little crazy. Their Rye Pale Ale is outstanding. I instantly detected grapefruit in its aroma although in all honesty, I almost always detect a hint of grapefruit when something is hoppier and at 6.6% and 80 IBUs (international bitterness units), this certainly qualifies as hoppy, which always makes me (quick vowel switch) happy. I'm a hoppy-happy kinda guy. For his part, my co-worker Saga almost always gets a hint of banana when a brew gets either hoppier or maltier. After that, it was onto their Obsidian Imperial Porter, which is rum barrel aged. The chocolate hints are the first thing you get from this malty sensation but it is so incredibly smooth that the high-octane 9.2% is basically masked. It walks a dangerous yet delicious turf, this one. These two notched respective score of 98 and 95 on RateBeer and I strongly urge you to try both... or simply pick the style you prefer. You know, if you wanna be a wuss... *coughs the name SAGA* (Just kidding, buddy... you're my amigo... can we switch shifts on Friday?)

Sawdust City's Lone Pine IPA, a feel-
good story from a tiny craft brewer

Since being bowled over by the German wheat beers a few blogs back which if you missed you can view here: Don Gets Bowled Over By German Wheat Beers A Few Blogs Back I have been actively seeking Canadian wheat beers of the same calibre. Saga suggested Rickard's White which is a nice summery beer but no, not even close. So when I stumbled onto Howe Sound King Heffy Imperial Hefeweizen out of British Columbia, I proceeded with caution. That turned out to be unwarranted. As Jesse Pinkman would say: this shit's the wheat bomb, yo! This time if Saga said he smelled bananas in the aroma, he would be spot-on. Coming in a distinctive 1-litre jug with one of those uber-cool (see the clever use of German there?) ceramic flip-tops, this wheat beer, brewed as a Weizen Bock is the closest that our country will come to the best German beer I ever tasted, a single bock wheat called Weihenstephaner Vitas. This is an outstanding wheat beer that, at 87 on RateBeer, outscored a number of the German wheats I tried (and loved). If you love wheats, you have to try the King Heffy which even at 7.7% is as smooth as Jean Luc Picard's head. (Oooh, two Star Trek references in one blog. My inner geek is showing...)

For all you do, this anything-but-Bud's for you...

And finally, a feel-good IPA story out of the tiny Sawdust City Brewing Company in Bracebridge, Ontario. The brewery made the tough decision to recall their October 25 batch of Lone Pine IPA, which had already been shipped out to LCBOs across the province. Why? They didn't think it was good enough. They thought it was good, mind you... but not good enough. Wow. For a craft brewer to take a full-body shot to their bottom-line like that? That had to hurt. To show support for the brewery, I "product-located" the beer and bought up the remaining stock of a fresh batch of Lone Pine. That's a considerably less magnanimous gesture when there was only two left on the shelf but hey, in the end, it was my pleasure. Aptly-named, there is some pine to the taste with - again - a hint of grapefruit in there. At 6.5% and 65 IBU, its medium hoppiness puts it close to the top with a solid 91 on RateBeer. Also in my fridge right now, a Sawdust City Long, Dark Voyage to Uranus Imperial Stout which, yes, I bought solely for the name because I am just that juvenile.

Next up: what Capital City Brewing did right with its Red Racer Summer Sampler. And what Brick Brewing also did right with its Waterloo Small Batch Winter Sampler... because this is Canada and we go from Summer to Winter in one day. And a couple of shout-outs. First on deck is Stevil St Evil who views across the Pacific Ocean to marvel at: The Crack-Addled AssHat That Is Rob Ford And then, of course, there's the lovely and very funny Karolyn who writes Confessional Of A Former Fat Girl near-daily. Here's today offering: Sweet! I have a hater!!! but do yourself a favour and click on past ones which are date-underlined. One clever lady. Oh, and to my American friends, Happy Thanksgiving Week. We had ours a month ago. Try the turkey, it was really good. Well, folk, that's it... I need a beer so I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...

From Germany to Oregon and back...

Is Rogue Dead Guy Ale a superior Maibock
to the German beers that are actually called
Maibocks? There's a skeleton on the label so
well, of course it is. It has a skeleton, people!

