The upside - and downside - of flavoured beers

Our friends at Amsterdam Brewery recently released
their Oranje Weisse in time for you-know-what...

As the heat of Summer edges near and patios are slowly opening (or partios, as Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil refers to them), the wheat beers are returning and this year, they're in numerous flavours... which is odd since wheats traditionally were meant to be slightly tinged with orange and light spices such as coriander. But these days, breweries are going nuts with them and like anything else, that can be good... or that can be something quite south of that.

Now a lot of beer drinkers note that they don't like flavoured beer but the fact is most beer styles have a touch of some fruit or food stuff in their essence - IPAs often have a touch of grapefruit or mango or citrus. Stouts rely on oatmeal, some fruits (cranberries, mostly) and lots of chocolate. Porters have the essence of coffee and licorice. Red ales... apple. And so on and so on. Mainstream beers, however, tend to be so malt-forward that no, you don't get much extra out of them. Which is fine since they still are the brew of choice for the masses and why would the major breweries change a formula that clearly works?

Is it possible he thought you asked for a 'crap' beer...

Now before I go on, allow me to disqualify a couple of types of flavoured beers that ride an inexplicable popularity wave in the summer - the lime beers, the lemon shandy beers and *gagging* the ice-tea-infused ones. Why am I disqualifying them? Okay, in terms as diplomatic and polite as possible (I am Canadian, after all), they are... well, disgusting, nasty, vile, sickly-sweet ass-water that no one other than an under-age teenage girl should ever drink. And since I can't advocate under-aged drinking, if all the 19-year-old girls (legal age in Ontario) could buy them all, drink them or pour 'em down the drain for all I care and then (what do 19-year-old girls do? Oh I remember) post thousands of giddy, giggly selfies all night on Instagram or Snapchat, well, I would be most appreciative. "DRINK THE LIME BEERS, YOUNG LADIES!!! DRINK THEM ALL!!!" This has been a court-ordered Public Service Advisory - two down, 98 to go - clearly the courts shouldn't have let me choose the topics. Oh wait... don't do Meth: it's, uh, whack... (do we still say 'whack'?)... okay, 97...

The new Shock Top line - their regular Belgian
White, centre, flanked by the Lemon Shandy and
Raspberry Wheat. You know where I stand on one

Shock-Top sorta poses as a craftie but here in Canada, it's brewed by Labatt while in the U.S., it's brewed by Anheuser-Busch - both of whom are, in turn, owned by Belgian giant, In-Bev. As such, they get punished on RateBeer... which is fine. The regular Shock-Top Belgian White actually isn't too bad. The orange is there but not overpoweringly so. As it turns out, the more a fruit is muted, the more I am inclined to enjoy it. The stronger its flavouring, the less so. The Shock-Top Raspberry Wheat is strongly fruit-flavoured and suffers because of that. It's like having a 5.2% Raspberry Soda. The Shock-Top Lemon Shandy? Hey, 19-year-old Instagram girls, hurry up and buy that crap. As noted in last blog, my old publisher/friend Arnie did say that I can't say I don't like something without trying it. To Arnie, I simply say this: yes... yes, I can. I'm gifted that way.

Had the Amsterdam Brewery's Oranje Weisse today and quite enjoyed it. Brewed at Beer Musketeer Cat's hometown favourite brewery, this is pure Belgian White. Light orange and coriander on the nose, light citrus touches on the tongue... very nice. Scored a 47 on RateBeer, a decent score for a Canadian wheat. Where Shock-Top could have done themselves a solid would have been by sampling Amsterdam's KLB Raspberry Wheat. Yes, you get the raspberry on the nose and tongue but it disappears quickly in the mouth. We're not looking to be overpowered. We're drinking beer here... not wrestling with a damn orchard.

Yeah, their Apricot Wheat Ale is overpoweringly sweet...
but when I had that Oatmeal Stout? Whoa. All was forgiven

Okay, remember that Okanagan Spring Apricot Summer Weizen I talked about last blog where the flavour was so muted, I couldn't even figure out what fruit it was - just that there was an unknown one in there and it was tasty? Well, meet its polar opposite - out of Montreal, St Amboise Apricot Wheat. I grabbed a St Ambroise Premium Selection Pack at another Beer Store and it has three of these, 3 IPAs, 3 Pale Ales and 3 Oatmeal Stouts. The pale ales and IPAs (a junior IPA, really) were decent, not outstanding. But the Apricot Wheat? I've had it before. Sweet to the point of apricot syrup, it was too much for me. How this managed a 46 on RateBeer is beyond me. Gotta be some sort of Montreal Apricot Orchard Voodoo. So it went upstairs to Hathaway's British Pub where the owners and denizens could give it a try.

This 8% Double IPA only got a 78 on
RateBeer and the Beer Musketeers have a
pretty strong nothing-under-90 rule about
IPAs. That said, I will hunt for it anyway

Owners Simon and Amy were first up. They took their gulps... and both made faces. I laughed, "You can pour it out, if you want. I didn't like it, either." They both instantly dumped it in the garden - no doubt killing both plants and bugs alike. Ugly way to go. But gawd bless him, Dan from Draft Services pops over after a long day of video gaming and I offer the other to him. He takes a huge haul, says, "Mmmmm, peach!" (meh, close enough) and pounds it happily while he's plugging away on his iPhone. Again, people, every beer has its happy audience.

