She started the day as my boss...

Today's blog was supposed to be about German beers. No joke - I have more than a dozen of Munich's best, properly chilled in the fridge. Ready to go... all set...
But of course, as soon as I have a plan, Life often goes, "Hahahaha... that's cute, Donny, frikkin' adorable, actually... but hang on a sec..."

Is my boss Allison actually the Black Widow in disguise? This is the story
of the day she started as my boss... and finished it as something else entirely.

Friday changed my blog plans. Actually, Friday changed a lot of things. There were five of us on hand at the Beer Store. Me, the senior fulltimer Gordie, young Katie, senior part-timer Andrew (a.k.a. Saga because he's from Wasaga Beach) and finally, our boss, Allison. Well, she started the day as our boss. That too would change.

It started like any other Friday... busy as hell. Then something happened in the mid-afternoon... something big. One of our regulars, a Town of Oakville worker, came in for his usual two "suitcases" (24-cans) of Carling Light.

Throw a brunette wig over her curly blonde hair
and maybe Allison is actually Wonder Woman?

He didn't even make it to his truck. Whether it was a heart attack or a stroke (we still don't know), he keeled over face-first into the asphalt 10 feet from his truck. None of us saw it. But a panicked customer came flying in, screaming to call 911.
Now this guy is about my height - 5-foot-11, maybe an inch or two shorter - but where I weigh 180 pounds, he must clock in at 360 pounds, probably more. When he hit the ground hard, I mean very hard!
So while Saga was busy answering infinite questions with 911, Allison and a customer, who happened to be a family doctor, took off to help him.
At first, there was some question as to whether to flip him over onto his back. Several onlookers suggested that was a bad move.

Then Allison simply took over. In a voice that could command a Greek God, she barked, "If we don't turn him over, he's dead! Now help us turn him over onto his back NOW!"
When they got him flipped over, I recoiled in horror. His face was very purple and covered with blood... a huge pool of it now laying beneath his head.... and his lips an even darker purple. He was not breathing. I was looking at a dead man. And then she went to work, pumping his chest. Hard. Really hard. For what seemed an eternity.

"Please... No paparazzi! Just a superhero doing her job..."
That said, man, Nick Fury would have been pretty proud

The balance of us fell into different roles. Gordie took Traffic Control, diverting cars to an adjacent parking lot so EMS and the firefighters could get into ours. Perfect for Gordo because he doesn't do well with... uhhh, humans. (Bazinga!) Saga and Katie went back in to run the store while I took Crowd Control out front, letting people know what was going down and ushering them as quickly as I could into the store.

Finally, we heard the sirens of the firefighters, EMS and the police. I have NEVER been so happy to hear those sounds in my life! Quickly, the EMS and firefighters took over, pumping his heart and using the Defibrillator. (I counted, I think, at least three times...)

And to our collective relief, they finally got a pulse. So they got him on a stretcher and spirited him away to the hospital. At this point, we still don't know his condition.

Actually, it's Donny's Bar and Grill
but hey, close enough...

 We all drifted back into the store but one thing was clear. We were all in shock, walking around in a daze. The family doctor, who I was in the middle of serving when it all came down, told me that without Allison's efforts, the man would have died on the spot. The head paramedic on the scene came back long after we'd finished our shifts and told Saga the same thing. He wasn't breathing for a while... but hey, where there's life, there's hope, right?

Allison started that shift as our boss - a hard enough job as it is because we are one unruly group of thugs. She finished that shift, as far as me and everyone else on staff is concerned, as a bonafide hero. She saved a man's life. I watched her do it.

David says: "Allison's like a superhero! Like
when I was Wolverine, right?" That's right!

That night, we five all landed still dazed at Donny's Bar and Grill, just to hash out the day's events. It was like a big puzzle and we all had pieces... but no one person had them all. So we pieced together the day, discovering from each other new bits of info. It was like therapy... but with beer and pizza. I think it helped. Allison, of course, balked at being called a hero, wondering if there wasn't more she could have done. But hey, as far as I'm concerned, that's the hallmark of a real hero - they either don't realize or believe they are one.

