The calm amidst the storm...

There was one keyboard warrior who DMed me
but just would not shut up about my last blog on
Flying Monkeys' Sparklepuff. Basically called
me every name in the book but I tell you this.
I'm gonna "miss" him now that he's blocked.

Some interesting reaction following my last one, which looked at the controversial Flying Monkeys' Sparklepuff Triple IPA.

For my friends, Drunk Polkaroo and Linda Beer, it seem to further spur the intensity of their battle against the beer's obvious inconsistencies (some great, some straight-up drain pours), with both being adamant that the beer should have been recalled. Based on the pictures of mine (all great) and the pictures of others (nasty looking), it's impossible to deny that. The pictures in the blog told A Tale Of Two Beers, rather than one.

As a homebrewer, Linda, who got a really bad one, was adamant that the beer never should have been released but since it was, should have been recalled the instant trouble was spotted. Polk, one of Ontario's most respected beer writers and videographers, got two good ones but felt likewise and was abhorred with the brewery's lack of reaction and continued distribution of a beer that he felt is, at best, a 50/50 shot. And they both agreed on one thing. The brewery was now off their radar, if not forever, certainly for a long while to come.

But it was a couple of DMs inboxed to me that caught my attention, more so. One was a woman who asked why I continued to post the beer's picture when I knew there were bad ones out there. Well, because I never got a bad one, I told her.

Fair enough, she said, "But it looked like you were bragging about #30 still being perfect while others were getting horrible ones. Isn't that a little inconsiderate? You were promoting a beer that could be a disaster for someone else."

Just as I was about to answer, I stopped. She was right. Certainly not my intention but, well, we all know that phrase about good intentions and the road to Hell. So I responded, telling her she was absolutely right. While I thought I was posting about my luck, I might have been seen as something of a dickhead to those who got clunkers. I thanked her for pointing that out because I had missed that perception completely. Okay, I now know I can be a clueless dickhead.

What started as a turbulent night took a 180 degree turn when Twitter
friend Leo Roose posted this picture of a 1965 can display pegboard
from the Red Lake Brewers Retail. It stopped all of us cold, turning
Friday evening into a night of nostalgic memories for many of us...

Her response? "Thank you for listening. It feels nice to know I've been heard. Don't beat yourself up. We all make mistakes." I like her. She was calm, reasonable, rational and showed me civilly where my mistake might lay.

As opposed to the man in my DMs who wanted to slay me in my sleep. He started off with me being a corporate stooge, Beer Store moron and the brewery's asshole shill. And that was just the beginning. No idea who he was. He had an anonymous name like XD117 (not that but like that) but we followed each other. That said, I follow over 1,300 people and am followed by over 1,100. Suffice it to say, I don't know most.

It's Leo on the left with a server on Trestle Brewing's
(Parry Sound) Grand Opening Day in June 2018. As a
14-year citizen of Parry Sound with his wife (they just
celebrated their 30th anniversary!!), Leo was pretty
pumped to see a craft brewery opening in his town.

I did try to answer him but he wasn't there to listen. He was there to yell through his keyboard. But just as R2D2 (or whatever) was really getting started, I got instantly sidetracked.

Twitter friend Leo Roose (@leo_rooster) posted a picture of his 1965 can display pegboard from a Brewers Retail (what the Beer Store used to be called) in Red Lake, Ontario. Yes, 1965, as in 54 years old. And he tagged me on the picture, thinking as a Beer Store employee, I might be interested in this piece from past. Uhhh, yeah. I needed a decent distraction from C3PO anyway.

Now before we get into Leo and his 3,000 vintage mostly Canadian beer can collection (Cottage Life filmed a piece on him and I'll include it at the end), lemme travel in a different direction for a minute.

I retweeted it to my Twitter page so friends could see it and holy crap, it stoked a lot of memories from Twitter friends. Now there are only 22 cans on that board because at the time, the cans were made of steel and drinkers believed that left a metallic taste in their mouths. So maybe 5% of sales at that point were cans. Everyone mostly stuck with bottles.

Of all the cans on that pegboard, this was
the one that hit me in ALL the feels. This
is the beer my Bumpa Ernie (my Mom's
father) drank when he lived with us from
1964 to 1968, the year he died. He sure
loved his Labatt's IPA. I really miss him.

Three beers on that pegboard got almost all of the attention on Friday night - the Labatt's IPA, the Labatt's Crystal and the Molson Golden Ale. Let's start with the Labatt's IPA, long since discontinued.

In 1963, we moved into our Oakville home when I was still a pre-schooler. Within a year, my Mom's mother died and it was decided that my Bumpa Ernie would leave Winnipeg to come live with us. My late father was a distant, perhaps even disinterested, parent but it didn't matter because my Mom was great. But when Bumpa arrived, I finally had an adult male to follow around and man, did I ever. If he was out back chopping wood, I was 10 feet away, asking him how he did it. I helped him stack the wood, taking the smaller pieces. I became his little sidekick, never far away. My favourite memory was curling up in his lap, his big arm around me as he smoked his pipe. I loved watching the smoke dance and twist as it rose. I loved the smell. It was Bumpa - so named because my oldest niece as an infant was trying to say Grampa but Bumpa came out. It stuck. His favourite beer was Labatt's IPA. When I saw it on Leo's pegboard, Bumpa was my first thought. He died in 1968 but the imprint of the life lessons he taught me and the affection he showed me were by then firmly entrenched within me, even though I was still a youngster. A great man, a legend to a small boy.

But I wasn't the only one with a grandfather who loved the beer. Beer blogger-vlogger Adam Kemp (@thebrewhead) jumped in to say he remembered his "Papa" drinking it.

