As the classic Canadian bar band Goddo sang once a million years ago: ♫ Next verse is as worse as the first... ♫ (Granted, the song in question, "Sweet Thing" was, in hindsight, a lurid look at a 16-year-old girl which didn't strike me as odd since I was only 18... but the boys in the band were considerably older. I always wondered why Goddo never made it bigger. Turns out they probably weren't allowed out of the country.)

Yup, looks like I'm gonna keep writing this bad boy. Take that as either a treat or a threat... the only difference being one single 'h'. Now the beauty of writing a Beer Blog is that your buddies instantly start sending you goodies to insert. After Blog #1, that was precisely the case with my young bro, Robert Martin, who read it and fired off a "24 Things You Didn't Know About Beer" graphic to me. Some I did know, thanks to a stint at the Beer Academy in Toronto... but many I didn't know. And since my mother always taught me to share (my grandfather, to his credit, made sure I knew that dictate didn't extend to either girlfriends or beer), here's my Top-5 of the better Beer Facts you might not know...

Beer Fact #1: "Zythology is the study of beer and beer making, including the role that particular ingredients play in the brewing process." Is it just me or did anyone else assume that was the study of Zyths? Which, coincidentally, is how you pronounce "sixth" after your fifth pint.

Beer Fact #2: "Hops used in beer are from the same family of flowering plants as marijuana." Now we know how "Bud"weiser got its name.

Beer Fact #3: "Cenosillicaphobia is the fear of an empty beer glass." That figures. My biggest fear and I won't even be able to pronounce it because my glass is empty. Also the fact that it's my "zyth" empty glass-in-a-row. At that point, "hello" is hard to pronounce.

Beer Fact #4: "Beer prevents kidney stones. A study published in the American Journal of Epidemiology (what the hell is that exactly??) found that beer consumption was inversely associated with the risk of kidney stones in middle-age men. Each bottle of beer consumed per day lowered the risk by 40%." As Jesse says on Breaking Bad: "Science, bitch!" This is very cool news. Also noteworthy? Yesterday alone, I decreased my chances of kidney stone by 520%.

Beer Fact #5: In the 19th century, nursing mothers in Munich, Germany would drink up to 7 pints of beer a day under the belief that this was required in order to breast-feed their babies. So what we have here, if I understand this correctly is German mommies with boobs that are filled with beer?? That's not Munich... that's Nirvana to every man on this planet.

Okay, thank you, Robert! That's very cool. Robert will be reading this from his 6-month trip to New Zealand where I have connected him with my old college drinking buddy, Steve, who now resides in Wellington, N.Z. After they meet, I expect a two-day delay (for his initial recovery) whereupon Robert will either email me to say "Thanks, Donny!" or more likely "Why didn't you warn me about Steve, you asshole??" Hey, bro, you party with Steve, you either play or pay... but likely both.

This edition of Brew-Ha-Ha! is taking us out of the country and we will be making stops in Mexico and the Phillipines. Get your drinking passport ready, please...

Now I recognize the popularity of both Corona and Sol but if you want my opinion (and why wouldn't you - I'm Don The Beer Lover, dammit!), try these two: Dos Equis and Tecate.

Of the two, I give Dos Equis a slight edge in flavour and there's also a Dos Equis Amber which is truly a full-bodied brewski. But Tecate is not without charms of its own. Both beers are excellent and both are brewed by Cuauhtémoc-Moctezuma Brewery, by a major brewery based in Monterrey, Nuevo Leon, Mexico, The brewery was found in 1890 so it's not a new kid on the Mexican beer block.

As for Corona, which is far too light-tasting for me, well, it doesn't exactly need my seal of approval since it outsells Sol, Dos Equis and Tecate combined by a HUGE market-share. In North America (or at least my little corner of Canada), Corona is hugely popular with women - virtually tied with Coors Light as the beer of choice for the fairer sex. And when your "niche" market represents half the population, well, that's one helluva niche, isn't it? Granted, women tend to do girly things with their Corona - like add a slice of lime to it. If I ever saw a dude do that, I swear to you I would beat him unconscious with his own purse. Just sayin'...

Okay, this baby from the Phillipines, San Miguel Pale Pilsen, just landed in the Beer Store last week so I grabbed a six-pack and headed upstairs in my "luxury complex" to visit my neighbours, Amy and Simon, so I could get their opinions, too. Amy and I go wayyyy back to my Mississauga Beer Store days back in the 1990s. Actually, the entire 1990s since I worked part-time from 1991 to 2000 there. I would say those were quiet and productive days for us but frankly, I think by 2000, head office created stricter rules just to corral people like her and me. Those were wild days. Simon is Amy's British hubby who she met while overseas in the U.K. She brought him back as a souvenir and well, he just stayed until they got hitched last month.

So when I hiked upstairs with this little treat from the San Miguel Brewery,  which has an astonishing 95% market-share of the Filipino beer drinkers, I suspected a little surprise. As usual, with Amy and Simon, there were no surprises. Being world travellers, they were more than familiar with it. "Ohmigawd, I love that beer!" gushed Amy before regaling me with tales of small tiny backwater bar in God-Knows-Where that she and Simon used to drink it on tap. Suffice it to say, the San Miguel was a big hit and a pleasant surprise for me. It was delicious. Okay, time to sign off. So let's end this frat party with another famous beer quote from Dave Berry, the Miami-based syndicated humour columnist...

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza..."

True dat, Dave. Until next time, keep your glasses full, my friends... no one wants to see you get a bad case of  Cenosillicaphobia!!!! Cheers!