Indeed, St Ambroise Oatmeal Stout definitely has me in its audience. This is the best session (5%) stout I've ever tasted in my life, if not the equal to many of the great one-off high-octane seasonals I had this past winter. Chocolate, coffee and butter (weird, right?) on the nose, it was all cocoa and molasses on the tongue. Just an outstanding stout. The store that sold me the mixed pack also has this in six-packs. I'll be back for more. Whereas wheats, excepting the outstanding German ones, are a style I only want one or two of at any sitting, a session stout this outstanding? That I could drink all night. I will force one on Beer Musketeer Glenn when he next visits. He continues to resist stouts and porters but he will bend to mine and Cat's will. (Evil Villain Scientist laugh in 3... 2... 1... *click* "Mooo!" What the deuce? *click* "Muah ha ha ha ha ha!!!" Okay, better... but could I get someone from IT down here? This sound effect app blows.)

I have no idea what's in Aisle 1 through 7. I also
don't care. Dairy, meat and grain right there. Wait.
What's the fourth food group again? Dessert??

And finally, due to the popularity of Austria's Stiegl Radler Grapefruit 2.5% beer last summer (the LCBOs could not keep it on the shelves), Brick Brewery has put on their own Waterloo Radler - a 3.1% beer/grapefruit combo. Big fan of the grapefruit essence in many IPAs so I tried one. It just tasted exactly like grapefruit juice, which I love, my favourite of the Juice Family... but not as a beer replacement. There is no beer essence to this whatsoever. I told my co-worker Karen when I was sampling it after work one night and her reaction? "Need some vodka there, Donny?" Uh, yeah, like a 13-ounce mickey at least. Granted, I may have stumbled across a breakfast beer that won't mess me up by lunch.

So flavoured beers can be a crap-shoot - just like any style of beer, I suppose. Can be great... can be horrific. And they are small doses beer - one or two, switch to something else. It's a little like my buddy who wants to hold a Beer Pong Tournament at his wedding reception - it walks that fine line between trashy as hell and pretty much the coolest idea ever!!! Don't panic, ladies. He's single.. and likely to stay that way for a long while.

Okay, more beers in a few days... but guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, as always, I remain...

Trafalgar Ales & Meads expands into distillery

Trafalgar Ales & Meads founder-owner Mike Arnold is
venturing into distilling and offers vodka and white-rye
with whiskey up next... once it's aged for a few years...

I have talked to Mike Arnold, the owner of Oakville's Trafalgar Ales & Meads, many, many times but never once about beer. Only politics. Well, yes and no. Allow me to clarify.

Not sure they do this anymore but every election, whether federal, Provincial or municipal, the brewery created a different beer for each party, labelled them accordingly and had a mobile sign out front, marking the scores of each party by their allotted beers purchased at the brewery. The campaign was cleverly called "Vote With Your Throat" and several times was eerily in sync with the final results. For municipal elections, the candidates for Oakville Mayor were given their individual beers - photos on the label and all - and those results were also posted. Again, it could be remarkably accurate. One time when it was bang-on, I called Mike to congratulate him on his accuracy and he shrugged it off, saying simply, "I didn't vote. Beer drinkers did."

The labels for the 2008 Federal Election, representing,
clockwise from top left, the Green Party, the NDP, the
Liberals and the Progressive Conservatives. The beer poll
gave the Liberal the slight edge but the PC's won a majority

Now when I plied my editor's trade in Oakville back in the mid-90s, my publisher, a gregarious chap named Arnie (who continues to be a friend to this day), was good pals with Mike, who it should be noted played a key role in the creation of the Black Creek Historic Brewery, now run by Beer Musketeer Cat's sister-in-law. And as a friend of Mike's, Arnie had some of the brewery's meads in his garage. I shunned them instantly but Arnie, being Arnie, insisted I try them before casting them aside. "You can't say you don't like something you've never tried!" he scolded me. True enough. So I sampled their raspberry and blueberry meads, fresh from Arnie's garage. Okay, I should have stuck to my guns. Both were so acidic, my first question to Arnie was: "Where do you keep the Tums?"  I think I also asked if his Milton Hospital had stomach-pumping equipment readily available.

Clearly, I am not a mead drinker. Why? Well, for one, I'm not a Viking. Nor am I a senator in Ancient Rome. In fact, has any anyone living after, oh say, Mary Queen of Scots, ever drank mead? Definitely a niche market.

"Tastes great!" "Less filling!" "Vodka!" "Beer!"

However, the big news out of Trafalgar is that, as of this past Sunday, they have expanded into being a distillery, as well as a brewery and, uh, meadery. According to an article in the Oakville News online, they have already begun distilling vodka and a white-rye (meaning non-aged whiskey) with actual whiskey, probably five years or more down the road because, well, if it ain't aged, it ain't whiskey. And Canadian whiskey is world-renowned because not only does it do the job, it also apologizes for your hang-over in the morning. "Yeah, I did that to your brain. So very sorry. My bad. Can I get you a coffee from Timmy's?" 'Tis the politest of all whiskeys.

Now I am not a spirit drinker simply because I don't like the taste of most and there's so many beers left for me to try. So it was past time to start sampling Trafalgar's beer, especially since the place is literally around the corner from my Beer Store.

So far, the best of the bunch but that's faint praise...

Thus far, sadly, it has not gone well. I started with their Hop Nouveau, a wet-hopped ale and was expecting something in the vicinity of Amsterdam Brewery's excellent Autumn Hop, another wet-hopped product. The nose is off - sulfuric, metallic even - and it didn't fare much better on the tongue. Bitter, but not in a good IPA way, it has a weak finish and though overly-carbonated, it can't seem to hold its head. Oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I'm trying, Billboard Cartoon! I'm trying!!!
Strangely, Stevil St Evil yells this at me too!