Molson's big switcheroo on the Golden fans was changing
it from an ale to a lager. According the Stephen Beaumont,
it happened in 1983-84 and a lot of people were not happy.

As did my college buddy, Steve, now living in New Zealand. "That's the IPA me ol' Grand-dad drank, too. He always said it was the only beer among the Brewers Retail swill at the time that had any flavour."

Next on deck, let's look at the Molson Golden. Seeing the beer created a lively talk between myself and Chris, (@IcemanFTW) who remembered the Golden cans from his Summers at his aunt and uncle's cottage. We talking about how the brewery switched it from an ale to a lager, much to the chagrin of Golden fans. Lagers were by far the favourite style at the time of the switch so Molson, already having Export as a huge-selling ale, revamped Golden into a lager, hoping to follow in the huge sales footprint of Canadian. It was a mistake. I said to Chris, "All the original Golden fans were going WTF?" He remembered that all too well.

Leo says this pristine Labatt's Blue can, then
called Pilsener, can get about $200 on ebay
since less than 2% of beer was canned back
in the late-1950s. That makes this a super
rare find, especially in such good condition.

"I want to say that was when my family switched to drinking Export. Mid-80's, right?"

At this point, the Dean of Canadian Beer Writing and multi-published author Stephen Beaumont (Mr. @beaumontdrinks - I always preface it with Mr out of deference) stepped in. "Yeah, it was the mid-1980s. Maybe 1983, '84 or so. I had a friend who was one of the WTF people. Switched brands immediately." 

And finally, Labatt's Crystal garnered some attention. I asked if Labatt's even still made it as I haven't seen in in the GTA for maybe four or five years.

My friend, Raeci Jane, (@raeraegck), who works at a Beer Store in Thunder Bay, was quick with the answer. "Fun fact: A couple of years ago, Labatt's planned on pulling Crystal from its line-up. Thunder Bay threw a 'Save Labatt's Crystal' Party and singlehandedly kept it around. The Beer Store here still brings in pallets every week and it is one of our most popular value brands." It's beautiful when a town can pull together like that. And the cause is beer.

Added Brayden, (@braydenmoore1) also from the Thunder Bay area, "I'm stunned that Crystal ISN'T popular in other places. It's ubiquitous up here." Even as a dedicated craft drinker, he noted, "I'm not ashamed to say that I've bought a case or two over my lifetime."

The Beer That Thunder Bay Saved! Here's
an old-school Labatt's Crystal, circa 1967 or
so. Labatt's was ready to lay it to rest but
Thunder Bay was having none of that bull.

So those were the main topics on conversation on Friday night but I would be remiss if I didn't mention a comment from Steve of South Ontario Beer Boys (@SOBeerBoys) who spotted a Black Label can on that pegboard. "Black Label... first beer consumed at 14... errr, 16... I mean 19. Yeah, that's when it was." I suspect we can all relate.

So how about Leo Roose, the guy that kicked off a great and lively night of conversation and memories with a photo of a Brewers Retail pegboard display from 1965 while TMX465 was busy burning up my inbox with an angry diatribe?

First up? How did he get a 1965 can display pegboard from the Red Lake Brewers Retail in the first place?

"It was Eugene Drominski, who was then the retired Beer Store Manager in Red Lake." (Red Lake is in north-west Ontario - think halfway between Thunder Bay and Kenora.) "It was he who saved it from the dumpster. I heard he might have it so I went and knocked on his door."

Okay, Pop Quiz, hotshots. This is the Molson Canadian
5-litre bubba from around 2000 or so. The LCBO was
upset with a part of Step 3 where it says, "Turn the keg
over..." And? Well, Molson employees had to cross the
words out with black magic marker. What was the rest
of Part 3? "...and you're ready to party." Whoa. Leo
says they felt it encouraged drunkenness. But he got a
very rare bubba here. Subsequent ones omitted the
"ready to party." Because bubba's were meant to sip.

And did he just give it to you? "No, I paid $100 for it but a few cans on there are quite rare so it was a bargain price. All of those cans were attached. I didn't alter or change them. The Beer Store did as labels changed over the years. I sure wish I had all the original cans."

As the guy who is basically the Stephen Beaumont of Canadian beer cans with well over 3,000 in his collection, Leo knows what cans changed during that pegboard's life and which remained.

"I'm guessing it hung on the wall for about six to seven years. In that time, the Crystal, IPA, Holiday, Cincinnati and Blended changed their designs." Seriously? He knows that? Yes, he does. But there's an awesome seven minute video at the end that you have to watch. This dude loves his beer... cans.

Anyway, Friday night was a blast with more than two dozen of us weighing in on beers that were on that 1965 Red Lake Brewers Retail can display pegboard. And believe me, Leo was in the thick of things.

"I enjoyed the feedback that followed. I could talk beer cans forever." A simple Twitter post to a stranger and it was the best Friday night I have had in quite some time.

As for STD1707? Well, I went back and read it eventually. It was quite lengthy and he demanded to know why I wasn't responding. Because I was having fun, PDQ548. My favourite insult, though? That I'm a Douche Nozzle. I'm afraid to Google it to see if it's a real thing. But I loved that one. Anyway, I unfollowed and blocked FLQ1908. Turns out the guy was something of a douche nozzle. Such a shame. But here's that video of our man Leo Roose which I have entitled: I Love Beer Cans, Man... Watch it. There's a test. But Scooby Doo Gang, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain...

 

Sparklepuff... or Sparklechunks??