Where was I? No, seriously, where the hell was I??? Oh right, Brew Ha Ha! was visiting the beers of Germany... ein prosit, freaking outstanding wheat beers(!!! - that's right, three of those stick-dot punctuation thingeys), pretty ladies at Oktoberfest, damn solid pilsners and lagers... it's all coming back now... whatta fantastic trip...

Granted, I never left home. I like the way a beer blog works - it's like travelling the world... but you're at home in your underwear. Your Spider-Man underwear. (What? They're comfortable! And they have the maximum Comfort Level Of Holes For Men's Boxers - that's eight - one big hole at the waist with the elastic part, the two leg holes, the fly hole... and the four time-worn freebies for added ventilation...)

My sole complaint about the German beers: their Maibocks. Holsten made a helluva Festbock that I would drink anytime but the Holsten and Dab Maibocks were far too light-tasting. To me, they were barely distinguishable from the pilsners. That's not a bock. So where did I find a Maibock-style beer that was worth its weight in bratwurst and lederhosens? Rogue Brewery in Newport, Oregon.

Yeah, Rogue Beard Beer is NOT gonna happen with me.
Nope! Never! I strain enough beer through my Movember

Unwittingly, I bought a Rogue Dead Guy Ale and got a taste of what a Maibock-style beer SHOULD taste like. Truth to tell, I bought it for the name and label, not even knowing it was a Maibock-style - a skeleton crouching on a barrel of beer, holding a beer stein and wearing what appears to a religious hat of sorts on his bony skeleton head. How could I not buy it? Like many craft/microbrewery beers, it was a fluke of sorts. Created as a one-time thing for Day of the Dead Celebrations in Newport back in the early-1990s (just a couple of years into the brewery's existence), the beer took off with living and dead beer drinkers alike. The dead were less emphatic but still their enthusiasm was felt from beyond and Rogue kept producing it. Four different malts (two German), two different hops, it's smooth with a kick. This is one damn tasty maibock-style beer that calls itself an ale so it doesn't scare the living and dead beer drinkers of Newport. So naturally, I sought out other Rogue products and stumbled onto their Rogue Brutal IPA. Imagine that? Me finding a new IPA? What are the odds? (Las Vegas Note: The actual odds that he WON'T mention a new IPA he loves are 10,000-to-1...)

The Toppermost of the Hoppermost.
Shut up, that's a clever turn of phrase!

Shut up, Vegas! I thought your damn motto was that it "stayed there." Lying sacks o' crap. So yeah, Rogue Brutal IPA... if you love IPAs, grab one! Its IBU (international bitterness units) is a moderate 59 but it gets its kick from Oregon-grown Crystal hops - a triple hop with three separate strains. Another kick-ass IPA up there with Grand Rapids Founder's Centennial IPA, Barrie's Flying Monkey's Smashbomb Atomic IPA, Kelowna's Tree Brewing's Hop Head IPA and Surrey's Red Racer IPA - another top gun to add to the "toppermost of the hoppermost."

Brew Ha Ha! Sidenote: When The Beatles were playing their early live shows and honing their skills on the sleazy bar strip in Hamburg, Germany in 1960 and John Lennon saw the boys flagging, he yelled into the mic, "Where we goin', boys?" The answer they yelled back that was meant to perk them up when the booze and Percocets were wearing off: "To the toppermost of the poppermost!" Meaning the pop charts. Which, of course, they would in just three short years. And yes, I will acknowledge it's 27% less clever when I have to explain where I came up with "hoppermost"...  (Las Vegas Note: We'll pay even money that it's more like 77%)

Oh, will you shut the hell up, Vegas!!!!!!! Anyway, Brutal IPA scored 97 on RateBeer; Dead Guy snagged 92 - I would have said about 95, had I been voting. Two top-flight brews, both well-deserved marks, says this Spider-Man Underwear Beer Drinking Guy. Hey, at least I'm not naked. Usually.

♫ Whisper words of wisdom, let it Beer...