Next up was their Honey IPA, billed as a pale ale brewed with honey. Okay, word to the wise for all those brewing IPAs: no more brewing with honey. Okay, for starters, this is definitely not an IPA. Despite claiming to be 70 IBU (international bitterness units), there is virtually no hoppiness to this 5.5% brew, which has more in common with, say, an extra special bitter than it ever will with an IPA. That said, different strokes... Beer Musketeer Glenn quite enjoyed it while mine went down the drain.

The brewery redeems itself to a certain degree with their Smoked Oatmeal tout. At 5%, it is a lighter stout than my favourites tend to be but does have some smokiness on the nose. The taste - light chocolate - is a little more, well, timid than I expect in a stout but over-all, it's a decent offering. It unfortunately suffered immediately by preceding a Montreal-brewed stout, not naming names (*coughs* St Ambroise) that instantly blew my socks off. This will be mandatory reading in the next blog. No excuses. There will be a test afterwards. All of that being said and done, I never say never (except I just did twice - never again - *facepalm*) and I will be popping into Trafalgar for their Paddy's Irish Red - a style I love - and their Oak-Aged Rye Ale, which sounds promising. Let's see how it stacks up next to their cross-town rivals Cameron's outstanding Rye Pale Ale. So rest assured, Glenn, (in my best Ah-nuld voice) "Ah'll be bach..."

Look at that teeny, tiny word under
Summer. It says Apricot. Okanagan
Spring, you are cheeky devils!!!

Recently landing at the Beer Store was the Okanagan Spring Craft Pack with three of the Vernon, BC brewery's beer - their Pale Ale, their 1516 Bavarian Lager and their Apricot Summer Weizen. To be frank, I bought it for the Summer Weizen because I'm always on the hunt for a good wheat beer. The Pale Ale is a decent patio beer, light, non-distinct, as well as non-threatening, much pretty on par with your Keith's and the like. The 1516 Bavarian Lager is a wee step up - not much on the aroma at all and a little coppery on the tongue, it's an okay though not at all outstanding lager. Again, a patio brew.

No, it was their Apricot Summer Weizen that grabbed me. If you look at the label to the right, you can barely see the word "apricot" under "summer". In fact, without my reading glasses, I didn't see a word there at all. I was drinking it and couldn't figure out what fruit I was tasting at first. Usually, with wheats, it's orange peel. Not this one. My coworker Marie finally pointed the "apricot" out to me - thankfully before I drove myself crazy trying to figure it out. Obviously, once you know, the nose is apricot (my first note - "some unknown fruit, def not orange") and on the tongue, although the fruit is there, it's beautifully muted, gives it some tartness, allowing the hazy wheat to shine through. Scrap the other two - here's your patio beer!!! It very much outshines another apricot wheat which was overpoweringly sickly sweet that you'll read about in the next blog. Again, not naming names (*coughs* St Ambroise).

Hopus is not hoppy - it is fruity and spicy. It
is also a remarkably tasty strong Belgium ale

From Beer Musketeer Cat came the recommendation of Hopus, a Belgian strong ale out of the Brasserie Lefebvre in the Belgian town of Rebecq-Quenast. Despite its name, this is not hoppy in the least although you get some nice citrus and orange on the nose. On the tongue, this 8.2% offering is a crazy mixture of bitter and sweet, fruity yet spicy - a lovely break from all the IPAs and stouts Cat and I consume with alarming frequency.

And speaking of the Beer Musketeers and IPAs, one beer I neglected to mention in that Debauchery at Donny's Bar and Grill blog was Arch Brewery's Dinner Jacket O'Red IPA. Contract-brewed by Arch Brewing on the premises of our friends Wellington Country Brewing in Guelph, this one was the middle-of-the-pack for us. More malty than hoppy on the nose (though I did get some pine), it pours a hazy red, had decent carbonation and was grassy on the tongue. It was pretty good but more of a Beginner IPA and certainly not in the elite class of either Nickel Brook's Immodest IIPA or Stone's Ruination IPA.

Amanda gives thumbs-up to all who donated to the Leukemia Bottle Drive

And finally, other than mention the shenanigans of my co-workers, I don't talk much about the Beer Store here. That's because this is a beer blog and Head Office has a perfectly effective and capable Communication Department. That said, I'm sure HQ won't mind a quick shout-out on a personal point of pride. This past weekend, on May 24-25, every store across Ontario held their Returns For Leukemia Bottle Drive whereby we ask customers if they would be willing to donate some of their empties with all funds going to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society of Canada. As always, our customers were remarkably generous as we alone raised over $2,000. That was just on Saturday. Probably, another sweet G on Sunday. At 10 or 20-cents each, that's a lot of empty bottles. The across-province tally will likely be known inside the week but count on it being well over $1 million. Okay, I'll let the Communications Department take it from there but on my end, big shout-outs and hugs to Team Captain Marie and head volunteer Amanda for their hard work. See that red shirt Amanda's wearing? Their faces and arms all looked like that by day's end. They started as volunteers; they finished as lobsters. Which means they would go well with a wheat beer.... perhaps one brewed by Okanagan Spring? See? It always comes back to beer.

Okay, guys and dolls, I'll be back in a few days but until then, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...

Hathaway's British Pub and Walkerville Brewery

Here's some captured iPhone shenanigans involving me and
Sandi at Hathaway's British Pub back in February. I am
happily pounding Nickel Brook Headstock IPA out of my
cherished 32-ounce Molson Canadian skate/boot mug.
Apparently, Sandi is trying to help me lose my hiccups.
Nothing in this photo suggests anything of that sort...

Apparently, the weather is finally getting nicer up here in Canada. My upstairs neighbour, Amy, who I worked with at the Beer Store back in the 1990s (she has since gone onto another Canadian institution, Tim Horton's head office), texted me at work last weekend and told me to pop up to the patio at Hathaway's British Pub when I got home. Copious fun and often blurry, slurry nights on their patio happened with alarming frequency last summer.