THEY ALWAYS SAY... you should write what you know about...

Well, lessee, I know my son, David, pretty well... I know supermodels pretty well... I know comic books pretty well... and I know beer pretty well...

Gotta admit, after a half-century on this mud-ball, that's about it. Seriously. I mean, I could write about everything I know and understand about women, I suppose. But the blog would end... RIGHT HERE! Good news, boys, we're not supposed to understand them. I don't think even they expect us to... Except when they're mad, which in my case, seems to be a fair bit. Not sure why. I'm a frikkin saint. Honestly. Ask the Pope - he'll tell you. The new Pope, not the old one. I owe the old one money. Never play Texas Hold 'Em Poker against the Pope. You'd think with all that Pope stuff 24/7, he'd be crappy at it. He's not. Dude's a shark and he cheats. Plus I'm banned from the Vatican now. But that's a different thing.

Anyway, dragging myself screaming and yelling back on topic, I could write about my boy, David. Unfortunately, Honey Boo Boo has pretty much torched the paths of all proud parents. Five minutes of that show and I started drinking bleach, just to make everything go away.

Then there's the supermodels but Kate Upton has that restraining order against me... and when you take the biggest player off the supermodel blog game-board, it's a much duller read. Also, far less... uh, bouncy. As I told the police, "Look, it wasn't me. Though I will agree, dude looked a lot like me. Yes, yes, I heard you: 'remarkably so'..."

Brings us to comic books. The problem is there's thousands of comic book blogs out there. I have no doubts I could add some colour to that community. One problem, though. Their followers are... what's the clinical term for this?... oh, yeah, frikkin' insane. One slip-up and the Geek Goons descend on you like locusts and give you a trashing, much like the Loki-lead Chitauri drones did the New York City in The Avengers. And unlike Tony Stark, I don't have a nuke warhead to lob at the Geek Goons' mothership, which, in turn, would see them all drop like stones. I would say that was, well, convenient... but where I'm concerned, director Joss Whedon can do no wrong and it's my favourite flick pretty much of all time so...

That leaves beer. At this point I should probably tell you that after nearly 30 years of Journalism, mostly in community newspapers, all of which crashed and burned like, well, the Chitauri drones, I have spent the last 5 years at the Beer Store, plus another 14 years there part-time during my newspaper days. Does that make me some sort of "beer expert"? Hell no. I just sell the stuff. Well, let's be honest... it sells itself. However, my 30-plus years of drinking beer means I've have more than a fair few and I have that sort of practical hands-on beer experience that money can't buy. Although, technically, money did buy that beer.

So beer it is. For this blog... and at this precise moment for me. Writin' is thirsty work! True story. William Shakespeare was constantly pounding the mead while writing his critically-acclaimed novels. That's why we can't understand half of it. Forsooth, homeys!  So for all intents and purposes, this blog is written by Don The Beer Lover.

ENOUGH OF THE JIBBA-JABBA... as Mr T used to say. Let's get this frat party started.

Okay, anyone who knows their beer knows the latest trend is towards making funky hops beer. In the past month, four have been released to the unwashed masses and naturally, in the name of Science, I have tried all four. (Science gets blamed for the damnedest stuff...) Alexander Keith's got the ball rolling with their single-hop beers, Alexander Keith's Hallertauer and Cascade Hops beers. Creemore Springs Brewery quickly followed suit with Hops and Bolts India Pale Ale and the cleverly-named Sunny and Share Citrus. The two Creemore beers were released under the brewery's own subsiduary (suds-siduary?) Mad and Noisy Brewing - a nod to the fact that the Creemore Brewery is nestled at the basin where Mad River and Noisy River connect in Creemore, Ontario.

Here's what they look like...

Okay, I have tried all four and each has its own distinct thing going for it. The Keith's Cascade, made with hops from BC, has that citrusy flavour that's nice on a hot summer day. Creemore's Sunny and Share has pretty much the same thing going for it. The nod I would give Sunny and Share? Slightly less citrus. Not a huge fan of flavoured beers although I believe they have their time and place. Their time is when it's scorching out and their place is a hopping (you see what I did there?) patio bar, preferably served by a pretty young waitress. Or if you're a woman patron, I guess maybe served by a Chippendale dancer? No, fireman! Ladies dig firemen.

Onto the Hallertauer and Hops and Bolts, then. Both are super-hoppy. By that, I mean, if you can imbibe four or five of your regular fare - Coors Light, Canadian, Blue, Bud, whatever - and this two will still kick the crap out of your tastebuds with the first sip. Hops and Bolts has a very distinct bitter taste and after-taste (very European) which is is interesting because the Hallertauer hops are actually from Germany. I liked both but so far of the four, both me and my clever young co-worker, Saga, gave the Hallertauer the biggest thumbs up. It's really good!

That said, everyone has different tastes. I already know the Sunny and Share and Cascade beers will go over well for the ladies. So try all four. It's fun exploring new things... and you'll have 4 beers in you, which is a helluva start.

Okay, this has been overly-long so I'm gonna sign off. But before I do, I have to give a big thumbs up to my old college buddy, Steve Cossaboom, who helped me set up this blog, to the point of even creating the Brew-Ha-Ha! logo at the top. His blog, 5 Foot 19, (a nod to his height) is pretty damn funny and can be seen here: http://5foot19.blogspot.co.nz/

As a nod to my Irish roots, here's an old Irish toast to end with:
Here's to a long life and a merry one,
A quick death and an easy one,
A pretty girl and an honest one,
A cold pint and another one!!!

Slainte, homeys! The next one will be shorter. I promise!