Two Rogue beers that I am not likely to try anytime soon, my brand new close and personal friends at Rogue Brewery who will say they've never heard of me but that's just a game we play. Okay, there's a Rogue Beard Beer, made from the yeast from... (just let me read this again... yeah, that's what I thought it said...) the yeast collected from brewmaster John Maier's beard. The fact that he looks like a lot like a young Fidel Castro doesn't bother me. I'm Canadian so I always kinda thought Castro was a cool dude. No beer embargoes here! No, it's the beard thing. That said, my buddy in New Zealand, Stevil St Evil just saw a crapload of Rogue beers land in his local pub, The Malthouse, and I sensed he was a little disappointed that Beard Beer wasn't among them. He's gonna have to wait because I have a pretty general idea of the export laws. Plants, animals, insects and nasty-ass yeast-filled follicle-beers are not allowed on trans-Pacific flights. (Las Vegas Note: Oh, now we're an export expert, are we? Five Rogue Brutal IPAs and you can't even say "export expert" five times fast, Beer Boy...)

Is this beer? Is it breakfast? A snack? Who knows?

The other Rogue beer that's not happening in Donny's Bar and Grill? This bright pink bottle that looks like Pepto-Bismo has been coming back in our empties at the Beer Store: Rogue Voodoo Doughnut Chocolate Peanut Butter and Banana Ale. I'm not saying Rogue brewmaster John Maier was blasted on 'shrooms when he concocted this one... (Las Vegas Note: we'll wager 6-to-1 he was)... but yeah, gonna pass. Hope my new best friends at Rogue (Las Vegas Note: they hate you, dude) don't mind if I stick with their top guns - Dead Guy Ale and the Brutal IPA. And Vegas, shut up. The guys at Rogue are bound to fly me out to Newport in a private jet to sample their other wares when they see this. (Las Vegas Note: Aaaaand the wagering opens to 999-to-one...)

Okay, screeching back to Ontario and bock beers here. At the Beer Store where I work, we have one customer who will wait until we have Creemore Springs urBock in stock and will grab 24 or 48 tall cans at once. That's not a cheap investment. The other four Creemore Springs beers (Premium Lager, Pilsener, Altbier and Kellerbier are the others) are good. Damn good, actually. So I asked him. Customers often point me to hidden treasures that are, in fact, right in front of my face. And this guy hoards it for a reason.

Creemore Springs urBock: as good as the German stuff

So I snagged an urBock which we get during select times of the year. Oh man, that's a tasty little treat. It got a bit of a bitch-slap on RateBeer (76) but it is, by far, the best Canadian bock I've ever had. This, people, is a bock that will stand against the best Europe has to offer. Dark, textured, earthy... oh yeah. Don't bother with the German stuff, except maybe Holsten Festbock. Start here with this. Stay here with this.

Okay, a few more recent Beer Store offerings. You want an amber ale to try? Start with the Tree Brewing's Thirsty Beaver Amber Ale. It got spanked on RateBeer but I'll tell you differently - this is a nice amber ale. Caramel malts, lightly hopped, I quite enjoyed it and would drink this any time. The same goes for Hop City's Barking Squirrel Lager. It starts crisp and malty like any good lager does but with 28 IBUs, it also has a little kick in the pants that most lagers don't have.

This squirrel looking dubiously at a hop
reminds me a little too much of my Beer
Store co-worker Saga. He denies modelling
for this cartoon squirrel. I have my doubts.

Like Thirsty Beaver, it also got bent over the car hood by RateBeer (both were high-30s) which is why I don't put ultimate stock in any beer rating system. Yes, I will clamour to get my hands on anything that's rated in the high-90s because you know it's a special treat. But some of the lower-ranked beers have to be tasted too because when you write a beer blog, well, that's happily called research. But Barking Squirrel won the Gold Medal for North American Style Amber Lager at the 2013 Canadian Brewing Awards. But the coolest thing about Hop City Brewing out of Brampton was that it was created by two brewmasters, John and Kevin, who started it as a labour of love. John first took a job at a brewery 20 years ago simply because his mother asked him not to (dude, I can so relate...) and Kevin happily admits the very first batch of Barking Squirrel was made in his kitchen. Also they both hate being called brewmaster, preferring just brewers, so there's something very unassumingly Canadian about that.