Regarding our country's biggest doughnut chain, here's a quick Tim Horton's aside for those living outside Canada:
"It's over there beside the Tim Horton's..."
~ Directions to anywhere in Canada

This was the first patio outing for 2014, meaning it might be finally turning warmer after The Winter From Hell. Now whereas Donny's Bar and Grill on the lower level of this sprawling, luxury complex we all inhabit is truly Canadian (though with an infusion of outstanding American IPAs), Hathaway's British Pub upstairs has a distinct U.K. flavour simply because Simon is a Brit and is, in fact, the Hathaway half of the now Married-With-Child couple.

I say if Magneto and Professor X can mend fences over a
cold brew, then the whole world can. Beers for every nation!
These guys give us hope for growing older and having fun

You see some years ago, Amy went to visit the U.K. and had the time of her life. She also returned to Canada with Simon as her carry-on. How she jammed the lanky lad into the over-head remains a mystery to this day. No doubt it was this sort of flexibility that explains why Amy found him so gosh-darn attractive to start with.

So on this particular evening when I popped up, the patio was buzzing with others, including the Hathaway's British Pub neighbours, Stacey and Matt, as well as Dan and Sandi from the Beer Store's Draft Services department. Draft Services, for the uninitiated, are the people who take care of consumer kegs and pumps, as well as installing and servicing the draft lines in any number of bars. They are akin to Roman Gods for bar-owners. You don't have to kneel but kissing their rings is not out of the question.

♫ I GOTTA ANOTHER CONFESSION TO
MAKE... I LOVE BEER!!! ♫ If Dave Grohl
loves beer then you should also love beer.
No peer pressure but if you don't, it's uncool

As for Stacey and Matt, this was the first time I met Matt but I had briefly met Stacey last summer at one of these Hathaway's British Pub patio events. Last year, while we were all chatting, someone said something funny and I started to laugh... loudly. Stacey looked right at me and said, "So that's where that laugh comes from!!" For the record, she and Matt live on the other side of the building, one floor up. And she recognized my laugh. From that distance. Either she has a remarkably keen ear or I am incredibly loud. Let's bet on the latter. After all, it was Amy who first dubbed me with the nickname "Happy Happy Loud Guy" way back in the 1990s when we worked together. Thankfully, due to the fact it's too cumbersome a nickname, it never really caught on and was discarded quickly. Sometimes, the universe gives you a gift and you just quietly say "Thank you..." Regardless, first brews of the year on the patio at Hathaway's British Pub means winter is finally gone and the patio fun is about to start... oh, happy, happy, loudness!!

Okay, beer time, kids. My co-worker Marie recently cleaned up huge at Caesar's Palace in Windsor and wandered down the street to Walkerville Brewery, which was originally built way back in 1885 by none other than Hiram Walker, the distiller who created the internationally-popular Canadian Club whiskey.

Walkerville Brewing Company in its 1998-2007 incarnation.
According to locals, the beers were plain and uninspired
during this run. That has clearly changed with new owners.

Like most small Canadian breweries, this one has long persevered over the years, opening and closing, bankruptcy and solvency, lasting through Prohibition and during that time, becoming a key bootlegger to neighbouring Detroit, which was hailed as the wettest city in the USA during the booze ban, partially due to Walkerville. The old Walkerville Brewery building was demolished in 1962 and after a long absence, was reopened in 1998, just as microbreweries and craft brewers were sprouting up across Ontario. It went bankrupt in 2007, shut its doors, only to reopen in September 2012. This little brewery's been up and down more often than the toilet seats at a mixed college kegger.

So armed with all that cashola courtesy of an extremely loose slot machine at Caesar's (she won big, and I mean big, off the same machine twice in two days - certainly a rarity), Marie wandered down the street with her fella, Ernie, had a nice meal and some tasty brews there.

The beer menu at the Walkerville Brewery. Marie, who is
exploring new and different beers, had the Milk Stout and
absolutely loved it. I like the looks of the Loophole Ale

But gawd love her, on the way out, she grabbed me a litre mini-growler of their Indie Pale Ale (yes, Indie) with a brewery glass and another litre of their Honest Lager for our former co-worker Louise who now toils at another store. Now when new owner Chris Ryan reopened the brewery in 2012 with brewmaster Nick Posloski in tow, the first battle they had to fight was the memory of the 1998-2007 version of Walkerville, which according to locals, brewed up some lousy and uninspired beers. Based on just one beer, the Indie Pale Ale, I would suggest they're headed in the right direction. At 6.3% and just 55 IBUs (international bitterness units), this won't club you over the head but is, nonetheless, a very solid, very tasty IPA. Pine on the nose, orange peel and grapefruit on the tongue, this is the exact halfway point between a session IPA and a hop-bomb.

"You liked it?" Marie asked. "Okay, next time, I'll get you a growler!" Ummm, where do I sign? And is this dependent on a loose slot machine? I also plan to send her back with the one-litre bottle to be filled with their Loophole Ale. I asked Louise, a Coors Light drinker, how the Honest Lager was and she raved "that was delicious! Really, really good!" Marie and I will bend The Weez to our wicked craft-filled ways. Resistance is futile.

Normal is, indeed, weird to my
friends at Flying Monkeys...

My friends at Flying Monkeys Craft Brewery in Barrie have continued on with their "The Matador" series of beers. Last year, it was a Double IPA, which I missed but *choking up a little*... that's okay. It only got 97 on RateBeer. *Sniff* Damn allergies. This year, The Matador Version 2.0 El Toro Bravo is a brash Imperial Dark Rye Ale. The 10.1% spice-bomb is charged with Hallertauer hops and Spanish Cedar wood-aged in barrels. Oh man, spicy, spicy and spicy... Hell, it's the Spice Girls of beer but, you know... actually good. Toffee on the nose, spice and rye on the tongue, this is an explosive ale and hey, only available at the Beer Store. It's also only available if you get to it before me. Good luck with that. Some days, you're the matador... some days, you're the bull. I'm whichever is faster. (Four legs... let's assume the bull.)