This is what my now 32 Sparklepuff Triple IPAs have all
looked like. This was the fugliest one I could find in my
photo folder. Orange juice looking, white floaties. I actually
assumed the floaties were peach puree given the taste but
have been told since it's likely yeast and other brewing bits.

At this point, I can only assume I'm the luckiest man in Ontario. Have I won like a $50 million Lotto-Max? Hell, no! Or I would be writing this from my permanent residence in Las Vegas.

I am referring to the Flying Monkeys' Sparklepuff Triple IPA Sweepstakes. I'm 32 beers in and I've never had a bad one. True story. Mine have all had the consistency of orange juice, a handful of white floaties and were as tasty as hell. And at 10.2%, several have knocked me flat on my ass. My ass is already flat so we're not exactly talking Buns of Steel here. Buns of Tapioca, maybe.

The release of Sparklepuff in early-February had a lot of us excited. High-regarded brewery, Triple IPA... we was pumped, I tells ya. No one more so than my pal, Steve from Southern Ontario Beer Boys. When we connected at Wellington Brewing on February 9th for the launch of our 5 out of 5 Foreign Extra Stout, which is chockful of Smoked Barley Flake goodness, thanks to my and Tiffany's (@travellingpint) overpour of the malt, no one was more pumped for the release than Steve.

This was Steve's first - and only - pour of Sparklepuff,
which he instantly christened #SparkleChunks. Okay,
mine get a handful of floaties but this is a different cat
altogether. He actually kinda sullied his glass with this.

He marvelled that it was likely the most talked-about craft beer release on Instagram for the previous 24 hours. That would soon change. But we'll get there in a second. On the weekend of the release, someone posted a picture on Twitter of their Sparklepuff. I saved the photo and even tagged it with the guy's name but for the life of me cannot find it. I've tried scrolling back on my notifications and it takes me hours to go back even a week. My friends and I are more active on Twitter than I realized.

However, let me describe it best I can. It looked like a half-pour of pure white sediment surrounded by thin orange goop. It was disgusting. Calling it a drain-pour doesn't even apply because you'd be afraid of what would happen to your plumbing. There are some things even industrial-strength Drano cannot handle. And since sewer-pours are highly illegal in Ontario, this is a matter only a toilet could deal with. Good luck with that, local Sewage Treatment Plant. That said, I encouraged him to open his second because I wanted to see if lightning would strike twice. His second looked exactly like Steve's on the left. Not exactly the prettiest at the prom.

The reaction to his picture on Twitter was, like the movies, both fast and furious, emphasis on the latter. But that, too, is the nature of Twitter. To wit, if a woman posts a picture of her new hairstyle on Facebook, she instantly gets 107 likes and 90-plus comments about how beautiful she is. Post that same picture on Twitter and the response from unknown strangers half a world away is more likely to be "I hope you didn't pay cash for that" or "Did they use a weed-whacker?" After that guy's pic, there were practically calls for Flying Monkeys excommunication from the Ontario craft beer industry.

Twitter buddy Dave D did this and it's pretty funny. Also, it has Batman
in it so you immediately have my attention. Watch your mouth, Robin!

Certainly, the word "boycott" popped up numerous times, as did "recall."

But that one photo was not an aberration. Instantly, Linda, a friend and a home-brewer in Durham, was on there, saying she had to filter hers or it would have been undrinkable. Even with that, she didn't think much of the taste. And she comes armed with beer filters that most of us do not have. When it's someone you know, suddenly, things become a little more credible.

And then it kept happening. Steve from Southern Ontario Beer Boys posted his nasty-ass pic. Jane, a Beer Store friend from Thunder bay, said hers was just as bad. Young Josh, a member of the Craft Brewery Touring Brew Crew, posted his pic. As bad as Steve's. Finally, Ontario Craft Beer posted a half-glass of sediment, which I'll show further down.

Four-time Ontario Beer Writer of the Year Ben Johnson
crafted up this clever meme while voicing his disapproval
of beer with literal chunks in it. As usual, he wasn't shy.

But at the same time, a very large portion of us were getting ones that were not only perfectly fine but damn delicious. Myself, the Ottawa Craft Beer Mafia of Joel, Matt and Ben, the Sudbury Craft Beer Mafia of Danny and... oh, I guess Stompin' Tom? And many others.

But the dissenting voices continued on, lead by not one but two Ontario Beer Writers of the Year - four-time winner Ben Johnson and last year's winner Drunk Polkaroo. Polk was on board the Good Ship Sparklepuff in his video but that's simply because he got two good ones. When he saw Steve's and other photos, he called out the lack of consistency in the beer and suggested a total recall was in order.

Okay, this was just damn funny. Ben Johnson created this
dystopian movie storyboard and solemnly intoned: "Much
to everyone's surprise, the Canadian Beer Wars started
with divisions along arbitrary distinctions of 'macro' vs
'craft' but rather, it was a disagreement triggered by a
single word that caused neighbours to take up arms
against neighbours. That word was 'Sparklepuff'." Okay,
I actually laughed out loud when I saw this. Very clever!

Johnson, know for his blunt but well-crafted technical writing style balanced with a sly and dry wit, didn't hold back. "F**k this! Chunks aren't 'normal.' Brewers: you are in the beverage-making business. No one wants chunky beverages. If you can't do hazy properly, don't try. Enough of this Sparklepuff bullshit."

Keep in mind, these are the only two people who have won Ontario Beer Writer of the Year. And they both make a valid point. This beer is $5 a can and if I got one like Steve's, I would not be a happy camper. I am not a critical person in the very least but I would rail loudly against accidentally buying a Sparklechunks.