Another that was a pleasant surprise was the new Budweiser Crown brewed up here by Labatt's as an answer to some of the top-flight beers coming out of the craft beer industry. In the U.S., it's brewed by giant Anheuser Busch and goes by the name Bud Black Crown. I have had both and would give the nod to the Labatt's version brewed north of the 49th Parallel. At 6%, it's a strong lager with dark copper colours and slightly maltier tweaks. The Labatt's version has not been scored yet but I suspect it would land slightly higher than the 10 scored by Black Crown on RateBeer. Maybe a 15 or so. Lagers get creamed on RateBeer which actually makes Barking Squirrel's 38 all the more impressive. That's actually pretty high for a lager - the least-favoured beer style to the RateBeer dudes.

Made to honour Dallas Green who records music under the
name City and Colour when he's not being lead singer and
guitarist for Montreal's Grammy-winning group Arcade Fire.

Last on deck was a limited release - Flying Monkey's City and Colour Imperial Maple Wheat because well, if Flying Monkeys makes it, I'm gonna try it. It's that simple. At first, I nearly balked at the $13 price for a single bottle but when I did the Math - 750ml at 11.5% - I realize that was actually the same as five bottles of beer in one big-ass bottle. Okay, the overpowering maple flavour in this nearly knocked me out of my chair. (Las Vegas Note: we'll wager it was the 11.5%, you pussy.) Very tasty though a little too sweet for me. Some nice vanilla undertones if you can work past the maple. My co-worker Saga would absolutely love this one - he goes for the funky malty offbeat ones while I head in the hoppy direction. Made to honour Canadian singer-songwriter Dallas Green (that's him on the funky box there), this is the brewery's second limited edition nod to Canadian musicians, the first being the release of their Barenaked Ladies Chocolate Imperial Stout a few years back. Oh man, I wish I'd gotten my hands on one of those back then. I bet it was dynamite. RateBeer gave it a solid 99 while the Imperial Maple Wheat clocked in at a very respectable 80. Chocolate stout... lemme at it! With the Imperial Maple Wheat clearly being a dessert beer, I turned to the Beeroness, Jackie out of California who creates recipes using craft beer, to ask what this maple beer would work best in. I had been scoping out her dessert recipes and was stymied. Her answer was something that should have been obvious - her Vanilla Bean Smoked Porter French Toast recipe. Simply substitute the Porter with the Imperial Maple Wheat. Check it out right here: Beeroness French Toast (Las Vegas Note: Seems pretty obvious to us. Are you certain you're Canadian?)

Stevil St Evil and his fancy new Spiegelau IPA glasses

Okay, a few shout-outs. First to coworker Marie whose son Mark gave my son David some Marvel superhero drinking glasses as a gift recently. While David loves them, they also are the perfect size for the 473-500ml single cans I often buy. Had some Nickel Brook Headstock IPA out of the Iron Man glass yesterday. Is that a perfect IPA glass? Hellz no... but it's the coolest. The perfect IPA glass would come from the German company Spiegelau and is being modelled to the right by my beer drinking comrade, Stevil St Evil. To see Stevil's home movie on the new glass, which is funny due to both his cat Squeak's constant interference and the gratuitous use of the word "butt plug", check out his home video here: Stevil's Newest Toy If you're interested here in Canada, Sears sells them. And finally, my former Beer Store co-worker Karolyn, has started her own blog, Confessional of a Former Fat Girl. Click on that link and navigate through by clicking on the underlined dates. It is a very clever, highly amusing look at life after a 100 pound weight loss. I remember when she was still in school, KC had to write a treatment script for The Big Bang Theory and I was one of the select few she sent it to. Holy crap, she had me in stitches reading it. Lemme tell you else - with her long naturally red hair and always-smiling prettiness, this young lady, who was always one of my favourite co-workers, absolutely rocked a Black Widow costume this past Halloween.

Well, that's it, that's all... I am outta here! Until next time (which will be in a few days), I remain...