Some funny doings with my boys at Nickel Brook Brewery here in Burlington recently. Popped in one day a while back for growler refills and saw my main man, Tony, out front tending to the gardens. "You know what I'm doing?" he asked. "Yeah, weeding the garden as it's finally Spring," I replied. "Nope," he chuckled, "Planting a weed." Turns out a customer had given them a hop plant - not sure which hop - and Tony was giving it roots in a tiny back corner of the garden. I check on my little hop plant (I've adopted it - don't tell them) every time I go now. It's a sickly little weed-looking thing at the moment. But one day, it will be a mighty hop plant. Gonna put little chalk marks on the wall behind it as it grows. Because that's what you do for your children...

During the past long weekend, Great Lakes Brewery
asked Facebook readers to send in their pics of their long
weekend to win swag. Beer Musketeer Glenn sent in this
 shot of him with My Bitter Wife IPA with the caption  "She
may be bitter but I love her. All three of her" and got a
 "well played, sir" from the brewery. However, from Stevil
St Evil, he got "Wanna help me find my lost kitty?"
while I went with the obvious "Who likes candy?"

And I had a young new server at the brewery this past week, who I had never seen before but all the same, looked vaguely familiar. "How long have you been here?" I asked. "All my life," he smiled. Turned out it was owner John's son, Nick - the Nickel part of the brewery name while his sister, Brooke, completes it. Nick has just finished his first year at Wilfred Laurier University, where he's taking business and finance. "Gonna take this place over some day?" I asked. "I hope so," he smiled. Nice kid... and good for him.

Okay, so many beers I never got to including Hop City Big Mouth Pale Ale, Arch Brewery's Dinner Jacket O'Red IPA (which Beer Musketeers Cat and Glenn had here at Donny's Bar and Grill), Great Lakes' My Bitter Wife IPA you see here with Glenn, as well as Lake of Bays Brewery's Cujo Blond Ale, Left Field Brewery's Resin Bag IPA (a recommendation from Melissa, Toronto Craft Beer Queen), Hopus Strong Blonde Ale from Belgium (Beer Musketeer Cat's recommendation), two beers from Trafalgar Ales and Meads because Beer Musketeer Glenn asked me to give the Oakville brewery a second chance and the Okanagan Springs Craft Mixed Pack, which is now available at Beer Stores.

Okay, before I go off the clock, my buddy, Joe, sent me this awesome video, Mind Throwing A Beer My Way? which shows some pretty creative ways of giving a bro his beer. Note: use cheap beer, such as they did with Old Milwaukee because it ends up everywhere. Turns out this is their second outing... here's the first called: Hey, Pass Me A Beer!

Okay, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!!! Until next time, I remain...

Nickel Brook, Cameron's and Kate Upton

Courtesy of CBC, a shot of John Romano, right, and his brother, Peter
at the Hamilton Port Authority this week, announcing the official launch of
the Art & Science Brewing Company in the old Lakeport Brewery building.

This past Wednesday was a pretty big one for craft beer lovers in Hamilton, Burlington... and yes, even the centre of the Canadian Universe, Toronto. Nickel Brook owner John Romano took to the podium at the Hamilton Port Authority and announced that his Burlington brewery and Collective Arts Brewing out of Toronto had joined forces to lease the old Lakeport Brewery on Burlington Street East, effective immediately. The new collaborative craft brewery will be called Arts & Science Brewing Company.

The 50,000-square-foot facility, which used to house Lakeport and prior to them Amstel Canada, is a nifty boost to the area as it will instantly create 20 jobs and then even more employment after the new brewery creates a 10,000-square-foot retail and hospitality area within the building, which will be a venue for live music and art exhibitions. There is absolutely nothing about this that doesn't rock on an AC/DC-level...

Matt Johnston of Collective Arts Brewing addresses the
crowd while John quaffs a pint at the press conference

I caught up with John at Nickel Brook on Friday and he happily noted that yes, "I have signed away my life!" First into the building will be a clean-up crew who have a July deadline to pretty the old gal up. Then they will be hauling in and setting up all the brewing equipment they bought when Sleeman shut down its Maritime operation last year. "We will be up and running by winter," John told me. And creating even more new beers, not to mention continuing the strong lines they already have. Beer Musketeer Glenn lives and dies by Collective Arts' Rhyme & Reason Pale Ale while I always have growlers of my favoured Nickel Brook Headstock IPA in the fridge at Donny's Bar and Grill. So by happy coincidence, what's good for the Beer Musketeers is also good for the craft beer community-at-large and hell, society itself, right? (It's a little frightening that I actually believe that...) Ahem, moving on...

Late last month, Cameron's Brewing in Oakville added
growlers to their arsenal. When I can't get to Oakville
to refill mine, the boys at Nickel Brook have no issue
refilling it with their fresh brew. I get the feeling that not
every brewery would do that. Hence, Nickel Brook rocks

When I wrote a Christmas Wish List blog last December, one of my wishes was that Cameron's Brewery would start filling growlers. The brewery, just down the street from my Mom's house, has a retail component but never had growlers. On the last Thursday of every month, Cameron's hosts a Cask Night with live music and, well... ♫ fun, fun, fun 'til her Daddy takes her T-Bird away...♫ (Oh, for crap's sake, just Google it...) Anyway, at their April 24 Cask Night, Cameron's unveiled their growlers. Within the week I was there, getting one filled with their outstanding Rye Pale Ale. Well, after I fertilized my Mom's front lawn. I will be refilling it today after wishing my Mom a Happy Mother's Day. That my growler is empty and needs refilling is simply a happy coincidence. While I would be happy to take credit, I'm gonna assume the monthly Cask Night revellers have also been making the same request of the brewery - "Please get growlers." So they finally did. As it's straight from the brewery's tap, you will never get fresher beer than you do in growlers. And before I get to the beers, a personal milestone...