And my son David's reaction was the best. When I picked him up today, he asked (as he always does) how Allison was doing. I got to tell him that she was a hero and saved a man's life. He just lit up! "Wow!" he exclaimed. "Allison's a superhero! Just like when I was Wolverine, right?" That's right, buddy.

And that, kids, is the story of How I Met Your Moth... wait, wrong show... How My Boss Became A Hero.

Okay, shout-outs. I gotta start with blog brother Stevil St Evil because he created ALL of the above Allison-As-A-Superhero pics for me last night. Plus a few of Allison as Power Girl that were too risque to use... but Allison thought they were hilarious. He hasn't written a fresh blog in a bit but here's a classic of his called: Dr Who's On First And then, of course, there's Glenn in da Shwa. His last one was linked to in my last blog so I went into his archive and found a perfect one for this blog. We'll call it: Superman Daredevil and the Fan-Boys

The next blog is about beer. I promise. Until then I remain...

Brew-Ha-Ha! readers send me the coolest stuff

One of the best dealios about doing this Brew-Ha-Ha! thingey is the interaction I get from readers, whether it be beer factoids, recommendations of a specific brew or beer news items, which I get sent to me left, right and centre. The idea that I'm supposed to be giving you beer information usually results in ME getting new beer information from readers. And I dig that...
Writing a weekly beer blog is a helluva lot easier when you... ♫ get by with a little help from your friends ♫
And sometimes the source can be a little surprising.

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper "doesn't drink
alcohol"... well, unless he's at home, playing the piano...

After my last blog, which included two Russian beers, Baltika 7 and Stolichnoe, one of the comments under the blog posting on Facebook came from a young friend, Kyle, 20, who's the eldest son of my co-worker Marie.
Kyle sent me the link to a news story that beer, because it's under 10%, was considered a soft drink in Russia until January 1st, 2013, when legislation changed it to be included under the description "alcohol".
I had heard this but wasn't entirely sure I believed it. Turns out it's true. Beer in Russia could be sold in public kiosks right beside Coke and any number of soft drinks, fruit juices or bottled water 24 hours a day. That has now changed.
Man, I love the Russians - that is one hard-core drinking culture! Good find, Kyle!

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper ALSO "doesn't
drink alcohol"... unless he's on the campaign trail...

After I wrote the blog about drinking Guinness Black Lager with my brother Gary, another reader sent me the coolest little factoid about the Guinness Brewery in Dublin, Ireland. When the brewery was established in 1759, they originally signed a 9,000 year lease... for 45 Pounds a year. That lease became moot when they bought the 64-acre property out-right eventually. Who the hell can afford that kind of rent, eh?

And a final tidbit sent to me by a reader... just last Friday, a story link in which Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper declared that "I don't drink alcohol... but I have a lot of friends who do." Okay, a few things about that. Number one: Just when I thought this dude couldn't be any duller. Number two: I dispute this guy's claim he has "a lot of friends..." Lackeys, flunkies and yes-men? He's got tons. Friends? Uhhh, doubtful. And number three: He's using Russian rules. Beer apparently doesn't count. Google: "Stephen Harper drinking beer". I did. A number of pics restored my faith that the dude actually likes the odd beer. However, at the same time... liar, liar, pants on fire. I don't follow political polls because I could care less but... Liberal Leader Justin Trudeau who admits he has smoked marijuana and is pushing to have it legalized probably just took the lead. My politics? Whoever has offended me the least at the exact moment I walk into a election polling booth has my reluctant vote. Also anyone who's willing to buy my vote. That works, too. Turns out NO politician thinks my vote is worth "just clear up my credit cards, would ya?"

And the latest inductee to the Bad Beer Hall of Shame is...??

Okay, much in keeping with the "Geez, Don, there must be SOME beers you don't like" theme of a few blogs back. Turns out I was pouring nothing but praise on beer... because I was only writing about the ones I liked (or REALLY loved - yeah, Flying Monkeys Smashbomb Atomic IPA, I'm talking to you, you sexy bitch! Hey, girl...)
Well, since then, we've discovered that Brew Ha Ha! is NOT a fan of Mexican beers Corona or Sol, Trinidad beer Carib, German beer Beck's or pretty much any mass-produced American beer.

