German Beers, Line 1... "Meh, put 'em on hold..."

Well, well, well, this was supposed to be my German beer blog, wasn't it? One problem. There's too damn many German beers in my fridge. And by "problem", I of course mean "totally awesome situation"... the 'other' working definition of "problem".

Look, I'm not saying German-brewed Dab is better than
Netherlands-brewed Heineken... Oh wait, yes, I am. I'm also
saying you're nuts if you pay $5 more for the Heineken keg

There's over 15 different German beers in my fridge right now and that's just Beer Store stock. The LCBO carries about nine others. So here's the 4-1-1... the German beer blog is started and saved. I've had a handful. Some were wicked awesome; others were Euro-backwash. So I will continue to add to that blog, saving it as I go along and then when it's done... *bam*... I'll hit that magic "publish" button and all at once, you'll have the blog that it took me over three weeks (and many many beers) to write.

One German beer blog hint? At our store, we have Heineken 5-litres kegs for $30 - so about 15 glasses of brew. We also recently got Dab Dortmunder Lager 5L kegs for $25. I'm not saying you're a fool to pay $5 more for the inferior Heineken. What I'm actually saying is just give me your credit cards because you shouldn't be allowed to make ANY decisions that involve beer and money. Oh, give me your credit card PIN, as well, because it's pretty much useless to me without that. Thanks...

If you drink this, you might get Lei-d

Now just because I am slowly slogging my way through numerous German beers, that doesn't mean I'm not sampling the fares of other countries... well, one country. My country... and its countless craft beer offerings. One unique bottle I noticed coming back in our empties was Spearhead's Hawaiian Style Pale Ale. Spearhead Brewing Company is based in Toronto so I instantly went to my Toronto craft beer expert, Melissa and asked her if she's had it. She had and gave it the big thumbs up so I hunted one down because, well, no one is as savvy about the Toronto craft beer market as young Mel. This might be one of the best pale ales I've ever had. At 60 IBUs (international bitterness units), it's got that hoppy kick I love but not jarringly so with ever-so-slight traces of fruits, notably pineapple because... duh, Hawaiian. In this bottle, we have a pale ale that surpasses my previous favourite, the damn tasty Flying Monkeys Hoptical Illusion Almost Pale Ale. AFTER I drink a beer, I like to see how it stacked up on RateBeer.com (so I'm not influenced). Hawaiian Style snared a 96... well-deserved!

Kids, it only looks scary. Believe me, it's not.

Okay, with the next offering, it was finally time to leave The Comfort Zone. I've been drinking lagers, pilsners, IPAs, ales, dark ales, strong beers and pretty much everything else since I started Brew Ha Ha! Everything except stouts or porters. Why? Unlike the others, these are so thick and black that Kim Kardashian wants to sleep with them. It was finally time to bust the cherry, so to speak (I'll spare you the obvious "20 years too late" Kardashian joke there). So co-worker Saga and I split a 6-pack of Mill Street Coffee Porter. Through the miracle of texting, we tried it at the same time, both of us going in with the same thought: "Is this going to be a three-sip and pour the rest down the drain beer?" It was not - quite the opposite, actually. We both liked it  - A LOT. Billed by Mill Street as the only coffee-flavoured beer in Ontario, this porter has hints of chocolate, coffee and is super-malty but with a touch of bitterness. To be honest, I could drink this anytime but with dessert especially! Boy, we have a winner there. In fact, there is a food blogger out of California, the Beeroness, who uses only craft beers in her recipes and could turn this into dessert. She has a recipe for "Pub Cookies" that Mill Street Coffee Porter would be perfect for. So if you want some beer to nicely flavour your home-made cookies, click right here for: The Beeroness' Pub Cookies  Oh, and after we tried it, I checked RateBeer... hey, a 91... not too shabby, Mill Street. (Noteworthy: Mill Street Coffee Porter is also Mel-Approved.)

Because apparently, if you can't get home for
Christmas, Satan will grant you a flying canoe??

Well, well, well... now here's a dangerous little offering - Unibroue's Maudite. While unloading a Sleeman's delivery, we became aware that the Beer Store five kilometres up the road sells this, where we do not. (Sleeman's has the distribution rights for Unibroue products). Granted, since Maudite is French for "the damned one", I'm a little surprised I haven't tried it before. To many people, my full first name is actually Goddammit Don. So I have that air of the damned, I suppose. Okay, this is one complex beer. There's dozens of little tastes coming out of this and I can't pinpoint one - maybe malt, maybe caramel, maybe honey... hell, maybe apple pie with whipped cream? (Saga said banana.) Like I said, this is one complex tasting beer. Don't let the high alcohol content (8%) spook you - the myriad of different tastes essentially mask it. And it's damn tasty. Granted, at 8%, it also tastes like "bad future decisions." As for those guys in the flying canoe on the label? Well, here's the scoop from Unibroue itself. Maudite is a Quebecois name, reminiscent of the legend of Chasse-Galerie (the flying canoe). Legend has it that a group of lumberjacks struck a deal with the Devil (also on the label) to fly home in their canoes, guided by Satan himself, to make it home in time for Christmas. Makes sense. I mean, why strike a deal with God? It's only His son's birthday, after all. Crazy Frenchmen... Oh and for the record, 99 on RateBeer.

Samuel L Jackson in Munich for Oktoberfest fun last
week. Growled the actor: "Say 'EIN PROSIT' again!!!"

And finally, I would be remiss if I didn't tell you all how that whole "My Boss Allison Saved A Man's Life" thing from my last blog turned out. The Town of Oakville employee, Ken, who keeled over in our parking lot from a heart 'episode' (not a full-on heart attack, we were told) is presently alive as can be in the Intensive Care Unit at our Oakville hospital and is making progress. Allison kept him alive with CPR until EMS showed but he wasn't breathing for more than five minutes so there's considerable rehab in his future. He is answering questions with yes and no head-shakes and recognizes all those near and dear to him. Speaking of which, while we were all waiting on pins and needles for answers about Ken, Allison heard first. A young man called her two days after the incident and identified himself as Ken's son. After introducing himself, his next sentence?

"I hear you're the woman who saved my father's life..."

Hey, we all teared up a little, hearing that. Very cool.

Okay, that's a wrap for this edition. As always, it's shout-out time. First, my blog brother Darryl (a.k.a Stevil St Evil) who hooked me up with the Beeroness website (she has some wicked food recipes that use nothing but craft beers - I'll be sharing many of them with you). Anyway, he hasn't written a fresh blog in a while but has an enormous archive so here's one on why he never believes someone who's hungover and utters: I'll Never Drink Again And of course, there's my other blog brother Darryl (a.k.a. Shwa Glenn) who also doesn't have a fresh blog (uhhhh... guys?) so here's a great look at his fatherly opinion of his son's heavy metal band that we'll simply call: I'm Not A Metal-Head!

And there you have it. Another one in the books... Until the next time, I remain...