German wheat beers in a class of their own

Flying Monkeys Stereo Vision American Kristall Wheat is
pretty damn good... except nothing BUT NOTHING
in this country matches a really good German weissbeer

When a German Duke enacted The Bavarian Purity Law back in 1493, it set the strictest brewing rules in the world at the time. And probably since. A strict German - what are the odds? Anyway, I have no idea what kind of power a Duke had in those days (more than brewers, clearly) but this dude's name was Duke George The Rich. I get the feeling the guy had a decently solid stockpile of Deutsche Marks in his piggy-bank because, well, his kinda-douchey name pretty much tells us that.

But there was actually noble method to Duke Rich George's madness. Men, women and children in those days quaffed back beer rather than water because the water systems in those days were pretty sketchy and with the average brew clocking at 1.5 to 3%, it was safer for the populace than chancing it with sludge water. But the Bavaria Purity Law made sure that Germans were getting properly-made beer by stating only three ingredients could be used in the brewing process: hops, barley and water.

Barney Stinson says: "Good German
weissbeers are legen - wheat for it - dary!"

Wheat and rye were excluded due to their scarcity and the fact the bread bakers needed them more. Notice something missing? Like say... yeast? Yup, that's because yeast hadn't been invented as a brewing/baking aid yet. So beer was left in open vats and waited for air-born yeast to settle into it. Anyone else glad they weren't drinking beer in 1493 Germany? Besides the gross idea of air-born yeast fermenting in your beer, you'd also be dead - so there's that, too. But damn, as a nation, they are serious about their beer so you gotta love that. Well, they also invented Oktoberfest so more beer-soaked love to them for that, too.

But eventually, rye and wheat were allowed in their beer brewing process and this is a very good thing. A high school buddy of mine, Haggis (nicknamed that back then due to his thick Scottish brogue), was in my store recently and was excitedly chatting about an upcoming trip to Europe for business. What he was most excited about? "There is NOTHING in this world like a good German wheat beer!"

I had my doubts. Based on the somewhat small selection of Canadian wheat beers I've had, it's not my favourite style. Plus should I accept the word of a high school friend who happily accepted us nicknaming him after sheep entrails? Molson created the Canadian Wheat last summer and while my co-workers all quite liked it, I thought it was 'meh'. Same for Big Rock Grasshopper Wheat Ale out of Calgary. To my mind, Flying Monkeys Stereo Vision American Kristall Wheat out of Barrie was a healthy huge step up from those two - it's like they're the only ones who tried - but I had come to accept that wheat beers just weren't my thing. There are so many other styles I seemed to prefer...

Weihenstephaner Hefe Weissbier: Not just
one of the best wheat beers in the world.
One of the best beers in the world... period!

Well, sonuvabitch, if Haggis wasn't right (and nothing from our high school days would have ever suggested that... for either of us, actually.) Out of a brewery in Freisling, Weihenstephaner Hefe Weissbier, a straight wheat beer, and Weihenstephaner Vitas, a single bock wheat, are two of the best beers I've ever had in my life. I'm a well-documented hop-head (that also had a very different definition during my and Haggis' high school days... just sayin') and wheat beers are pretty much the opposite of that. Both properly cloudy and darker in the case of Vitas (which spends extra time in the brewery's monastery basement), these two pack a full-bodied flavour with muted fruit overtones. These two smoked RateBeer.com with 99 and 98 respectively (I would have flipped those marks and given Vitas the edge).

Much the same result when I tried our three Hacker Pschorr beers out of  Munich, the Hefe Weisse, Munchener Gold and Munchner Kellerbier, respectively a wheat beer, a Dortmunder pils and a Zwickel lager. While I genuinely enjoyed the Gold and Kellerbier, the Hefe Weisse was light years ahead, according to my taste buds. That was pretty much back up by RateBeer with the Hefe Weisse being well into the 90s and the other two being much further back. However, when it came to the remaining wheat beers... well, this is where RateBeer and I parted ways.

German athlete Caroline Steffen celebrates winning the Datev Challenge
Roth triathlon back in July by pouring a big-ass Erdinger on her face.
Clearly, she has a drinking problem as she's completely missing her mouth!