This was Ontario Craft Beer's Sparklepuff, a pretty
clear divide between liquid and sediment. Now I did
have one like this except it sat on my table for three
hours when I nodded off during Season 4 of Gotham.
My solution? Stirred it with my finger and finished it.
Also don't take my nap as indicative of the show. It's
finally getting decent. Batman is now an older teen
and the iconic villains are actually getting dangerous.

So what happened? Why are some so great while other's are a dog's breakfast? What's at the core of this fast polarizing beverage? For these answers, we went straight to Flying Monkeys co-owner Andrea Chiodo.

Short answer? They don't know. Longer answer? Let's go. "(Manager of Brewing Operations) Sebastian's (MacIntosh) brewers have been out of their minds (over the issue.) They love this beer above all others! We have not had any cans that look like these weirder pictures and we have been buying it in different places."

Quick pause. After first buying eight Sparklepuffs while in Guelph, the remaining 24 have been from different LCBOs in the Oakville, two or four at a time, spread out over weeks now. All the same.

Back to Andrea: "I wish we did get a 'pasta barf'' or a 'fish food' one. We could get to the bottom of it. We even kept a few in our incubator, then cooled it to see if temperature was an issue. Nothing happened. Just some yeasty sediment but nothing alarming. We haven't discovered any flaw that demands a recall or anything. We have an incredible lab and the PCR (think: quality control) tests show no marker for any issues."

Telling my buddy, Danny, up in Sudbury, that I was
on Sparklepuff #30 without incident, I posted this
photo on my Twitter. Oops my bad. Flying Monkeys
immediately wanted to know, "How did you get the
prototype for Ramenpuff?" That's my little secret!

So, in essence, they're still baffled. Andrea continued, "Obviously, there are a few (nasty ones) out there, which is disturbing but it's an unfiltered, natural product." You can see the response to that by some in the Batman meme above. And when you have respected Ontario beer writers like Ben and Polk coming down hard on you, that's gonna leave a mark.

But is the damage done beyond repair? Tough to say. Obviously those who shelled out $5 for a nasty-ass one won't purchase another. However, Steve made it clear he was simply unhappy with the beer, not the brewery, stating he would stick to their Juicy Ass IPA, instead. Me? Hey, 32 straight great ones and I'm kind of the point where I'm dying to get a Sparklechunks! That's just how poorly my brain is wired. Also to my thinking, there's "I got a bad beer" angry and "Flint, Michigan still doesn't have clean drinking water but hey, I also got a bad beer" angry. I lean towards the latter.

However, Andrea made it clear that if anyone had an issue, they should contact the brewery directly through their website. Linda said she was going to do precisely that. Says Andrea, "I always joyfully reimburse anyone who is unhappy. We want everyone to be thrilled with every beer we make."

Twitter friend Brad Seftel was there for
the Sparklepuff launch at Beertown in
Waterloo, posting this pic and noting
it was still pretty damn good (like me,
he's had luck) but he prefers the cans.

As of two weeks ago when we first talked, Andrea said eight customers wanted replacements. A few others contacted them just to be sure they weren't gonna get poisoned by the brew.

So long story short, they're gonna keep trying, tweaking filters and what-have-you. She noted, "We're no social media gurus and ultimately, we have a beer to brew. And fix, too, apparently." 

But, of course, I had to know: What's it like when beer lovers are screaming for your hide over a solid weekend? She noted that, first and foremost, she felt badly for the brewers who had worked hard on and loved the project. "I tell you, though, a lot of these internet posts can make anybody feel like the unpopular 15-year-old girl who shit in the pool at her first high school party." Is it just me or is that an oddly specific example of being mortified?? (Kidding, Andrea! But if you ever wanna talk... you know.) And when the Triple IPA was kegged and sent out to Beertowns in Burlington, Cambridge, London, Waterloo and the Sociable in Brantford, Flying Monkeys not only didn't downplay the controversy, they tried to have some fun with it, noting, "DRAUGHT EXCLUSIVE at BEERTOWN! Only the best or worst beer we've ever made! Good Kitty? Bad Kitty? You decide."

Other than the Sparklechunks, if there was a slip-up on the brewery's end, it's that they didn't jump in quickly enough, opting to wait a few days before comment. Ideally, it's best to douse the social media flames when the fire is just starting.

When my Oakville friend, Kim, posted this picture of
Muskoka's Black Thunder Milkshake IPA, looking
all funky chunky, the brewery's social media rep,
Sarah, was on the matter within seconds. THAT is
how you handle a quality control issue. Quickly!!!

Or at least try to deal with them. Granted, in this case, given the astounding speed in which matters escalated, it might be considered a "Christians in the Lions' Den" scenario at best.

That said, let me point out an example of how speedily dealing with a bad beer still maintained a customer's good will. A couple of weekends back, Oakville friend, Kim R-W (she literally works up the street from me) got a pretty funky pour of Muskoka Brewing's new Black Thunder Raspberry Milkshake IPA. Trust me, ALL of mine have been a clear red (and really tasty) pours. So she posted it on Twitter and asked something like, "Is it supposed to look like this?" I immediately jumped on to respond, making sure I tagged Muskoka. Within a minute, Sarah Girdwood, the brewery's Digital Marketing Specialist (so also all social media) responded, saying, no, that looked wrong and asking Kim to contact her so they could rectify things immediately. Kim was thrilled. Sarah fixed things. All's well... But Sarah's speed on the issue? Even The Flash would have been saying, "Wait? Who the hell just ran past me?" Social media is the most instantaneous form of communication we have ever seen in the entire history of the world. You gotta take advantage of that. Sarah did. But Scooby Doo Gang, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain...