Is Kate Upton responsible for the success of Brew Ha Ha?

Sometime while I was at work on Friday, Brew Ha Ha got its 10,000th hit. I honestly don't know if that's a lot for a beer blog. I mean, I gotta think beer is a pretty highly Googled thing. (The blog tracker also tells you entry points - my Big Three? Facebook, Google and Twitter...) Doesn't mean the hammered frat-boy in Kentucky actually read it - just means he drunkenly clicked on it, right? And then woke up in the morning and realized it wasn't porn. I have cranked out, on average, one of these a week. In fact, this is the 46th one in what may be 46 weeks since I started on June 22... if my Math is right. (Note to self, increase blog output - still a kazillion beers to try.) However, as I pointed out to Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil, at least 100 of those hits are me going back into a blog to clean up typos and grammar errors.

But my eagle-eyed buddy Joe pointed something out to me recently on Facebook. If you Google Image "Kate Upton and beer", the second image is the one you see above here to the right. It is also directly linked to my blog written last summer "Drinking Guinness with my Brother", which used this picture. Twice.

Kate Upton playing Flip Cup on the Late Night
with Jimmy Fallon Show. She won handily...
And hey, yet another picture of Kate Upton!

Every week or so, I review the blog stats and while the most recent ones are always at the top of the list, that Guinness blog is, week in and week out, on the list usually in 7th or 8th place. In all honesty, I had forgotten the Upton pic was in it - twice, did I say that? - and assumed the word "Guinness" was getting all those Google hits. So actually, the world's foremost swimsuit model has artificially inflated this blog's hit numbers which isn't fair because her stunning beauty aside (there ain't nuthin' artificially inflated about Kate Upton), that has nothing to do with beer... so I should be ashamed of myself.

Let me just say this then. Justin Bieber is a dick. Sofia Vergera naked. Free beer. Free craft beer. Kate Upton and beer. Kate Upton naked. Kate Upton swimsuit. How to make Meth at home. Free money. Brazilian beach volleyball women.

There. That should keep this blog Google-buzzing for a while and get me a fresh batch of hits. And yes, I would be ashamed except my shame gland never fully formed as an infant and was replaced instead with a "don't give a damn" gland. Don't hate me - I'm an anomaly of modern Medical Science. *Chugs beer, belches loudly and shrugs* It would also appear I have a stainless-steel liver. You are welcome to hate me for that. I expect that.

Our Muskoka's Detour IPA gets a big challenge from the
Founder's All Day IPA. But I have to give this the edge

Okay, as mentioned last blog, Beer Musketeers Glenn and Cat crash-landed (quite literally in Glenn's case) at Donny's Bar and Grill on Easter Monday for an afternoon of debauchery of the highest order. Glenn, who had just returned from a Florida vacation with his son, The J Man, brought us a whole bunch of hard-to-find-here American craft beers. My first offering: Founder's Brewing All Day IPA, which at 4.7% is a session IPA, designed not to send you to an alcohol-induced IPA Nap-Time. Pine and grapefruit on the nose, it hits the tongue with more pine and grassy goodness. It was a beautiful warm day on the patio and I could quite literally see myself drinking this well into the evening. Founders, out of Grand Rapids, Michigan, has brewed up this stunning winner.

Holy crap on a stick! Stone's Ruination
IPA is one of the best I've ever had...

Although Nickel Brook's Immodest Imperial IPA was unanimously declared "Best Of Show" by the Beer Musketeers, Stone Brewery out of Escondido, California brews one called Ruination IPA that was, in my opinion, its equal. Tropical fruit and yet no pine, citrus or grapefruit on the nose (an IPA rarity), all of those come through in the mouth. At 100+ IBUs (international bitterness units) and 8.2%, this does not dance on the tongue - it goes full Mixed Martial Arts on it. Hell, I think I lost a tooth. In fact, here's Stone's own commercial description of their Ruination IPA...

"We would say that no hops were injured in the brewing of this beer but that would be a massive lie. In fact, the words 'Stone Ruination IPA' are what older hop vines use to cause little hop vines to quiver with fright and lose sleep at night. We at Stone honor the brutal massacre of countless hops with this 'Liquid poem to the glory of the hop!' Paganism at its best!" On the back label, Stone's clever copywriter basically disses you as not being worthy to hold such an outstanding beer in your ape-like hand while making you feel like you've joined some special Secret Society. What can I say - the 100 on RateBeer says it better than I can.

Once called "perhaps the best IPA in America" by
Esquire magazine, I suspect others have caught up

One more big winner before we get to a few "Hmmm, that was interesting" ones. Straight from Dogfish Head Brewery in Milton, Delaware came the 90 Minute Imperial IPA. Another 100 on RateBeer, this comes close to Ruination... but not quite. Don't get me wrong - it's damn good but had the misfortune of following Ruination in the batting circle. At 9% and 90 IBUs, its aroma is both citrus and (oddly) malt while the taste is hops, malts and citrus. Glenn also had their 120 Minute IPA in Florida (99 on RateBeer) and said it was even better. I suspect I would flip the scores between the two but either way, neither is a slouch. Like I said, big winner here. And a very cool brewery name. Full props, boys!