Two German wheats that I also loved, Erdinger Weissbier, out of Erding and Schofferhofer Hefeweizen, out of Frankfurt, were given marks in the 50s and 60s - way too low, as far as I'm concerned. I now drink the Schofferhofer as much as I do my precious IPAs. Its bright orange 500ml can ($2.50) stands as a beacon in my fridge these days. (Not so much a beacon in my fridge these days - actual food.) To me, this pair was almost as good as the others.

Okay, here's where things get dodgy. Because I loved the German wheats so much, their lagers and pilseners fared less well with me which is odd because up until 6 months ago, lagers and pilseners were all I drank. I also had more room for food then but beer... uh, "research" takes up a lot of fridge space.

As German lagers/pilseners go, Hofbrau
Original pretty much set the benchmark

There were the usual suspects in this category... Dab Dortmunder, Radeberger Pilsner, Wernesgruner Pils, Bitburger Premium Pils, Spaten Munchen, Holsten Premium, Furstenberg Premium Pils and Krombacher Pils. These are all pretty decent beers but after the wheats? Sorry but the wheats are world-class, these are weak cousins by comparison. That said, I could happily recommend any of them to customers as they are probably fairly typical of the most popular German AND Canadian beer styles. However, for my money, Hofbrau Original was the best of that collective bunch. It had some extra character to its taste.

Interestingly enough, I thought both the Dab Maibock and Holsten Maibock weren't particularly strong either (far too light tasting and looking) but that the Holsten Festbock (though lowly-rated on RateBeer) packed a lovely punch as a full-bodied dark bock. And so you know Maibocks are called that because the only month they're brewed is May. No joke. There you go. Win a bar bet with that factoid. A really, really, really lame bar bet.

Breaking Bad beer... bitch, it's the bomb, yo! Made by Marble Brewing out
of Albuquerque, New Mexico (where the show was based), there's a
Heisenberg's Dark (black IPA) and a Walt's White Lies (white IPA)

So let's close up shop here with a shout-out. Since my blog brothers, Stevil St Evil and Glenn don't have fresh blogs since my last one (which was really just a few days ago), this blog's shout-out goes to my co-worker Marie who let me know Albuquerque craft brewer Marble Brewing has created TWO new IPAs in honour of the Breaking Bad's final season: a Heisenberg's Dark and a Walt's White Lies. Marie's closing out Season 3; I'm closing out Season 4 so don't tell us how it ends. Here's the link: Breaking Bad Beers
But I'm a little upset they didn't create a Jesse Pinkman This Shit Is Off The Hook, Yo IPA because he rocked that show so hard. Turns out the TV show used a lot of their beer during filming so they returned the favour. And two new IPAs that I've never tried??? Lemme at 'em! Not to mention my other co-worker Carter has made me aware of a double IPA from The Alchemist Brewery out of Waterbury, Vermont that's 120 IBUs, is 8% and scored 100 on both RateBeer and BeerAdvocate.com. It's called Heady Topper. If you need me, I'll be in Vermont... Okay, men, women and small beer drinking children from 1493 Germany, until next time, I remain...

So when is an IPA not really an IPA?

Not only is Keith's not an India
Pale Ale, I'm not even sure it's
an ale, period. Unless ale is
actually spelled "l-a-g-e-r" out
there in Halifax, Nova Scotia...

There seems to be some sort of online movement afoot to have Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale renamed. I can certainly understand why. Since IPAs are my beer style of choice these days, Keith's certainly doesn't measure up to the standards to which I hold a good IPA. (That's right, I used the word "I" and "standards" in the same sentence. Frankly, you should all be stunned that I have some... and less-than-shocked that my so-called "standards" pertain to beer...)