We have another addition to The Bad Beer Hall of Shame... German brew Jever. Split a six-pack with co-workers Saga and Carter when it arrived.

♫ Carry On, The Wayward Son... They'll be drunk
when you are gone... because they're all hammered ♫

Much like Beck's, Jever has that mildly-skunky weak-ass taste that any number of popular Euro-brews suffer from. That said, we have a crap-load of really GREAT German beers at our store for my German beer blog. Don't expect me to even mention either Beck's or Jever. I drank one of my two. The second is getting pawned off on the next person who crosses my threshold. If that turns out to be my Mom, so be it.

Now, god bless him, Carter pushed me hard to try Toronto craft brewers Radical Roads Brewing Company's new Belgium-style ale, The Wayward Son. Okay, to clarify, "pushed me hard" actually means Carter said, "Donny, you gotta try this beer." Carter knows I'm a total Beer Ho - whatta thug he is, playing on my beer sluttiness like that? Not cheap - the 750-ml bottle cost $11. So Brew Ha Ha! special treat time. Women go for a ridiculously-expensive manicure/pedicure... I buy ridiculously-expensive specialty beers. I like my deal better.
Okay, this is a damn tasty brew. In my biggest beer glass, it put a sweet three-inch head before eventually settling. The deal there? The thicker the head, the longer the proper carbonation stays sealed in. At 7.5%, it's a strong ale with the traditional slight hints of fruits and spices. It scored an impressive 82 on RateBeer.com - I'd put it closer to 90. But that's a solid mark. Carter, my man, thank you! Good call, you peer pressure thug!

♫ They get by with a little help from their friends ♫

Okay, small craft brewery "feel-good" story of the day. I have a fairly new but ongoing love affair with Ontario's craft brewers (especially Flying Monkeys out of Barrie). I'm on ALL their Facebook pages... just to keep up.
So 5 Paddles, a craft brewery out of Whitby, puts a blog on their page last week about how they are planning to release five new beers last week. One problem? They're out of bottles. Not a small concern for a craft brewer.
So blog-writing Spencer from 5 Paddles tells us: "We put in a call to (rival craft brewer) Bellwoods Brewery (based in Toronto) and their man Luke dropped what he was doing and spent an hour or so to hook us up with bottles until ours arrive. The Craft Beer community continues to amaze me. Not only does Bellwoods make world-class beers but they are awesome people, too. I should note I had never met anyone from Bellwoods before this experience so we aren't talking about good treatment from close friends here."
I had to say on their FB page that I applauded the comradery of Ontario craft brewers and gave Bellwoods a "well done!" Bellwoods just got some of my "special treat" business! And 5 Paddles? Your newly-released Flatline IPA at 126 IBUs (international bitterness units)??? You super-sexy bitch! I'm coming for you!!!

Okay, shout-outs... blog brother Glenn tells us about his favourite flicks which is stunning short of our favoured superhero movies (I'm going to do him a solid and assume that's a future blog... all by itself). Glenn's big flicks? Right here at: Glenn's Big Flicks And Stevil St Evil, out of New Zealand? What can I say? The charges were dropped! Hasn't written a fresh one in a while but here's a recent favourite... Did I mention I like beer? That said, the dude has given me EVERY graphic I've ever used, including my header, my sign-off and the Bad Beer Hall of Shame. I probably keep him TOO busy for a fresh blog. But man, this mofo is entertaining...

Until next time, I remain...

Joke's on me... missed some Polish beers!

It wasn't all that long ago I wrote a blog about Polish beer (with a special guest appearance from my Polish Beer Store buddy Martin.) As it turns out, I stumbled upon a few more since then. And then I stumbled after them... but that's a different story.