Snow in Las Vegas? It's a crazy place

I left Las Vegas in the mid-afternoon on February 20 on my flight
back to Toronto. This is what happened on the strip that same night
at about 9 pm. Snow in Las Vegas. What a lot of people don't seem
to get about deserts is that, yeah, they're very hot during the day
but at night, they can get damn cold. But this US National Weather
Bureau photo shows us a Winter story about Fabulous Las Vegas...

Quote #1: "You shouldn't play hockey in the desert."
Quote #2: "You don't have to shovel the heat."

So you know (though not that it's particularly relevant), these quotes are in chronological order.

Quote #1 was the rallying cry from hockey purists after Las Vegas received an NHL franchise on June 22, 2016 - a team that would begin in the 2017-2018 NHL season. The reason I suspect many Canadians may have been upset was that Quebec City, which also had a franchise bid in, was declined that same day. I gotta assume most American hockey fans wouldn't give a rat's wet fart if Quebec City got a team or not. Granted, I wanted both cities to get a team but if only one could, I gotta be honest, I was hoping for Vegas because any excuse to catch a plane to Sin City works for me. That's not to say that "no hockey in desert" quote only came from Canadians. Let's not rule out our northern American hockey fans, who, weather-wise, frankly, have a lot more in common with Canada than the NHL fans in, say, Florida, Arizona, California, Texas and now Nevada.

Usually I book my stay in the Excalibur Hotel
and Casino. This visit, I bunked at The LINQ.
Why? It was $10 cheaper a night and far more
importantly, it's right beside the esplanade where
the Yard House is located. The Yard House has
170 taps of the best craft beer available in Vegas.

So you know, Quote #2 absolutely came from a fellow Canadian when I was in Vegas last October. This gentleman from Wasaga Beach, Ontario and I both found ourselves having a morning smoke and a coffee outside Excalibur Resort and Casino on a beautiful sunny morning. He was recounting how when he just left his scenic town, the snow was falling for the first time last year. So basically, the same Winter we're still in but technically, Autumn of last year when we were talking. After taking a sip of his coffee, he looked at me and said, "The best thing about Vegas is that you don't have to shovel the heat." Indeed, it was gorgeous out, even at 9 am, sitting 22C (72F) and destined to get warmer as the day rolled along.

Well, at this point, I have to say both quotes are factually incorrect. You see, I was in Las Vegas from February 12 to 20 to see the Maple Leafs battle the Golden Knights on my birthday - February 14th. Some of you may recall last year I also traveled down there to see my Maple Leafs play the Golden Knights for the first time ever on December 31, 2017. I love going to Las Vegas and I especially love watching my Maple Leafs in Sin City. After my son, my two biggest loves. And to be frank, it is far easier for me to get a ticket to see the Leafs down in Sin City than it is to see the Leafs play any team - even the shitty ones - up here in Toronto!

My man, Justin, gives a double thumbs-up to my
choice of a Big Sky Brewing (Missoula, Montana)
Shake-A-Day IPA at the Yard House in The LINQ
Esplanade beside the hotel. The 6.5%, 75 IBU beer
has a great fruity nose and pine back-end. Tasty!

Even taking into account the American-Canadian money exchange, it's cheaper in Vegas. No joke.

But the reason the two opening statements are factually incorrect is this. On the night I flew home, it snowed in Vegas. So much for the hot, dry desert theory. Further to that, in some parts of the higher elevations around the city, they got as much as eight inches. So much for the not shoveling theory. I'm glad I beat the snow by about six hours because flights were delayed two and three hours. Beyond that, I went to Vegas to get out of the goddamn snow!

Okay so let's get the hockey portion of this out of the way. The first time I went, Vegas whomped my Leafs by a 6-3 score. This time, we thumped Vegas by an exact same 6-3 margin. In a city built on the phrase "The House Has The Advantage," that's about as Even Steven as it gets. And I love the enthusiasm of the Vegas fans, always cheering, always applauding, just happy to be at the NHL Party Table. And the pageantry? Holy shit, they have a lot of fun in the T-Mobile Arena during a game. They have knights on skates, a whole section on the north end of the arena is a platform with ongoing entertainment throughout the evening - kings, queens, royal proclamations, just wild stuff. A great environment, lots of families, lots of kids. This IS a great hockey town! Their fans kill it!

The happy Leaf couple were all smiles after the big 6-3
win in the T-Mobile Arena on February 14th. And hey,
a pretty nice birthday present for old Donny Boy, too!

The best thing about Vegas having a team is that the tourists come from everywhere to see their team play. The day I landed, Arizona was playing and there were Coyote jerseys everywhere. On the weekend, Nashville was in town and the casinos were flush with Predator sweaters. And, of course, on my birthday, Leaf jerseys everywhere in town!! I swear there were almost as many Leaf fans in the crowd as Vegas fans. In fact, with the Leafs up 5-3 and about three minutes left in the third, I decided to hit the john before the end-of-game rush. While I was in there, there was a humongous roar and cheer from the crowd (meaning goal scored) and I thought, "Oh shit, it's 5-4. Vegas is making it tense." Nope. The Leafs had scored to make it 6-3. That's how many we numbered in the crowd. In fact, where the hell are these vocal Leafs fans in Toronto at the ACC-Scotiabank-Whatever-It's-Called-This-Week Gardens? Half the time it sounds like a damn library in there. But my last boss, Dave, a die-hard Montreal Canadiens fan, called it after Vegas' improbable Cinderella story run at the Stanley Cup last season. He said: "It's like the Golden Knights are everyone's second favourite team now." Indeed.