Okay, quick history recap: British ships sailing to India in the 1800s carried big-ass barrels of beer. Why? Because that's how countries made friends back in the 1800s. They got them drunk. Same as now but with ships. But the beer always arrived flat. Ask any guy in a frat house how many friends that's gonna score you. So British brewmasters discovered if you upped the hop level of the beer during its production, it would arrive in India fresh as a daisy... a beer-soaked daisy. A happy side-effect of this super-hopped joy juice was that British bar patrons thought, "Hey, this has some bite to it" and happily quaffed away until Jack The Ripper killed them. Well, if they were hookers. He seemed to leave everyone else alone. I'm not Sigmund Freud but I'm going to guess someone had Mommy Issues...

Okay, back to Keith's - so why the fuss? Well, present criteria for IPAs generally call for the beer to have at least 5.5% alcohol by volume (though most are over 6%) and anywhere in the range of 40 to 100 IBUs (international bitter units) which is what gives IPAs their tangy quality.

Flying Monkey Brewing founder and owner Peter Chiodo
holds up one of Canada's best IPAs, Smashbomb Atomic
IPA. This stuff makes you feel 10 times more super-clever...

Keith's, on the other hand, is only 5% and has an IBU of less than 20. And good luck finding out what its IBU is. The actual IBU of Keith's is written on a note in the left pocket of missing gangster Jimmy Hoffa - my guess? About 10 to 15. Beer purists argue, and I get this, that Keith's should not identify itself as an IPA. Indeed, when it is shipped to the United States, it is under the name Alexander Keith's Nova Scotia Style Pale Ale. Keith's, on the other hand, is resisting the notion of a name change, noting simply that they've been brewing it since the 1800s, calling it that since the 1800s and that the beer snobs are free to take a long walk off a short Nova Scotia pier. Was Keith's IPA an actual hop-driven IPA back in the 1800s that has simply been mellowed down to suit the generic tastes of the typical Canadian beer drinker? Possibly. Let's find a Nova Scotian who was of legal drinking age in 1850 and ask him, shall we?

Now THIS was an awesome American find!!! Founder's
Brewing, out of Grand Rapids, Michigan, make this
outstanding Centennial IPA. So good, it gave me wood.

Anyway, the brew-ha-ha (geezuz, that sounds familiar) has gotten to the point where a West Coast craft beer lover has started a petition, trying to force Keith's to change the name. This is the petition: Petition Against Keith's Despite the fact the petition is over a year old, only 188 have signed it - in a country of 34 million. Why? Because "who cares", that's why. My sole concern would be if it was getting shipped to the United States as Canada's leading-selling IPA. But it's not. So to the Americans reading this, let me just say this: Keith's is a large-selling, mass produced Canadian lager. Would I order one in a bar? Absolutely. It's a decent little beer, not an IPA but still good enough to get the job done. But I would also wanna know what the guy on the floor had been drinking so I could try that, too. As Molson's motto goes: An honest beer makes its own friends. And eventually, the floor becomes a familiar acquaintance. (Molson's might not have said that second part...)

The best part of Red Racer IPA from Central City
Brewing in Surrey, BC, is that it was created by a
friend of a friend. So it's my friend by association.

Anyway, since I attended the Roundhouse Craft Beer Festival in the summer, I have been on a Sacred Quest For Hops. You can read about that here: Don's Sacred Quest For Hops Unless you already have, then don't bother. It's not like I've added naked Oktoberfest pictures. (Or have I? Muah ha ha ha ha...) But regular readers know the two Canadian IPAs I love the most are Muskoka Brewery's Twice As Mad Tom Double IPA and Flying Monkey Brewing's Smashbomb Atomic IPA. So have I found similar hidden hoppy treasures since then? Well, of course, I have!! What, you think I sit on my thumbs all day? That would give me thumb arthritis and the thumb is a key and much-needed component in lifting a glass of beer.

First up is Grand Rapids, Michigan, brewery Founders which created its outstanding Centennial IPA. At 7.2% and an IBU of 65, this is a damn fine craft brewery IPA. RateBeer agrees, scoring it at 99, one point higher than Smashbomb Atomic and Twice As Mad Tom. Michigan, take a bow. You have a giant in your midst. The floral aroma, citrusy hops... all bang on.