Warka Strong: the beer that helps students
graduate from Uniwersytet Szczecinski

Turns out after my last Polish beer blog, which if you missed it, you can see here at: Don's Last Polish Beer Blog one of my readers passed it along to her Polish co-worker, Kamila. She quite enjoyed it so we added each other on Facebook.
Had she not liked the blog, I would have added her on Facebook anyway and then relentlessly hounded her, saying repeatedly, "Aw, come on! There must be part of it you liked. I need Warsaw in my corner! God bless Lech Walesa! Come onnnnnn..." until she eventually caved in and confessed that she thoroughly enjoyed it... just to shut me up. Fortunately, it never resorted to begging for a "pity like."
Anyway, during my travels, I happened upon three more Polish beers, Zubr, Lezajsk and Warka Strong. At the same time, I found two Russian beers (a rarity here, I think) Baltika 7 and Stolichnoe, a Lithuanian one, Svyturys 1784, a Spanish one, Estrella and as well as the one which described itself as "Number 1 beer in China" Yanjing.
Both Zubr and Lezajsk were refreshing lighter lagers that I enjoyed so I was a bit surprised that both scored relatively low marks on RateBeer.com. (Must be some damn finicky reviewers on that site.) The one I would definitely give the edge to would be the Warka 7, stronger at 6.5% and darker than the other two. Had a nice little bite to it... which didn't help it at all when it was rated. Hrrmmm, different strokes for different folks. Kamila confessed to me that when she was attending Uniwersytet Szczecinski, it was basically the beer that got her through school. A few of those bad boys and I'd have trouble spelling her school, much less graduating.

Hey Russian dude, you're supposed to pour
it into a mug. Would you drink vodka straight
 from the bottle? Actually, forget I asked...

Of the Russian pair, I would definitely give the Baltika 7 the slight edge. Of the entire bunch, it was really the only one that gave a decent head in the glass that didn't fade away too quickly (plus it has one of those wicked cool pull-tab caps - I am far too easily impressed, I know...) The Lithuanian and Spanish entries were equally servicable - decent palatable lagers - as was China's Number One Beer.
I discovered something else, too. If you're a lager from anywhere in the world, you are gonna get your ass handed to you on RateBeer.com. I think lagers are considered, by and large, something for the North American beer palate only, meaning we're importing what breweries think we'll like. Case in point, while all eight of these beers scored under 20 points (out of 100), the Baltika 6 Porter scored a staggeringly good 91 points. Even the Guinness Black Lager, which has gotta be the heaviest lager going, only scored 25.
I tell you something else. That has me eyeballing the Mill Street Cobblestone Porter and the Wellington German Porter presently residing in my fridge with some anticipation. I think I've had one sip of a Porter in my life. That's about to change.

First, it kicks your taste-buds in the nuts. Then it
knee-caps your taste-buds. And just when your
taste-buds think they're safe, it grabs nunchucks.

Because I was on a nine-day vacation, I had a chance to sample a number of craft beers made here in Canada, mostly notably Flying Monkeys' Smashbomb Atomic IPA and Twice As Mad Tom IPA from our friends at Muskoka Brewery. If you like hoppy beers (which I am beginning to love big-time), look no further seriously. Both are excellent, clocking in at 70 IBUs (International Bitterness Units) and scored an identical 98 on RateBeer.com - scores that are well-deserved and pit the pair against the very best brews worldwide. They don't tickle the taste-buds - they take a sledgehammer to them. Twice As Mad Tom has the edge in alcohol (8.4% to Smashbomb's 6%) but the 4-pack of Twice As and 6-pack of Smashbomb both retail for $13.50. Smashbomb Atomic IPA will now always have a spot in my fridge and I'm pretty sure Twice As Mad Tom will be making frequent guest appearances. It's like the frikkin' United Nations in my fridge now, anyway.

Named after noted Canadian painter Tom
Thomson who vanished one day in his canoe

But if you prefer the traditional Canadian lagers and pilsners, strap yourself into a chair with a few belts before trying either. It's gonna be quite a jolt. Interesting story behind the Mad Tom name, as well, which is dedicated to noted Canadian painter, Tom Thomson. The Muskoka Brewery folks has created a two-minute origin narrative on the name. Check it out here at: Mad Tom's Origin and click on the arrow down and then the sinking canoe icon. It's quite fun.