He'Brew Bittersweet Lenny Rye IPA (Lenny is a nod to comedian Lenny Bruce) out of Schmaltz (I kid you not) Brewing Company in Clifton Park, NY, was an interesting one but I think good interesting. Both spicy and malty on the nose, the taste is strong citrus hops but all of us preferred the Cameron's Rye Pale Ale. Still pretty decent though.

Kate Upton! Kate Upton! Kate Upton!
(Blatant blog hit ploy on my end...)

The final American entry was New Belgium Brewing Company's (Fort Collins, Colorado) Ranger IPA. Although a solid 95 on RateBeer, to hopheads such as the Beer Musketeers, it was the second weakest of the day. Pinecones and citrus on the nose, this 6.5%, 70 IBU was sort of malty and lightly fruity on the tongue. Good but not good enough to share a table with Ruination and Immodest.

Finally, out of Glenn's own 5 Paddles Brewing Company in Whitby came The Hipster IPA. Trying to find the right words here... ummm, okay, how about: WTF, guys? As a IPA lover who has drank a tanker-trailer full of both good and less good ones over the year, I remain staggered by this one. Who on Earth told you to use dirty dishwater in the brewing process? This is the "Two Girls, One Cup" of IPAs. Sorry, that's all I got...

Okay, I wanted to include the Walkerville IPA that co-worker Marie brought me home from Windsor, as well as the Honest Lager she brought for former co-worker Louise but Nickel Brook, Cameron's and Kate Upton, Kate Upton and Kate Upton bounced the Walkerville brews to the next one, as well as countless other goodies like Flying Monkeys The Matador Version 2.0 Imperial Dark Rye Ale, Hop City's Big Mouth Pale Ale, Arch's Dinner Jacket O'Red IPA, Hopus Strong Blonde Ale from Belgium, as well as something called Vulcan Ale which may be better suited to poisoning the Romulan hordes.

Okay, ladies and germs, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...

Katie does Vegas; the Beer Musketeers invade

When you work with my little girl, Katie, you end
up in a lot of selfies and random pictures. Their
generation has perfected selfies as a medium...

When my young co-worker, Katie, went off to Las Vegas for the first time recently, it seemed only natural that she would turn to me for some Vegas Strip guidance. For one, I'm a five-time Vegas veteran because, well, it's pretty much my favourite place in the world, even though the place doesn't make much off me in terms of gambling. Five trips, maybe $100 gambled, won $104 once so I'm a bit of a Vegas rarity - Mr Break-Even.

The other reason is simply that I'm like a second Dad to her. I first met her a little over six years ago when I was dating her best friend's Mom. Things changed but the friendship with Katie and her best friend Meagan very much remained. So much so, I helped Katie get a job at my Beer Store where she's turned out to be a huge asset, as I knew she would. At the tender age of 23, she's my little girl. (Consider that fair warning, young playahs...) Anyway, just this week, my "daughter" went back to Nursing training in Toronto so we'll only get her on weekends. That's why she's kicking this off... a "Dad's Tribute"... which equals pride. And fun stories of my daughter's adventures. (She's a great kid and I love her to bits...)

A Katie and Meagan Vegas selfie taken in this huge ferris-
wheel viewing-pod thing that didn't exist the last time I was
there in 2012. Again, the medium perfected by these two...

So a couple of days before they left, I emailed both the girls a Donny's Guide to the Las Vegas Strip, complete with casino/hotel map and directions of where to buy cheap beer/liquor, where NOT to buy drinks (any casino), fun spots and frankly, where to avoid. Also when you party hard all day, crash at 5 p.m., wake up at 1 or 2 a.m., why that is the best time to clean up and head right back out onto the strip. When she asked me how much cash she should take on their 3-night, 4-day trip, I suggested $300 should be more than enough. "Pretty young women don't pay much for booze in Vegas," I noted. That confused her and I never elaborated but she soon understood why.

Damn, I love this place. Gotta go back there soon.
Just hearing Katie's stories made me miss this city...

After landing in Planet Hollywood Hotel, the pair frequented the Koi Nightclub where it is "All You Can Drink for $20" but only for women! Why is that? Because pretty young ladies bring all the boys to the yard... ♫ and I say it's better than yours... ♫ Sorry, got musically sidetracked - it couldn't be helped. However, the bar is clever enough not to include either beer or liqueur shooters because young girls, even at their petite size, can drink $20 worth of beer or liqueur but cheap American liquor? Not a chance. And the guys pay full-freight - anywhere from $10-$18 for beers, mixed drinks, whatever. That's why the Pretty Girl Quotient is important to hotspots in Vegas like Koi - they draw in the guys, who drop a bundle. Even in the Vegas nightclubs, the odds favour the house. The pair found out just how important the Pretty Girl Quotient was when they arrived one night and realized they only had $20 between them. As they turned to go back to the room, a bouncer rushed over to ask why they weren't coming in. They explained they were simply going to get more money. Next thing they knew, they were handed a "Two for $20" card and in they happily went. The nightclub was taking no chances on the girls somehow not returning.

Three of Nickel Brook's newest offerings, enjoyed by the
Beer Musketeers at Donny's Bar and Grill on Easter Monday.
Actually, scratch the Equilibrium ESB. I accidentally drank all
of that the night before while Skyping with Stevil St Evil...

Suffice it to say, they had a blast. I was getting excited texts literally the second Katie had landed back on Canadian soil. But the exact same day the girls flew out to Vegas (Easter Monday), Donny's Bar and Grill played host to two of the Beer Musketeers, Glenn and Cat, and later in the increasingly-wobbly afternoon, Stevil St Evil, straight from Wellington, New Zealand, courtesy of Skype on my laptop. I hadn't been on Skype in maybe four years when I last talked to my brother Gary in Vietnam so naturally, I couldn't remember my Skype name or password. So the night before the Musketeer arrival, Stevil tracked my account down and connected to me. From there, it was simply a matter of getting a new password from Skype and *bam* I was back on it.