Knowing I was going to Las Vegas to see
our Toronto Maple Leafs play there on
New Years Eve 2017, my boy, David, went
to Giant Tiger in Sarnia and got me this
Leafs sweater for the game. It's actually
wool. I hate wool. Itchy. So what do I do?
Of course, I wear the sweater. It's David.
T-Shirt underneath and hey, I'm golden.

Okay, it's time to get to the beer. First, a quick weather report. This was the coldest I have ever seen Sin City. When I landed, it was barely double-digits and dipped into single digits by the time I was leaving. Let's just say, my shorts were never worn. If you've ever seen my Vegas pics, you know that every day is marked by a new Ontario craft brewery T-Shirt. I pack those, one pair of shorts and jeans, couple of pairs of socks... and 12 pairs of underwear. Not sure why. It's like Packing Donny is convinced, yes, this is be the trip I crap my drawers every second day. It's never happened so Packing Donny is a bit of an alarmist and needs to calm the hell down.

But let's get to that beer. My Beer Adventure actually started at Pearson Airport in Toronto. I got there very early for my flight because it looked like freezing rain might bugger me up. A full third of the flights had been cancelled that day but mine was showing all systems go. Looking around, I found a place called the Red Rocket Cafe that served a beer called "Toronto Style IPA". Ordering some food, I got a pint of it. The glass was branded Henderson UPA, as in Toronto's Henderson Brewing. It was pretty damn good, especially being surrounded by macro taps. Turns out Toronto Style IPA is how the brewery describes it, noting that the train from Union to Pearson passes by them every six and a half minutes, thus they made it 6.5%. Nice pine on the nose, solid pine and malt on the back-end, the brewery did a great job. However, I remembered a long ago girlfriend, who worked in a hotel for the Summer, told me never to use the room glasses. Why? Because in some places, they use the same cloth to clean the glass as they do the sinks, counters, showers... and toilets.

Oh, the adventures my Henderson UPA glass had in Vegas!
Here it is holding one of my all-time favourites, the dynamic
Stone Brewing (Escondido, California) Ruination Double
IPA 2.0. That's 8.5%, 100+ IBUS of the piniest, hoppiest,
fruit-laden, citrus-packed beer you will ever drink. Evah!

And since I prefer my beer in a glass without fecal matter, I decided that Henderson glass was about to go on vacation, too. (60 Minutes probably did an expose on that and it's no longer the case. But you know how stuff sticks in your brain?) Henderson Brewing, one of your branded UPA glasses had a great week in Sin City. If you want it back as I still have it, just ask. Oh, I'm keeping it but hey, you're welcome to ask. It's traveled 6,240 kilometres (3,877 miles) round-trip with me. We're married now. And the beers that got poured into this? My glass bride got spoiled.

Where do I start? Okay, at the beginning, I guess. Once I had landed and cabbed my way over to The LINQ Resort and Casino, (highly recommended) it was time to set up shop and get my flop-pad in order. That means a few things. Pulling the blankets and sheets loose from their confinement (I feel like a damn mummy when I get into a properly-made hotel bed), unpacking all that underwear my clothes, getting my laptop, phone and tablet hooked up to their Wifi, the usual Lost Traveler In Paradise stuff. But I don't settle into Vegas without a brew and when I landed last October, Samuel Adams Brewing (Boston) had just launched their New England IPA.

Hey look, Sawdust City Brewing made its Vegas debut
during my Birthday Week down there! Hey Adam, zup
dawg? But it's that Samuel Adams' New England IPA
that I wanna talk about here. This was a go-to for me the
entire week I was down in Vegas. They kinda nailed it.

Wandering into The LINQ's in-hotel tourist trinket store, I found a healthy selection of craft but hey, I was so impressed with Sam Adam's NEIPA the last time, I went with the slam-dunk while setting up shop. It takes me roughly one beer to get my room ready. I ain't playing games here. It's Las Vegas. You don't hang in your room. But back to Sammy A's New England IPA. I was always happy to drink the brewery's Rebel IPA on the strip and have countless times. But damn, this New England IPA (which I'm kinda surprised took them this long because Boston is as New England as it gets) is good. Like, damn good. At 6.8% and a low, low 35 IBUs, this, like many east coast IPAs, has wheat malts blended in on the back-end but cranks up the Hop Heat with Galaxy, Simcoe, Mosaic, Citra and Cascade in the mix. Orange and pineapple all up in this hood. Jeebus, that's a good brew.

Now as soon as I was set up, I did what any rational and sane man would do. I went down to the esplanade between The LINQ and The Flamingo Resort and Casino (home of Donny and Marie!) and immediately walked to my favourite Vegas craft beer bar, Yard House.

You want showgirls? Trust me, they're up and
down the Vegas strip. You want beefy cowboys?
Yeah, they're hanging out there, too. That's the
thing about Vegas. There's something there for
everybody and anything goes. It's kinda nuts...

We're talking 180 taps - 170 of them the best craft beers in the world and 10 macros for your Aunt Phyllis. (Why on earth would you go to Vegas with her? She's gonna want to see some country tribute acts for sure. "OMG, he sounds exactly like Garth Brooks!" That's nice, Aunt Phyllis, but I still don't care.) Now here's the thing. It's been pretty much established in this space that they are my favourite craft beer bar in Vegas and they, in turn, have acknowledged I am absolutely their favourite Canadian. Well, if Michael Buble or Celine Dion are not in town that week. If they both are, I slide down the Canuck Scale to third favourite. I'm cool with that. I know my place.