My buddy, Kevin, who's a diehard Detroit Red Wings fan (but I still quite like the guy because he has some redeeming qualities, such as... uh... damn, I'll think of something by the next blog) brought my attention to an upcoming event in the Joe Louis Arena parking lot on September 28 called the Hockeytown Brewhaha Oktoberfest running from 1 to 6 p.m. and sandwiched neatly between a Leafs-Wings home-and-home series with Toronto in Detroit on the 27th and the Wings playing here on the 28th. (Personally, I think they're should have switched the locales and had the Leafs there on the 28th - whatta freakin' day that would be!!!) But for $40, you can sample of the best craft beers and food trucks from Michigan and beyond! Frankly, I'm wondering if Brew-Ha-Ha! can resist an event with Brewhaha in its name. Here's the link to that great day: Hockeytown Brewhaha Oktoberfest Nod to Kevin for the heads-up! (Hey, redeeming quality!)

As always, shout-out to my sainted blogging brethren. First on deck, straight from New Zealand where it's 16 hours ahead and the toilet water goes down clockwise, rather than counter-clock-wise (Hah! Five of you just went to check... I know it!!!)... the one and only Stevil St Evil and His Winged Monkey Review here: Steve, Winged Monkey And Stuff And then there's Glenn, who curiously has never been in the room at the same time as Batman, causing me to create this link called: Is Glenn Batman?? This is a goodie - a nostalgic look at his old public school being torn down. Nice piece, bro...

Okay, ladies and germs, until next time, I remain...

Rookie mistakes, different strokes and Labatt's IPA

I made what I thought was pretty much the biggest rookie mistake ever today. You see, in Canada and the United States, it's Labour Day - or Labor Day as they spell it in the U.S. In Canada, we still use that British "u" in our words because... well, uh... not sure. As for America, it's probably connected to that whole Boston Tea Party thing a couple of hundred years ago where the U.S. gave the British a big "screw you".
In order to emphasize their displeasure with the British, not to mention the idea of sending tax money overseas, they dumped all that crappy British Tea, right there in Boston Harbour... sorry, Harbor. (Or as they would pronounce it: Hah-Bah. Love that accent, too cool.) Then they thought, "Well, that'll show the Brits but what else can we do to show 'em we REALLY mean business?" And they all went off to the pub, drank beer and thought of different things to irk the Brits. Finally, one piped up: "Hey, let's start dropping the 'u' in all our 'ou' words. We all know what sticklers the Brits are for all that King's English crap."
And thus it was done. The pub cheered! Boston Strong, baby. Gotta love those Bostonians.

Desperados: beer infused with tequila.
Some love it. I am not among them.

But back to my mistake. I forgot to buy beer for today. I'm on a nine-day vacation and forgot today was Labour Day where everything except convenience stores and gas stations are closed up. Over 35 years of drinking beer... and I have NEVER made this mistake. This is where this blog Brew Ha Ha! actually saved Donny's Bar and Grille, a.k.a. Casa Redmond. I quickly checked my fridge. I have been stock-piling funky craft beers for this column - one here, one there. At present, there are 25 different craft or small brewery beers in my fridge. I think I'm covered, being as this is Labour Day, not Toga Party Night at the Delta House.

But what I usually do between having different craft beers is cleanse my palate with traditional milder fare, usually Labatt's Blue or Sleeman's Draught. Couple of gulps, maybe. Okay, possibly half a bottle. More or less... Okay, more. When co-worker Saga heard of my nothing-but-craft fridge situation, he laughed: "Your taste buds are gonna get a kick in the face today!" True dat, Saga. Fortunately, my liver has the heart and soul of a Viking.

Our grandfathers
loved this stuff!
We'll never know why
because it's long gone.

Which brings me to my next point: Different strokes for different folks. Saga went on an Eastern Canada tour for 10 days recently and tried ALL sorts of stuff we can't get in Ontario. And god bless him, he brought me bring a mixed pack of goodies. But he just got back to work as I was readying for vacation. And we talked about that Rickard's Cardigan, the "Autumn spiced lager infused with seasonal spices of cinnamon, nutmeg, clove and a hint of brown sugar..." I thought it was way too much - all I could taste was spices. Saga disagreed. "It's not meant for this heat. It's like in the Winter and I'm looking out the window at the cold and the snow. That's when I have a Drambuie because it just warms me up. That's what I think the spiciness of the Cardigan is gonna do in the late Fall." Hmmmm, he might be right. Neither of us is beer experts but rather beer enthusiasts. I'll try it again at Thanksgiving and if I still think it sucks, I'll throw the can at his head. Or just knock him out with a two-by-four. Whatever's at hand.