Musketeer Glenn enjoying his first
Nickel Brook Immodest Imperial IPA
which was the biggest hit of the day

However, we thought it best to give Skype a test-run that night so I connected with the vacationing Stevil where it was the following afternoon for him. Steve was set up nicely with a growler of his beloved Aro Noir Stout made by his local crafters, Garage Project, while on my end, I basically started piling into the many IPAs I have bought for the Musketeers visit the next day. We had a great chat but... ♫ Oops, I did it again... ♫ (Apparently, I'm feeling musically-inclined today? And with pretty catchy but crappy pop songs to boot.) Yes, I drank most of the Musketeer beer. So knowing they were landing at 2 p.m., I decided, "They're coming to Burlington (from Toronto and Oshawa) so dammit, they're gonna drink Burlington beer," and proceeded happily to Nickel Brook where I stocked right back up. I had two growlers of Headstock IPA, as well as cans of Immodest Imperial IPA, cans of Malevolent Black Imperial IPA, bottles of Naughty Neighbour American Pale Ale and countless other odds and sods still in the fridge. I was set. Plus Glenn, having just returned from Florida, arrived with a knapsack filled with hard-to-find-here American craft beers.

Screen-shot view of the Beer Musketeers from Stevil's end in New Zealand.
As you can see, it was a sophisticated and dignified affair on the patio at
Donny's Bar and Grill. What can I say? We do Easter Monday right...

After appetizers of Headstock and Naughty Neighbour, we jumped into the Malevolent - Glenn's (and perhaps Cat's - I'm not sure) first foray into black IPAs. Using Simcoe, Columbus and Centennial hops, this beer is deceptive as hell. With a light coffee scent, it seems like a porter or even a stout on the nose but on the tongue, hoppy as hell with grapefruit, citrus and pine. So that's the deceptive part - it looked like you're gonna drink a porter, smelled like you're gonna drink a porter... but once it hit your tongue? Yes, that's an IPA. And a damn good one. Met with universal acclaim - everyone raved.

Screen-shot of how we must have looked to Stevil St Evil...

Funny Glenn vs Skype Sidebar #1: Stevil, an old hand at Skype, decided to both screen-shot and record chunks of the afternoon shenanigans - three videos of roughly 10-20 minutes each. Since we had a good two hours jump on him, we were in worse shape with each recording. And folks, it was damn funny. Let's start with Glenn... and then continue with... Glenn. Not even 10 minutes after we powered down the Malevolent, Glenn exclaimed to Steve (on camera), "I have to try a black IPA some day!" The empty Malevolent can is literally sitting in front of him. Okay, just after that point, I bring out the Jewel of the Nile... Nickel Brook's Immodest Imperial IPA.

Glenn wraps his head around Skype while waiting to yell at
Steve. Glenn's volume is 11. He's very Spinal Tap that way

Remember, when a couple of blogs back, I referred to Flying Monkeys' Shoulders of Giants IIPA as the best Canadian IIPA I'd ever had? Yeah, turns out Shoulders has an evil twin brother and his name is Immodest. There's good... and then there's crazy good. Nickel Brook Brewmaster Ryan apparently decided life does not come with limits and brewed up this Spawn of Satan. Limited time so I'm thrilled they got a chance to have it. I'd already indulged but Glenn and Cat? Blown away. Ryan has incorporated what he calls "an obscene use of Citra and Simcoe hops" to create a 9.5%, 85 IBU punch in the face. Citrus on the nose, earthy pine on the tongue, this bastard was the bomb. Everyone declared it "Best of Show."

My buddy, Joe, put this on my
wall and said, "This is the beer
Gotham needs." Weird, it's like
people think I worship Batman or
something. Oh, right, never mind

That brings me to Glenn vs Skype Sidebar #2: Okay, after Glenn insisted (okay, demanded loudly) that Stevil start drinking, completely not realizing that Stevil had just woken up, was drinking coffee and was 16 hours ahead of us... in the early morning his time... he finally showed his lack of Skype understanding by looking at Stevil in my laptop and asking (quite under the influence)... "Wait... so is this in real time?" As opposed to... fake time? By the end of it all, Glenn caught up but man, in the meanwhile, he made us all laugh. But that's life as a Musketeer. You mock, you get mocked. What a great afternoon (and morning) we all had. Here's Glenn's take on the shenanigans: Man, Am I Loud! He's a little rough on himself. It was great fun. And it was the afternoon/early evening. Volume doesn't count.

Okay, more beers coming. Glenn - thank you, dude - brought the party a crap-load of hard-to-get-here IPAs from his trip to Florida and they're next. My co-worker, Marie, recently went on a trip with better half, Ernie, to Caesar's Palace in Windsor, won a crap-load of money and wandered down the street to craftie Walkerville Brewery where she got me both a sick glass and a litre of their IPA. Ernie, for his part, supplied the jalapeno cheddar sausages he created for J&G Quality Meats in Burlington that we slammed down at this little IPA-Fest! (Blatant plug: 175 Plains Road East in Burlington - 905-634-0196 - Ernie makes the best stuff!!! Plus he's one of the coolest dudes going... and his chick is pretty fly, too...)

Okay, like I said, more beer news coming this weekend. Two things. Number 1: I have wayyyy too much fun in my life and I may have been blessed with friends that I do not deserve... but hell, I'll take them for granted, anyway. And number 2: guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here... As always, I remain...