Out of Kelowna, BC, Tree Brewing's Hop Head IPA is a
strong contender as one of the country's top IPAs

My New Zealand pal, Stevil St. Evil, has been long warning me to keep my eyes peeled for Red Racer IPA. Why? Well, during his bartending days in BC back in the 1980s, Stevil used to work with a chap named Gary Lohin, who then went onto a brew-pub in the 1990s and is currently the brewmaster of Central City Brewing in Surrey, BC. It was Gary who created Red Racer IPA. Stevil, living in NZ as he does, has never had it - it was created after his departure overseas. But I have. And it, too, is top of the class at 6.5% and an IBU of 80-plus. Kangeroos aren't this hoppy. Or delicious. (I assume.) Gary has made an absolutely dynamite beer (also 99 on RateBeer) that has seen numerous returns to the fridge in Donny's Bar and Grill.

A shout-out to my homies, Nickel Brook, parked down the
street and around the corner from me and their punchy
hop fix, Headstock IPA. Absolutely lovin' that it's local

Out of Kelowna, BC, Tree Brewing has created a winner with Hop Head IPA. At 5.8%, which is a little light, and an IBU of 64, this is a strong contender but a wee step lower on the challenger's list than the above-mentioned beer. And I do mean wee step. Don't get me wrong, it scored 95 on RateBeer so it's no slouch. It's just that the competition at the top is so strong. I am eagerly searching out their Hop Head Double IPA (8%, 90 IBU) because I suspect it could crack one of the top spots. Interestingly enough, I recently spotted a Hop Head Black IPA and grabbed a 650ml bottle. Made as a limited edition for the recent "Beer Me, BC" campaign, the one-off is 8.3% and a mind-numbing IBU of 161. The human palate can't even discern above 100. Wanna know what a black IPA with a ridiculously-high IBU level tastes like? IT TASTES LIKE A PORTER!!! Not a little, not a lot - exactly like a porter. I really loved it but like Keith's, it doesn't belong in this IPA edition of Brew Ha Ha! However, that said, it would be perfect for this Pulled Chicken Sliders recipe, courtesy of the Beeroness out of California. Check out that recipe here: Slow Cooker Beer Chicken Sliders... MMMMM

You can't call yourself Immortal when your IBU is a girly 42.
Zeus called - he wants the image of his hand holding a
lightning bolt removed from your packaging at once... if
that 42 IBU figure is correct. It might be 65. We're not sure

Gonna leave my last big shout-out to my home-boys at Nickel Brook Brewing here in Burlington for their Headstock IPA. It scored a little lower on RateBeer (90) but at 7.5% and a nifty 80 IBU, it's one of my favourites. A big part of that is that the brewery is a 10 minute drive from my casa. Like Smashbomb and Red Racer, I buy the stuff all the time. I love it. Okay, quickly wrapping this puppy up, both Amsterdam Boneshaker IPA out of Toronto (7.1%, 65 IBU) and Phillip's Brewing Hop Circle IPA out of Victoria, BC (6.5%, approx 65 IBU) are worth trying. I was warm enough to Elysian, The Immortal IPA out of Seattle but even at 6.3%, its IBU was a sissy 42... or it is 65? I've read both numbers from different sources, both connected to the brewery. (Pretty sure, it's 65 - I can kinda tell now.) And from there, the list went down. Two at the bottom in particular, Paddock Wood 606 IPA out of Saskatoon and Dead Elephant IPA out of St Thomas, Ontario were both dreary efforts. Their brewmasters would be drawn and quartered in ye olden days.

Next up, this weekend, in fact, Brew Ha Ha! FINALLY has its Germany beer in the spotlight. And people, there are some outstanding ones, particularly in a beer style that I am not a fan of in Canada. What style is that? Wait until the weekend. Don't be so damned impatient. Have a Red Racer IPA and chill...

Okay, shout-out... first on deck is New Zealand's own Stevil St Evil who has a very good reason to quaff back the brewskis. It seems after two major operations, his internal thermostat is set at Human Torch levels. Check it out here at: Is It Hot In Here... Or Is It Just Me? And I would like to give my homey, Glenn, a shout-out but I can't even find a recent blog from him... oh well, next time. Until then, I remain...