I fell into the same scenario when Desperados, a Belgium-brewed beer infused with tequila landed in our store last week. I had always wanted to try it but before I could, it disappeared for years. When it re-appeared, I quickly split a six-pack with a co-worker so I could FINALLY try it. Ugh. Tasted like just another lime-infused piece of crap to me. But remembering the Cardigan disagreement, I took the other two up to my neighbours, Amy, a former co-worker and her British hubby, Simon.

How manly was Labatt's IPA? It put hair on the hair of
 your hairy chest! A case of this and you were Sasquatch

They loved it. Amy could taste the tequila, which I couldn't (and believe me when I say I have some tequila experience - a fairly high percentage of those experiences, not so good) and Simon flat-out loved it, saying it was "refreshing." As I said, different strokes.

One mass-produced beer that both I and my New Zealand crony, Stevil St Evil wish we could try is Labatt's IPA. But the beers our grandfathers preferred over the mainstream fare due to its hoppiness is long gone. Quick history lesson on the Labatt's IPA. When John Labatt Brewery started over 150 years ago, they had three beers: Ale, Porter and Stout. So in 1863, John Sr sends John Jr off to a brewing apprenticeship in Wheeling, West Virginia, which, let's face it, blows the hell out of being sent to a boarding school. John Jr comes back with the super-hoppy but much milder (than stouts or porters) IPA recipe. The Labatts IPA ends up being the brewery's best-seller for nearly a century. Parades are thrown in John Jr's honour (not really), starlets throw themselves at him (pre-film days - no starlets) and he finally loses his virginity to a Daddy-bought hooker (that might well be true.) Eventually, Canadian beer drinkers' taste would lean towards milder lagers and Labatt's Pilsner (now Blue) becomes their number one brew. And before we got our chance to try a decent mass-produced india pale ale, the Labatt's IPA faded away. That kinda irks both me and Stevil that we never got to try our grandfathers' favourite beers but we are soothing that pain with literally dozens of other beers. We're healing... We're survivors, dammit!

Perfect for Shona's Crazy Girls Night!

To ease the pain of a missed IPA opportunity, I am sampling a Boreale IPA out of Blainville, Quebec, which Saga brought me back from his recent Maritime sojourn, knowing well my new-found love for IPAs. Nice, smooth... though at 50 IBUs (international bitterness units) not quite hoppy enough for me. I want an IPA to kick me in the nards. That said, it scored a very high 93 on the RateBeer website so it's got tons of fans. I see why. I could drink it all afternoon. The super-high-IBU ones that I favour, not a chance. But I only have one so...

And finally, with her big Cheese And Beer Girls Night coming this weekend, my friend Shona now has another beer to add for the fruit portion of the evening: the KLB Raspberry Wheat. I also tried a Granville Island Brewing False Creek Raspberry Ale (another Saga gift) for her event. Notice my friends don't throw WINE and cheese parties. Nope, beer all the way. Couldn't be prouder of her. Okay, good news and bad news. The bad news: False Creek Raspberry Ale is not available in Ontario. The good news? The KLB Raspberry Wheat was the better of the two with the tart fruit taste being slightly more muted... and Shona? It's available at the LCBO in single cans. Go to town! And hey, have fun, ladies!

Okay, blog brother shout-outs! If it's evil, it's Stevil. Check out his bawdy, lewd, crude and disgusting (not really - just trying to draw in the reader with salacious promises - it's actually rowdy and fun) blog right here at: 5-Foot-19 And my other blog brother who we call Glenn because as it turns out that's his name - well, I'll be honest, I wanna see a birth certificate - his east-of-Toronto tales of Oshawa can be found here at: Shwa Stories But in this particular case, he has a piece on Stan "The Man" Lee, who created ALL of those Marvel Comic icons. His best yet - by a long mile! Read this one!!!!

Until next time - and while my tastebuds continue to get kicked in the face on this Labour Day - I remain...