And there was little doubt I was going there. While I have had the odd pint there, I go for their half-yard glasses of beer. And I always post those pictures on Twitter. After one of those postings, Beer Bro Glenn (not so happily freezing his arse off in Canada) asked me how much was in a half-yard? I replied, "Well, it's... I don't know." I have literally had dozens of these at the Yard House over the past year and never once thought to ask. I guessed a little more than a litre so 34 ounces or so? Before long, Yard House jumped in to answer the question, telling the pair of us that it's 32 ounces so a couple of tall boys or the exact same as a proper Oktoberfest stein. Suddenly, I realized why I've never had more than one during a sitting because given the high octave IPAs I drink there, I would, in fact, have to remain seated. In fact, the bar gives you a plastic take-out Solo cup if you can't quite finish it. I've never taken that option. I don't like leaving any projects unfinished. But man, a half yard at the Yard House and you return to the strip with a warm glow, that's for certain. So my first half yard of this trip? Dogfish Head Brewing's (Milton, Delaware) Flesh & Blood IPA. Boy howdy, this kicked off the Yard House portion of the trip nicely. Tons of apricot (so good), citrus and strong orange in this 7.5%, 45 IBU beauty. Definitely was one of the best, if not the best, IPAs on this trip.

Okay, the best and the brightest independent American
craft breweries all have one thing in common. They all
display that "Certified Independent Craft Brewers
Association" stamps on their bottles, packaging and cans.
Why is this important? Because there are many American
breweries who have been bought out by Big Beer and
frankly, I can't keep track of whom. So I #SeekTheSeal.

And while we're on the topic of Dogfish Head, thanks to copious amounts of craft beers in their Walgreens and CVS supersize drug stores on the strip - including one having a humongous walk-in beer fridge - I got a chance to try 60 Minute IPA and 90 Minute IPA side-by-side. This taste test was done in The LINQ Casino under the supervision of no one except myself and perhaps Odin, who watches over all the denizens of Midgard. Well, one young waitress came over and sweetly asked if I needed anything. I had two Dogfish Head beers directly in front of me on a slot machine so thank you but no, Miss, I'm hella good. I was in my Happy Place. So which is better, their single (60) or their double (90) IPA? Okay, keeping in mind this is just one man's opinion (though Odin may be subtly influencing me) but I believe it's the 60 Minute IPA. Granted, the minute I posted pictures of both on Twitter, the opinions were flying fast and furious on the pair. Both have huge fan-bases so really, Dogfish Head, you have very little to be worried about because I suspect it was keeping you up at night. Just keep making both. You'll be fine.

Two newer releases from our friends at Elysian Brewing
(Seattle), which was bought by Anheuser-Busch in 2015
and Sierra Nevada Brewing (Chico, California), which
proudly proclaims on top of its cans "Family Owned,
Operated and Argued Over." Yeah, that's independent.

But the challenge of Vegas isn't finding craft beers. They're everywhere. It's finding new craft beers! Two I came upon at exactly the same time were Elysian Brewing (Seattle) Dayglow IPA and Sierra Nevada Brewing's (Chico, California) Hazy Little Thing IPA. Elysian was snapped up four years ago by Anheuser-Busch (I forgot to #SeekTheSeal - my bad) while Sierra Nevada is still independently family-owned so their board meetings probably sound like a lot like this... "Shut up, stupid!" "I'm not stupid. You're stupid!" (I'm just guessing here and actually just basing it on my family's Thanksgiving dinners. Sierra Nevada's meeting are likely far less chaotic. Or not.)

Okay, both of these were really strong offerings. The Dayglow IPA at 7.4% had beautiful fruit notes with a nice wheat malt back-end while the Hazy Little Thing IPA at 6.7% was 10 beautiful shades of melon. I enjoyed them back-to-back and if I'm not mistaken, I'm fairly certain this was my Breakfast that day.

This was sitting in The LINQ's in-hotel convenience
store the entire time I was there and I didn't notice it
until late in the trip. The Ballast Point Brewing's
(San Diego) Fathom IPA was a nice orange-pine
combo, west coast style, lightly malty back-end.

I kinda just grab burgers, pizza or burritos on the fly when I'm down there. I'm obviously something of a fitness buff. Some people consider their bodies to be a temple and hey, I admire that. My body is more like a Meth lab above a tattoo parlour.

Late into the trip, I wandered into The LINQ's in-house convenience store (great staff, always happy and chatty - I was Donny Canada to them and was greeted thusly - I loved that) to pick up a brew or two and right beside the Ballast Point Brewing (San Diego) Sculpin IPA and Grapefruit Sculpin IPA was their Fathom IPA. Because the can is not their traditional gold and white colours and I am, in fact, colourblind, meaning I always look for colour markings familiar to me, I missed it until, oh, Day Seven? Yeah, you'd think the huge Ballast Point logo would be enough. Trust me, it never is. Okay, also back in 2015, this brewery was bought by Constellation Brands (Corona, other popular meh beers - except Ballast Point - and a lot of spirits) for $1 billion. I get it. Hard to say no. I couldn't. But help a Canuck out here! Ownership be damned, this was really good. Totally west coast (no haze here), this 6%, 50 IBU hoppy bugger has orange on the front, malt and pine on the back and is a damn solid beer. Better than Sculpin IPA? Well, let's not get crazy here. But hey, a pretty good one.

My very last beer in Vegas came courtesy of
Lauren and it was the Yard House "House
IPA." So who makes it, I asked her, thinking
one of the local craft breweries. Nope, she
said, "Stone (Brewing) makes it." Holy crap,
I should have tried it sooner! It's 6%, fruity,
citrus and one helluva send-off. Stone rules!

Okay, a couple more brews and then let's wind this little vacation story down. Another pair I grabbed at the same time (though photo folder evidence shows I had also enjoyed them during my October trip) Saint Archer Brewing's (San Diego) IPA and Stone Brewing's (Escondido, California, baby!) Tangerine Express IPA. The amount of Stone beers on the strip is phenomenal! As Beer Bro Glenn and myself like to say, "Stone can brew no wrong!" We often yell it. At small babies and puppies.

Okay, so *sigh* to begin, Saint Archer was bought by MillerCoors in 2015. I don't know for how much but at this point, I want to say $100 kajillion so I don't feel badly. I seriously can't keep track of the buy-outs down there but it's a lot. That said, the beers still seem to be really top-notch. It does seem to be hands-off ownership - at this point, anyway. Craft is 12% of the American beer market and the big guys want that piece of the financial pie. So anyways, the Saint Archer IPA is junked up the cake-hole with Amarillo, Mosaic, Centennial, Chinook, Columbus, Simcoe and Citra hops. (I hope MillerCoors paid a pretty penny for them, too.) But this is a clean-cut west coaster - 7%, 66 IBU, tropical fruit and citrus. Tasty-ass beverage, too. I'll happily drink it again. I'd steal it as a finger to the big guys but, you know, Vegas... cameras everywhere.

And then there's our good friends at Stone, fiercely independent, one of the best ever, just a buncha crazy-ass mofos having fun.

Lit up by a slot machines lights are Saint Archer IPA
and Stone Brewing Tangerine Express IPA. So Saint
Archer IPA had tons of tropical fruit and citrus but can
you guess the flavour profile of a beer with the word
"tangerine" in its name might be? I know you can do it!

You know many many times I've enjoyed a Stone beer on the strip? Try 2,317 times exactly. (Legal Disclaimer: That is a guesstimate.) Stone IPA, Stone Ruination Double IPA 2.0, Stone Go To Session IPA, Stone Hop Revolver IPA, Stone Ripper San Diego Pale Ale... and now, Stone Tangerine Express IPA. Yes, marijuana possession has been legal in Nevada since 2017 but man, I get Stoned down there a different way. (Pot and beer together just makes me super-sleepy, like instantly. I choose you, beer!)

The Tangerine Express was dynamite. The brewery says there's a solid backing of pineapple. I didn't catch that all that, to be honest, in this 6.7%, 75 IBU orange dream. But shit, this was good. Tart, not sweet. Another favourite by these guys.

Okay, let's finish this off with some fun Vegas notes. Prostitution is, of course, also legal in Nevada. Every casino on the strip seems to be a circular bar in the centre and that's where they gather at night. The escorts are very young, attractive and seem quite sweet.

It is 11:30 am in the Food Court at The Flamingo
Resort and Casino. Dude did NOT make it back to
his room. Either that or the poor guy lost all his
cash to gambling. I wasn't gonna wake him up to
ask. Doesn't matter what time it is there because
a tourist is asleep publicly somewhere in Sin City.

But here's the thing. The first time I went to Vegas in July 2007, I was already well old enough to be their father. Now 12 years later, I'm edging into the Grandfather Zone. So, yikes. I totally run that Loki Moment from Thor, The Dark World in my head where he says, "You must be truly desperate to come to me." I'm always polite and, you know, Canadian. If you tell them your wife is over at the roulette table, they're quite respectful. Let's put it this way. I'm at the age where I don't really want a Life Coach because he'd probably look at my habits (smoking, drinking, zero exercise, bad food) and my age before just shrugging, "I dunno, Don. It's kinda pointless now. Maybe just consider running out the clock?" Also on Facebook, I now get ads for dating sites with names like Silver Singles. And to be honest, I'm not coming here to meet a lady. I'm coming here to take a little break from one. Taking care of your 89-year-old mother might be noble or something. But seriously, you need time away. Vegas is my beer-filled, brain-free, Donny-Time Fun Zone.

And while sexism in the craft beer industry is being looked at under a harsh spotlight here in Ontario and, of course, almost everywhere else... maybe not so such in Las Vegas. Case in point: Sin City Brewing. This was the only craft brewery I saw here when I first came to Vegas in 2007. I was drinking MGD at the time so I didn't pay much heed to them.

If you are waiting for political correctness to land
in Vegas, don't hold your breath. The strip is built
on three things for adults - money, gambling and
sex. This is what I was told when I asked anyway.

But you will notice in the photo that the brewery logo is the silhouette of a naked woman... with a devil's tail. That might not fly up here right now. So I waited until a lady was working and decided to go in and ask. They made a great IPA, pine on the nose, malt back-end. I forget her name because, of course, "I won't forget." (Please refer to above paragraph regarding my age.) The conversation went something like this. I explained the push against sexism in craft beer marketing up here and asked if they ever got flack for their imagery. "Your first time here?" she asked. No, my 12th, I said. "You see those trucks up and down the street all day, all night, advertising 'girls to your room'?" she asked. Yes, of course, they're everywhere. "This place is built on three things - money, sex and gambling. That's never gonna change." Does it ever bother her? "No, it's like working in a factory with a loud fan. After a while, you don't hear the noise," she shrugged. Well, okay, there you have it. Also at some point, I'm 99% sure she worked in a factory with a loud fan.

But I love Vegas for two reasons. Great American craft beers plus the noise, the buzz and the lights. This town is always alive, even at 4 am. Yard House, my good friends, I'm coming back May 6th to 14th. Tell the Golden Knights to still be in the playoffs because this place is crazy when they are and I'll hopefully be watching my Maple Leafs on some humongous 25-foot screen in a casino. Best way to watch the NHL playoffs ever! But Scooby Doo Gang, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Back soon with... *checks notes"* oh geezuz, the Sparklepuff Triple IPA controversy. Why would I do that to myself? Until next time, I remain...